She’s Dead.

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers

I bet many of you are looking at the title of today’s blog and you’re like “What???” But what many of you do not know,  is that a piece of me died today.  Yep, a portion of myself that held me back, that kept me stuck in the rut of my past, that caused me to lose hope/faith in God- that thing/piece died.  That fearful, anxious, timid girl died, and I’m happy that she has been laid to rest.

It’s insane to belong to Christ, yet still live like the world.  Right?  Why buy into this new way if you’re still going to experience the same old troubles and hardships?  Why work to never enter rest?  As I grow in my faith with God, I realized that the way I was living my life was never what he intended.  He did not design me to be stressed, extremely exhausted, malnourished and utterly miserable.  God did not save me so that I could have a miserable life, but this was my life day in and out- miserable.

 I was saved to be filled with joy, to hope in something bigger than myself, to live full out fearless and free from anxiety.

I was a bound daughter, living like an orphan, striving and working in my own strength to make my dreams come true.  Due to this life, I suffered greatly: mentally and in my physical health.  Yet, in grace and mercy, the Father never disowned me but in gentleness and compassion he beckoned me to himself and loved me anyway.  Though I was still the girl who was afraid of living, he still loved me.  Even though I still found myself in the rat race of life, he still loved me.  Even though sometimes I got it wrong: said the wrong thing & did the wrong thing; he still loved me.

It was this love that kept pushing at my fortress of fear,  it kept smashing against its doors, looking to destroy it once and for all.  For His perfect love casts out (banishes) all fear!

When I became a Christian, He promised that I would be a new creature that the old things of life would have no more effect on the new that was to come.  I lived as a ghost of my former self: afraid, anxious, lonely, depressed but my new self is none of those things.  My new self is fearless, full of trust, at rest, loved well, and full of joy.  So today, as I was talking to the Father, he explained that the season I was in was one of the old dying so that the new could come.  So today, I make a declaration in faith that the old person: anxiety-ridden, fearful, striving, lonely, depressed, and overwhelmed is dead.  She died and she no longer exists! I am now fearless, bold, confident, trusting, at rest, in peace, full of joy and optimism, at ease, and never alone for He abides with me.

Goodbye old, may you never resurface again.  Thank you for teaching me about my strength, thank you for showing me that there was more to life than what I was living, thank you for being my past- for my past led me to Jesus who gives me the authority to proclaim my perfected future.  Goodbye, good riddance, may you rest forevermore!

Hello new, may you spring up!  May I perceive you all the time, rest in you, and long for you.  May I never become content with settling with what I’ve already seen when there is so much more to come.  I welcome you, I identify with you, I identify as you: new.  I rest in you, for you are a gift from my Father to me.

Until next time,

Simone (new and improved🦁)

FIC: https://image.shutterstock.com/image-photo/tombstone-graves-ancient-church-graveyard-260nw-508109173.jpg

Scriptural Citation: 1 John 4:18; 2 Corinthians 5:17; Isaiah 43:18-19

Also, a link to what the word casts out is in Greek and what that means, it’ll provide better understanding and context to the scripture referenced.  (1Jn 4:18)

https://www.biblestudytools.com/lexicons/greek/nas/ekballo.html

Dead Man Walking

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

Yesterday I posted one of the most depressing article known to man.  I felt dead on the inside, numb and just plain exhausted.   Have you ever been in a place emotionally where it seemed like to feel was the worst option ever?  Like it hurts to feel?  I was in that place, a dead man walking and just going through the motions because I had to- never really expressing the deep hurt that was in my heart.  I was so angry with God, angry that my life wasn’t turning out the way I imagined, angry that I kept experiencing hurt from those I have given love to  and angry that no one could see that I was dead- a dead man walking.  I was just plain angry; sitting in  a church that was telling me to hope and believe, that God understood how I was feeling, that everything was going to work out.  As I sat in the church, I became more angry…I became so infuriated that I refused to worship.  I refused to pray or praise or give thanks- I did not want to be connected to God.  I did not want to have anything to do with Him.  Like a professional, I slowly disconnected my spirit from Him- I was committing suicide, I wanted to die. 

It’s crazy how in our dark times, we realize what we are made of.  It’s in the moments of hopelessness that we understand the gift of hope, in sorrow we understand joy and in chaos we understand the importance of peace.  It’s not until we are dead in our spirits that we seek to live more than ever before.  I wanted to heal but was broken so bad, I didn’t think I could be whole.  I wanted to live but I thought I was too far gone for a resurrection.  I wanted to be happy but I made sadness apart of my daily routine, the coat that shielded me from the world,  I wanted nothing to do with God but He wanted everything to do with me…

Out of His love and compassion, He came by my side and poured His love on me.  He helped me to let go of all the hurt , He touched my heart and He loved me.   He made me come alive!

I realized yesterday that I don’t want to pretend in life.  I don’t want to say I’m okay when I’m not, I don’t want to smile when I’m crying on the inside.  I’m tired of battling things behind closed doors, the demons of loneliness and rejection that comes to kill me and muffle my voice. So yesterday, I didn’t wear the mask of the “have- it-all-together” church girl, I was honest and I became free,  True freedom comes through honesty. Keep your eyes open because they may be some around you who are dead men walking

Until next time,

Mo 🙂