The V-Club.

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers-

Friends, I have a confession to make… I am a sucker for a good reality TV series.  Reality TV is one of my guilty pleasures and I get a thrill watching all the drama unfold on my television set.  I think it is the lack of drama in my own life that gives me the space to enjoy others’ petty behavior.  Anyways, I am a huge fan of a reality TV series called Married at First Sight™.  The concept is simple:  two perfect strangers agree to marry at first sight for eight weeks.  At the end of the eight week period,  they can then decide to stay married or to divorce.  First of all, I could NEVER marry a perfect stranger.  Absolutely not! Like, dating in 2019 must suck so bad that people are out here willingly engaging in arranged marriages.  This past season there was a girl named Iris on the show.  She was characterized as smart, beautiful, loving and also a virgin.  She decided to not share herself sexually with anyone other than her spouse-to-be.  To me, Iris was legit.  Home-girl even brought herself the most beautiful white dress to celebrate her virginity.  Well, the man she married…he was not too thrilled about her choice.  In fact, he divorced her because of it. He wanted someone who had as much sexual experience as him and in the end, he walked away from his marriage to Iris.

So… what does this have to do with me?  Quite a bit! For the first time, I saw a public display of one of my fears.  As someone who is also a member of the V-Club, I fear that this gift I want to save for my spouse will be looked upon with shame, it will be the thing that disqualifies me, giving him fuel to walk away.  There is nothing like virgin-shaming.  You know, that awkward silence and weird look people give you when they find out you do not have any experience in that “department”.  I remember guys making sexual advances towards me and when I had to explain why I was not accepting them, I would get the classic response: (1) Lack of Eye Contact;  (2) Hand rubbing the back of the head; and finally (3) The Pivoted Stance.  It was as if the dude could not wait to jet to the nearest door.  All of a sudden, it felt like I had a disease.

Watching Iris leave her marriage heartbroken spoke to every one of my fears.  What if I save myself for marriage and he is disappointed in my lack of experience?  What if sex is a deal-breaker for him?  How would I know if I am doing “it” right?  OMGGGGGG talk about increased anxiety.  My friends are always like girl I wish I was in your position, if I could go back, I would have waited too.  Yeah…that’s so encouraging but they do not understand what it is like to be me.

I read a few articles that discussed the shame virgins sometimes face surrounding their choice, and my friends that shame is real.  We sometimes feel shame for being different; we sometimes feel shame for being sensual and sexually frustrated; we sometimes feel shame for wanting to throw our V-cards away.  We feel all levels of shame sometimes around something that God himself created to be good.  There is this terrible notion that if we let that piece of ourselves go, we failed the mission- we missed the mark.  Yet, this same shame speaks to us and says that if we do not turn into some type of sexual vixen for our husbands in time then we should be ashamed as well.  I have talked to virgins with high sex drives that feel shame; I’ve spoken to those who engage in casual sex and have felt shame.  It seems that no matter your moral compass or beliefs, shame has the capability of robbing us of the joy that comes with pleasure.

Yet, is not shame like that?  You will spend your whole life believing in your pursuit or call and the response of the one you love will make you second guess your covenant.  What you looked upon with pride, you now look upon with regret.  I think that experiences like Iris’ or even mine during my college years have the power to shape us.  We can either stick to our conviction, or to win the love of another we can compromise.

Lifetime™ did a “Where Are They Now?” special with the cast members of the last season of Married at First Sight™.  Iris showed up looking amazing.  She sat next to her now ex-husband, the one she came to love, radiating strength and light.  She boldly proclaimed, “It’s okay because now I am a divorced virgin, an even more rare gem.”  I sat in front of the TV, marveled at her post-break up glow, and chuckled to myself.  She was a rare gem. Yet, even if she was no longer a virgin she would have been a rare gem.  For,   she was someone who stood by her convictions.  She had so much discipline and so much confidence in herself that it seemed like all of the shame regarding her marriage’s demise drifted away.  Iris was okay! Heck, she was better than okay!

Well friends, why the sex talk?  First, I figured we are all mature adults able to have a candid conversation about something the world idolizes.  Second, I wanted to share my story to let my fellow V-club members know that there are more people like you out there.  It is rare, but we do exist.  Third, I believe that we must stop allowing shame to rob us of connection and pleasure with God and others.  Shame does not keep us out of the lifestyle of sin, oftentimes it has the adverse effect- it coaches us right into it.  We must share our stories free of shame and be able to stand by our convictions without thinking something is wrong with us.  There is freedom and acceptance in making choices for your journey.  Lastly, since when is sex not a topic of conversation for the believer?  If it was created by God to give glory to God, why do we shy away from discussing its pros and cons absent of godly covenant? In our efforts to keep ourselves out of sexual immorality, we have demonized something given to us as a gift to enrich intimacy.  The church, its people and everyone in between should be able to speak freely about all things pertaining to sex, sexuality and sexual health. So, let us open ourselves up to candid conversation to discover the power of truth and honesty.  Shying away from relevant conversation does not make us wise, but rather extremely foolish.

Well loves, that is it for today!  Stay safe out there.

Xoxo,

Simone

 

12 Days of Love Letter Writing

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

Those who know me, know that I LOVE opportunities to share  love and light to the world. Any chance that I can get to bring a smile to a face, makes me extremely happy and fulfilled.  SO… I happened to come across another opportunity and I wanted to share this one with you!

There is a beautiful organization called More Love Letters  and these amazing human beings, spread light and love into the world by collecting love letters for individuals who are either going through a hard time, need a little encouragement or just need to be reminded that they matter and that the world cares.  This Holiday season, they are doing a 12 days of Love Letter Writing Campaign.  Each day, participants receive a story of a letter candidate and have the opportunity to write a letter to that individual.  The letters are bundled and sent to the individual during the holidays.

This year, I am writing love letters and would love for YOU to join me!  I could use YOUR help in spreading light and love to those who need it most.

You know what’s so great about this opportunity??? The cost is roughly NOTHING… all you need is a little stationary, a stamp and a little bit of time; and you’ve got everything you need to make someone’s day!  Isn’t that AMAZING? I think so…  So, come join the fun!

Will you join me? The campaign is running from December 4th to the 15th

Today’s letters are being written to the beautiful IRENE. Check out her story below!

“Irene is the strongest woman I know. After her husband unexpectedly died after the birth of their fifth child, this young nurse did what was necessary–working long hours to support her children on her own, even at the expense of her personal life. I have never heard her complain once about her lot in life.

Irene now has grandchildren and great-grandchildren. She never forgot a birthday, and holidays with her were filled with homemade cookies and cheer. In her later years, she’s been happily living on her own in an independent living apartment. Recently though, she suffered a sacral fracture, sending her to the hospital. We are hopeful she can return to her apartment, however, that may realistically not happen. She’s very sharp mentally, but her always able body is feeling the wear and tear of age.

This setback has understandably dimmed Irene’s ever-bright light. This once positive, loving figure is now feeling the weight of not being able to live on her own. She does not want to spend her remaining time in a hospital bed or in a nursing home, but her optimism is waning.”

Let’s write to Irene and encourage + support her during this difficult season.” 

 

ALL LETTERS CAN BE MAILED TO: Irene’s Bundle c/o Anna B. 451 Acequia Madre, Santa Fe, NM 87505 USA. 

So… grab a pen, paper, turn the Christmas music all the way UP and join me in spreading cheer to those in need this  holiday season!  Let’s strive to love well.

Until next time,

Simone ❤

 

Links with info and all that jazz…

http://www.moreloveletters.com

http://www.moreloveletters.com/12days (campaign website)

http://www.moreloveletters.com/diary/2017/11/29/frequently-asked-questions (FAQs & other concerns)

 

 

Poet 

Yeah, I got something to say!

So what?

Yeah, I want to make the most of today! 

So what?

I’m a poet using my words to transform,

as society seeks to conform

with popular opinion.

We celebrate sin,

as we preach a Gospel of living-

suffocating instead of breathing 

the Creator of life. 

We became harlot instead of wife,

an adulteress to the Son.

Whose love shines like the sun,

we seek shade from …

Apathy, compromise and complacency 

and I’m not even done.

So I’ll hush….

Shhh…

©Simone Holloway, 2015

Featured Image Credit: https://josiaheking.wordpress.com/2014/11/24/spoken-word-live-performance/

I Have A Problem With Disrespect…

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

As you all know, the SCOTUS legalized marriage equality- making Friday a win-win day for the LGBT community.  As Christian I believe that God loves everyone, but He does not care for the sins we operate in, homosexuality alike.  I take the stance that sin is sin, there are no big sins or small sins or more justifiable sins…all sin is the same.  So does this mean that I dislike those who identify as gay or lesbian, no- most definitely not!  I don’t treat anyone that identifies in that community different/worse than any of my other neighbors (humanity).  I take this stance on the position that when Christ took on the sins of the world, the Father turned His head and could not allow his eyes to dwell upon His sin any longer- not because Christ was a bad  person but because sin was upon Him, and God can’t tolerate or be in the presence of what is deemed sin.  So…if He turned His head and did not even look at His only begotten Son, whom He loved dearly- what makes me think, He is going to wink at my sin.

Anyways…I’m not up here to argue with anyone or convert anyone to my beliefs.  I have many in my life that identify with the LGBT community that I love very much.  We don’t agree in regards to our lifestyles but we can peacefully engage in conversation, enjoy wonderful meals together and love each other regardless….

I don’t have a problem with those that are in that community, my problem comes from those that antagonize me, put me down, and harass me via social media because I have a different opinion. I don’t go around telling people that they need to convert to Christianity- I believe that coming to God is a choice and I respect the idea of people having the ability to choose their lifestyle.

A small minority of the LGBT community has come across as super aggressive and have rallied this idea that if you don’t care for the way I live than you are filled with hatred and bigotry, which is not the case.  I know a lot of people that don’t care for my lifestyle of faith- it doesn’t mean they hate me, it means that they disagree with how I see the world.  Everyone is entitled to their own opinion.

Why can’t I have an opinion?  Since so many opinions are made about me?  This girl told me that she “was gonna make me gay.” I don’t want to be gay. My heterosexual orientation is my preference, I think girls are awesome but I don’t want to be with one.  What gives her the right to aggressively try to make me into something I don’t want to be?  I never told her I  was going to make her love Jesus… So what gives her the idea that she can make me gay?  Or why am I seeing pictures of Crucifixes with men kissing Christ on the cross??? Why is it okay to cross the line and make something that I hold with deep religious revere sacrilegious???? Why??? What have I ever done to the community?  Why is it okay for someone to call me a homophobe?  I’m not scared of homosexuals.  I love those in the LGBT community, the same way I love those who are apart of the “Straight” club.  I get these messages of “You Christians are so judgmental.” “You Christians are so hypocritical.”  “You Christians are this…” “You Christians are that …”But who says any of that applies to me?  Yes, I am a Christian but the same way I can’t judge someone because of their sexual orientation, I shouldn’t be judged because of my standard of faith.

I don’t have a problem with the LGBT community, I have a problem with disrespect.

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Featured Image Credit: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/236x/cc/e3/26/cce3262d123f89433c1ccda35ec8f64c.jpg

Am I The Next Victim?

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

I saw the news about Eric Harris’ death and my heart is saddened.  As a young black female, I always believed that the world was getting better.  That one day, people would see me for me and not because of my chocolate complexion.  I believe that in Christ, we are called to love others regardless of their race, gender, sexual orientation, etc.  WE are called to love.  So when I see individuals all around the world, get killed because of their skin or because pride in positions of authority- my heart becomes saddened.  How many people have to die before change comes?  How many people have to get away in our flawed justice system?  This epidemic of hatred is not targeted to men only, women my age are dying for no legitimate reason.  Women my age, because they look like me are victims to police brutality.  Women my age, because they look like me are subjected to a lifestyle of fear.  I sit and watch my News Feed blow up with the complaints of a people, whose anger could fuel something lethal for our society.  We are called to love!  We are called to care about others regardless of what they look like?  I just wished our justice system followed this simple rule of love as well.

I’m black.  I’m 22. I’m a woman.

Am I the next victim? 

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Featured Image Credit: http://naturallymoi.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/02/black-lives-matter.jpg

You Don’t Have To Beat Me To Love Me

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

In honor of today’s effort in raising awareness for Domestic Violence, I thought I would discuss a few things that are very important in the prevention of new tragic instances.

Ladies and Gentlemen (because we have some abusive women too), I thought I would tell you something very important.  YOU ARE VALUABLE.  You are not worthless, you are not a doormat to be walked all over upon and you were never created to be mistreated and abused.  You was not created to be control by another, nor was your free will designed to be stripped from you.  You as not designed to be trapped- you was created to be loved, cherished and treasured.

IF ANYONE comes into your life and treats you otherwise: THAT IS A RED FLAG.  DO NOT settle/tolerate for the verbal abuse. DO NOT settle/tolerate being alienated from your family/friends. DO NOT settle/tolerate being controlled.  YOU are NO MAN/WOMAN‘s dog, possession or toy- YOU ARE SPECIAL AND SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH.  

I DON’T CARE HOW BIG HE OR SHE IS ….DON’T ACCEPT MISTREATMENT.

God made you in HIS image!!! You were designed in HIS beauty and should be treasured as such.  I was in a verbally abusive relationships and tolerated it because of my own insecurities and lack of identity- but once I can into myself, I realized that I had no need to be treated disrespectfully.  I did not deserve to be pushed around.  I did not deserve to be cheated on .  I did not deserve to be cussed out and called everything but a child of God.  GOD DOES NOT BEAT ME, SO WHY SHOULD I ALLOW A MAN TO BEAT ME? If a man is supposed to treat me as God does- why would I allow him to manipulate me? to play with my heart?  to lie and cheat me? WHY?  I’M BETTER THAN THAT and SO ARE YOU!!!!

YOU DON”T HAVE TO BEAT ME TO LOVE ME.

Period.

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Check out a poem I wrote about the aftermath of my friend witnessing mother being abused by his dad. : https://authenticlove789.com/2014/09/23/wish-i-had-known/

Featured Image Credit : http://www.thecommentator.com/system/articles/inner_pictures/000/005/408/original/Domestic-Violence-Victim.jpg?1418200800