I Refuse To Remember

I can’t remember the last time I wrote you.
In prose, poetry, sentences, words, breaths…
I don’t remember becoming this brave,
yet here I am.
Again, I realize that I made the right choice-
life changed the moment I chose me.
I think I’ve found my future’s key.

I can’t remember the last time I spoke to you.
In sound, actions, deeds, man I can finally breathe…
I don’t remember returning to a mind that’s sane,
yet here I am.
Yet again, I realize that I made the best decision-
time stood still the second I walked away.
Man, my heart is no longer a game that can be played.

I can’t remember the last time I…
…thought of you.
…whispered your name.
…wished you were with me.
…wanted life to be the same.
…sung your favorite song.
…stalked your Facebook page.
…ate your favorite meal.
…allowed memories of you to fill me with rage.
…prayed that you would be faithful.
…hung my head low at your mistakes.
…desired to be in your arms.
…got caught up in our on -again off -again breaks.
…chose regret.
…downplayed my life’s purpose.
…diminished my beauty and brilliance.
…allowed you to distract and steal my focus.

I can’t remember.
I won’t remember.
I refuse to remember… what life looked like with you in it.

©Simone Holloway, 2018

FIC: https://i.pinimg.com/236x/28/99/04/289904751d13d5c9edbf95cf82da724b–fantasy-photography-shadow-photography.jpg

 

 

Senioritis: an epidemic

Hello friends, 

As you may know, graduation from Undergraduate is in two weeks and I feel myself procrastinating more as the time goes. I’ve been diagnosed with senioritis- the epidemic most seniors suffer from on the collegiate level.  Senioritis is characterized as a disease where individuals stop caring about school, tests, assignments, etc.  It is during this time, where stress should be high that the mind deals with anxiety in an opposite way- the mind convinces you not to care.  Crazy, huh? I think it has gotten worst as I received the various acceptances letters into law school.  My motivation for getting good grades became my excuse for slacking.  “I don’t need to  worry- I already got my future set.”   Does that sound familiar?  That is how I am feeling at this very moment, I am lacking motivation to study or care about studying or talk about the stressful environment I live in.  I just don’t care anymore.  There, I said it- I was completely honest with myself- I don’t care.  Friends, this feeling is not good.  What should I do?  Should I work harder and consume my thoughts of what I have to do in like three days?  Should I relax more and then get this feeling out of my system?  If you have any suggestions for my epidemic, comment or write me.  I NEED YOUR HELP!!!!!!!!! Thanks!  

 

Until next time, 

Mo.