Recurring Thoughts

When I started a new journey,

I thought of you.

When I was broken and when I was lonely,

I thought of you.

When congrats was in order,

I thought of you.

When my ears only heard bad news,

I thought of you.

When my life flashed before my eyes,

I thought of you.

As the death mobile laughed out lies,

I thought of you.

When my dreams fell and shattered into two,

I thought of you.

When I lost myself in the chaos,

I thought of you.

When I became overwhelmed in life’s rush,

I thought of you.

As glass crashed all around and Bella said goodbye.

As rejection letters flooded my mailbox- and I cried out “God, why?”

As I leaped into and out of relationships and my confidence went down the drain.

As I pulled myself out of depression, and promised I wouldn’t be the same.

As  I walked across that stage and entered into the world.

As my heart was played over  and I was no longer anyone’s girl.

As my sister disappointed me so and ministry broke my spirit.

As truth was sung around me but I was too stubborn to hear it.

As my plan didn’t match God’s plans and my life turned into a wreck.

As I bounced back and learned to trust in the midst of havoc.

I thought and I prayed and I tried not to think of you…

I tried my hardest not to dwell on you while I was in the storm,

while sadness became my norm.

While I felt worthless and through, I tried my hardest…

not to think of you.

But even now as the sun break through life’s stormy seas

and good weather touch the inner workings of my heart by small degrees.

And as life turns unto a favorable street,

and  as I make sure my face is beat-

Darling, I think of you….

You are and forever will be in my recurring thoughts.

©Simone Holloway, 2015

Featured Image Credit: http://supertradmum-etheldredasplace.blogspot.com/2013/04/thoughts-on-black-and-white.html

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