Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic.

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers- 

I hope you all are having a fantastic day!  Today is full of wonder, discovery and the beauty of reminiscing on beautiful things.  I have a confession, well a few confessions that I would love to share with each of you.  No worries, I promise not to exhaust you all with all my inner musings.  This is what I would like to call: “Confessions of a Hopeful Romantic.” 

*Drum roll please * 

Confession #1: I love handwritten notes. 

When someone handwrites me a note, my heart soars.  There is something so precious and nostalgic about a handwritten note. The time, effort and words on a simple sheet of paper fills my love tank.  I love words, so when someone takes the time to share their heart with me, I am loved well.

Confession #2: I am an old soul. 

I am only twenty-six years old but on the inside, I feel like I am in my forties.  I feel like my soul has lived a few lives.  I love the gestures our parents and grandparents took to express love.  I remember the days when people used to write letters to express their love for others.  I remember when skywriters still had jobs, the days when walking in the rain was both beautiful and sacred.  I remember those days.  I watched as a generation abandoned what was personal for that which was convenient.  Texting and sending emails became easier than phone calls and God forbid you would receive an actual card in the mail.

Confession #3: I am a sentimental person. 

I keep all of the cards given to me in a box, and sometimes I reread the words written to me.  When I pull these cards from the box, it is like I am reliving an amazing memory- the moment I felt loved by that person.  My heart reads the beautiful words on the card and love enters once again.  I love how a simple gesture creates such a profound emotional connection. 

Confession #4: I have a killer memory.

I remember twirling a phone cord around my finger as I chatted with friends.  I remember collecting CD covers so that I could admire the artists’ work.  I remember always attending an event with a gift in hand.  I remember walking to and from school.  I remember the days when friendship meant everything and loyalty was valued.  I remember when girl code was in full effect and if your girl talked to ole dude, you did not. I remember the days when we were a covenant-keeping generation when we cared about those we loved.  I remember the days when others like me loved a handwritten note.

*Sighs*

I guess today’s article is my way of expressing that our advancements in technology and progression robbed us of quality in the name of convenience.  We are faster in completing things but we lost the essence of being present.  We can get so much work done, yet we have lost the beauty of a well-maintained community.  For friends, to love well takes time.  We cannot microwave healing, we cannot rush love.  Do not get me wrong, I love all that we have achieved as a community of people but I would take a handwritten note over a bland email. I would trade an expensive gift for something handmade, something that took thought, consideration and time.  I would trade a night on the town, for staying in and watching my favorite film with un-buttered popcorn.  I am such a simple girl, that longs for simplicity in life.  Yet, is not this the one thing that we all desire?  Simplicity.  Simple decisions, simple commitments, a simple love. Loves, am I insane for believing that things such as love do not have to be incredibly burdensome and hard?

My final confession:  I believe that love does not have to be burdensome and hard.

I just refuse to believe that I must suffer first to be loved well. I refuse to believe that the world is void of good men and women.  I refuse to believe that we are all selfish, self-seeking monsters full of brokenness entering into relationships.  I refuse to believe that true love is dead, that soulmates do not exist, and that we can no longer have a deep meaningful conversation with those we love.  Maybe I am naive, or maybe I am hopeful because I have seen love done well.  I have seen a time of meaningful relationships and I believe that we have the power to return back to a state of being present, intentional, and whole.  I believe that what we have complicated, does not have to be so hard.

I promise it does not have to be so hard.

Xoxo,

Simone 

FIC: https://artlikewhoa.files.wordpress.com/2012/06/khadijahm_romanticism_natural010.jpg

the switch up.

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers-

Inspiration hits me in the most random places and for once Facebook was more than a distraction but a source of encouragement and joy.  I watched as one of my sisters expressed herself unapologetically in boldness, strength, and grace.  She switched up in the game and I was here for all of it!  She was becoming herself and it was beautiful, almost led me into a little tear-fest but I am a G so I reflected and thought about my own experience- my own switch up.

With John Mayer playing in the background, I sat and thought about my journey.  The Simone from July 2018 no longer exists and I am glad!  I was dope or whatever but I was too passive, cared way too much about the opinions of others and allowed people to take advantage of me.   I was living life for others but wasn’t truly living for me.  It was the end of July and I just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship.  I remember having this talk with God about what I deserved as a woman, as a godly woman.  I was the girl that hid behind her career, behind her gifts and preferred the background over the limelight any day.  I was not too confident with my body and I had a host of fears, I mean your girl was afraid of EVERYTHING!  It is crazy looking back at how bound I was…

I remember the Father directing me to start working out with my girl Lex.  She has a fitness brand/training company called LoveLex, where you come to love your now as you’re working on your next.  I started to work out with her and a group of my friends and fell in love with my body.  Things slowly began to change.  I was in my last year of law school and I no longer hid in the classroom, I began to share my opinion more and began to be transparent about my journey.  I started to embrace my favorite word, “NO.” and put up a host of boundaries.  I even had to switch up from this passive person to a more assertive person,  I transformed from a little lamb into a lioness and I began to take myself seriously. The switch-up was in full effect but the world did not become introduced to the “new” me until January 2019.  As soon as the clock struck midnight,   new me became visible to those around me.  It was an immediate change: my confidence level was on ten, I knew my worth and I was a thriving boss chick that was no longer settling for mess.   

As January faded and February began, I became more racially conscience.  I fell in love with my blackness and realized that all of my melanin was hella beautiful.  Your girl started to rock her natural hair, afro and all!  I read about my ancestors, began to honor my black kings and queens and developed a love for my black heroes that paved the way before me.  I pledged to honor Fannie, Angela, and Ella; to use my influence and position of power as an attorney to rid the world of injustice.  Your girl is black black and I love all of it!  Spring came with March and I was this no-nonsense believer who was more interested in acting out scripture than shaming people with it.  I got a hold of grace and I understood the love of God which went farther than perfection.  It was the most liberating experience of my life.  I was no longer living for church politics or for people who did not create me to accept me, I was accepted already.  I attended dances, went to mixers, traveled all over the country for conferences, and went on day trips- I was having the time of my life!   I became free.

April came and then May followed and before you knew it, I  graduated from law school and I embraced my intelligence as a gift from God.  God was doing a work in my heart and I began to heal emotionally.  I rid my life of the past and I was walking towards my future.  I woke up and realized that I was worthy of happiness, worthy of love, worthy of hearing and being told the truth.  I was worth all of the good in the world. Even today, I look in the mirror and do not recognize the person I see.  I transformed into a new person: one who is full of love and courage, one who is free to speak her mind and express herself, one who loves herself enough to wait.  My change has been transformative for my esteem.

I think every woman goes through this process of awakening when you realize that what you’ve settled for is not all that life has to offer.  There is a moment when you love  yourself enough not to accept half-promises and half-truths.  You come to love yourself more than the comfort of someone, more than the opportunities given, more than the limitations others will place upon you.  There is a day in every woman’s life when she falls in love with herself and her understanding of her dopeness changes the trajectory of her life.  I fell in love with me and that’s when my life changed for the better.  My friends tease me and say that I switched up the game, I did but I think we should all have a day where we switch up on those who thought they knew us, thought they could run us, control us, manipulate us or abuse us.  Switch up Queen and slay as you move into freedom!

Xoxo,

Simone

The V-Club.

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers-

Friends, I have a confession to make… I am a sucker for a good reality TV series.  Reality TV is one of my guilty pleasures and I get a thrill watching all the drama unfold on my television set.  I think it is the lack of drama in my own life that gives me the space to enjoy others’ petty behavior.  Anyways, I am a huge fan of a reality TV series called Married at First Sight™.  The concept is simple:  two perfect strangers agree to marry at first sight for eight weeks.  At the end of the eight week period,  they can then decide to stay married or to divorce.  First of all, I could NEVER marry a perfect stranger.  Absolutely not! Like, dating in 2019 must suck so bad that people are out here willingly engaging in arranged marriages.  This past season there was a girl named Iris on the show.  She was characterized as smart, beautiful, loving and also a virgin.  She decided to not share herself sexually with anyone other than her spouse-to-be.  To me, Iris was legit.  Home-girl even brought herself the most beautiful white dress to celebrate her virginity.  Well, the man she married…he was not too thrilled about her choice.  In fact, he divorced her because of it. He wanted someone who had as much sexual experience as him and in the end, he walked away from his marriage to Iris.

So… what does this have to do with me?  Quite a bit! For the first time, I saw a public display of one of my fears.  As someone who is also a member of the V-Club, I fear that this gift I want to save for my spouse will be looked upon with shame, it will be the thing that disqualifies me, giving him fuel to walk away.  There is nothing like virgin-shaming.  You know, that awkward silence and weird look people give you when they find out you do not have any experience in that “department”.  I remember guys making sexual advances towards me and when I had to explain why I was not accepting them, I would get the classic response: (1) Lack of Eye Contact;  (2) Hand rubbing the back of the head; and finally (3) The Pivoted Stance.  It was as if the dude could not wait to jet to the nearest door.  All of a sudden, it felt like I had a disease.

Watching Iris leave her marriage heartbroken spoke to every one of my fears.  What if I save myself for marriage and he is disappointed in my lack of experience?  What if sex is a deal-breaker for him?  How would I know if I am doing “it” right?  OMGGGGGG talk about increased anxiety.  My friends are always like girl I wish I was in your position, if I could go back, I would have waited too.  Yeah…that’s so encouraging but they do not understand what it is like to be me.

I read a few articles that discussed the shame virgins sometimes face surrounding their choice, and my friends that shame is real.  We sometimes feel shame for being different; we sometimes feel shame for being sensual and sexually frustrated; we sometimes feel shame for wanting to throw our V-cards away.  We feel all levels of shame sometimes around something that God himself created to be good.  There is this terrible notion that if we let that piece of ourselves go, we failed the mission- we missed the mark.  Yet, this same shame speaks to us and says that if we do not turn into some type of sexual vixen for our husbands in time then we should be ashamed as well.  I have talked to virgins with high sex drives that feel shame; I’ve spoken to those who engage in casual sex and have felt shame.  It seems that no matter your moral compass or beliefs, shame has the capability of robbing us of the joy that comes with pleasure.

Yet, is not shame like that?  You will spend your whole life believing in your pursuit or call and the response of the one you love will make you second guess your covenant.  What you looked upon with pride, you now look upon with regret.  I think that experiences like Iris’ or even mine during my college years have the power to shape us.  We can either stick to our conviction, or to win the love of another we can compromise.

Lifetime™ did a “Where Are They Now?” special with the cast members of the last season of Married at First Sight™.  Iris showed up looking amazing.  She sat next to her now ex-husband, the one she came to love, radiating strength and light.  She boldly proclaimed, “It’s okay because now I am a divorced virgin, an even more rare gem.”  I sat in front of the TV, marveled at her post-break up glow, and chuckled to myself.  She was a rare gem. Yet, even if she was no longer a virgin she would have been a rare gem.  For,   she was someone who stood by her convictions.  She had so much discipline and so much confidence in herself that it seemed like all of the shame regarding her marriage’s demise drifted away.  Iris was okay! Heck, she was better than okay!

Well friends, why the sex talk?  First, I figured we are all mature adults able to have a candid conversation about something the world idolizes.  Second, I wanted to share my story to let my fellow V-club members know that there are more people like you out there.  It is rare, but we do exist.  Third, I believe that we must stop allowing shame to rob us of connection and pleasure with God and others.  Shame does not keep us out of the lifestyle of sin, oftentimes it has the adverse effect- it coaches us right into it.  We must share our stories free of shame and be able to stand by our convictions without thinking something is wrong with us.  There is freedom and acceptance in making choices for your journey.  Lastly, since when is sex not a topic of conversation for the believer?  If it was created by God to give glory to God, why do we shy away from discussing its pros and cons absent of godly covenant? In our efforts to keep ourselves out of sexual immorality, we have demonized something given to us as a gift to enrich intimacy.  The church, its people and everyone in between should be able to speak freely about all things pertaining to sex, sexuality and sexual health. So, let us open ourselves up to candid conversation to discover the power of truth and honesty.  Shying away from relevant conversation does not make us wise, but rather extremely foolish.

Well loves, that is it for today!  Stay safe out there.

Xoxo,

Simone

 

Seasons Change

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers- 

Happy Wednesday!  I’m so sorry, I know it’s been a while since we chatted.  I’ve been incredibly busy. Between my job, an increased workload and a lot of new responsibility, life has been slightly overwhelming.  I work for an agency that help people in need.  Did you know that around the holidays, evictions are at an all-time high?  Yep, crazy right?   I talk to people all day who are in crisis situations.  It’s so disheartening, yet it’s fulfilling when our agency is able to provide the help that they need. Friends, I’ve been leaning into grace more and more.  Anyways, today, I wanted to share my thoughts about how quickly seasons change.

Once upon a time, a couple of months ago actually, I was sitting with the Lord complaining about the inactivity of my life.  I remember carrying on about how I wished things would pick up.  As a born-bred city girl, I do not know how to rest. I am a bonafide go-getter who is always looking to what’s next:  the next project, the next adventure, the next creative idea.  I am fascinated with the next and I live future-oriented.  This can be good sometimes in that this mindset keeps me from being bogged down in my past.  However, this trait can be terrible because it causes me to miss out on all the beauty that lies within my present. During those few months, my life was still- I mean really still.  I would describe it as boring.  I complained and complained some more.   I was not satisfied with the sweet stillness of my present.  Ultimately, my season changed.  As soon as I became comfortable with stillness, activity returned back to my life and now I am busier than ever.  I mean EXTREMELY BUSY! I can’t remember the last time I took a nap.  My alarm goes off at 6 in the morning and I don’t see my bed again to about 11pm that evening.  I’m on the go.  Yet, it is now that I yearn for those sweet moments of rest.  Now, I appreciate stillness.

Friends, I think the moral of this share-fest is to find contentment in the here and now.  Enjoy rest, honor rest because rest lasts only a short while.  Honor activity, learn from your busy seasons because you’ll need the vibrancy in life to make you yearn for sweet stillness.  God being so balanced in everything he does, orchestrates our seasons to what we can handle.  He teaches us about ourselves and he reveals his goodness in the process.  Trust Him and find your way with Him. This go-getter appreciates a day off and has found peace in knowing that the work can wait.

May you find balance and come to appreciate each season in your life.

Xoxo,

Simone

P.S.  Since my life is a little hectic, please know that I love each of you.  I will respond to your emails, DMs, and other forms of communication as quickly as I can.  Bear with me and know that I’m praying for you all always.  Much love!

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