I Refuse To Remember

I can’t remember the last time I wrote you.
In prose, poetry, sentences, words, breaths…
I don’t remember becoming this brave,
yet here I am.
Again, I realize that I made the right choice-
life changed the moment I chose me.
I think I’ve found my future’s key.

I can’t remember the last time I spoke to you.
In sound, actions, deeds, man I can finally breathe…
I don’t remember returning to a mind that’s sane,
yet here I am.
Yet again, I realize that I made the best decision-
time stood still the second I walked away.
Man, my heart is no longer a game that can be played.

I can’t remember the last time I…
…thought of you.
…whispered your name.
…wished you were with me.
…wanted life to be the same.
…sung your favorite song.
…stalked your Facebook page.
…ate your favorite meal.
…allowed memories of you to fill me with rage.
…prayed that you would be faithful.
…hung my head low at your mistakes.
…desired to be in your arms.
…got caught up in our on -again off -again breaks.
…chose regret.
…downplayed my life’s purpose.
…diminished my beauty and brilliance.
…allowed you to distract and steal my focus.

I can’t remember.
I won’t remember.
I refuse to remember… what life looked like with you in it.

©Simone Holloway, 2018

FIC: https://i.pinimg.com/236x/28/99/04/289904751d13d5c9edbf95cf82da724b–fantasy-photography-shadow-photography.jpg

 

 

Sitting In A Chair 

I’m here, sitting in a chair…

thinking about you.

I’m reclined as my mind settle into this routine of bringing you

into

the rear view mirror of my heart…. 

I haven’t written in a while afraid that if my words touch you…

you too would break, and I’m here picking up the broken pieces 

of my broken life trying not to be have King Midas’ cursed touch…

Longing but hiding…

Praying but keeping….

my distance- 

because I won’t be able to….

breathe….

if I…, if I….

break 

you.

©Simone Holloway,2015 

Written from the perspective of a broken soul…

Features artwork from :http://overasiaandbackagain.blogspot.com/2010/04/imaris-okawamachi.html?m=1

Shutting My Life Down

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

Today is the last day that I will be speaking with you all for a little while.  I am studying for the LSAT and therefore, I decided to shut my life down and focus all of my energy into prepping for the LSAT.  Sounds extreme, right? If you want extreme results, you got to do extreme things.  I think that God is giving me a second chance and that means I need to do everything in my power to make sure that I don’t waste this chance being given to me.  You know gang, I didn’t get into the law schools I wanted to go to- and the rejection letters, caused me to wake up!  To wake up to what was around me.  Pain has this amazing quality to make us more aware of what we are missing, what we want and what we are willing to do to go after it.  I thought about giving up on my dream, trust me I did- but if I give up before I even walk in my divine destiny, I wasn’t worthy of having it in the first place.  So now I’m back at square one….aiming to change my life through the help of God and His grace.

When you are given a lot of “no”s,you make it your objective to work for your “yes”.  I am working for my “yes” and if that means I swap out my social media time (which is a lot) for study time and going the extra mile in preparation- at the end of the day, it’s all going to be worth it!  When I’m in law school, prepping for the bar exam; I’m going to look back on these days of hardships and say that every “no” was worth it, because it taught me discipline, ambition and drive.  These past few hard months matured me and it taught me that if I am not passionate about my dream, no one is going to be passionate about it.

Keep me in your prayers, October 3rd is the test date.  In fact, mark that day on ya’lls calendars and pray with me on that day, that I would be confident and collected.  Pray that God will bring back to my remembrance all that I studied and learned.  Pray that God will be with me in that testing session, giving me peace as I prepare to take the legal world by storm.  Please pray and be encouraged by my story not to give up on your dreams, but rather to work extra hard for them in the face of adversity.

Shut your life down to get what you want.

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Featured Image Credit: http://chelseacappello.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/believe.jpg

P.S. I will miss you guys very much and if you want to send me any encouraging notes during this process, comment below or email me at authenticlove789@gmail.com ❤ ❤ ❤

Bodily Response

my eyes are smiling
my ears are listening
for the song that is your laugh
and I am waiting here in our secret place for you.
my hands are fidgeting
my feet are shaking
as nervous energy absorbs me
and I, trying to remain calm as I sit here in this place- figuring out what to do.
my heart is doing this little dance
my gut is speaking it's piece
as I make one of the biggest decisions of my life
and I decide to try
to love
with you
again.
©Simone Holloway, 2015

Featured Image Credit: http://i171.photobucket.com/albums/u305/zhoep/secretgarden.jpg

Dishes

plates, glasses, and cups
all bathing in lukewarm water
filled with more bubbles than a canister
my fingers pruning from the length of time
spent cleaning these delicate things
made of porcelain and glass
Alas!  my thoughts run towards you
a love simply true
but like plates need a little bath
from the outpouring of wrath
a consequence of circumstances
out of our control
we just couldn't get a good hold
on what we wanted to be
deciding to cancel what was you and me
but as my pool of tears
stare into this cleansing pool I created
frustrated
I realize that I miss you
to the point that I can't breathe
because you aren't near
you aren't here
with
me
....
so when are we
going to take the time to clean up us
to rebuild trust
to make amends amongst ourselves
to escape this hell
that we
voluntarily
submitted to
like it or not
our destiny is wrapped into one another
we were destined to be together
our future
blossoming within our union
.
confusion
comes to those who aren't paying attention
to the nature of redemption
that is being extended towards them
I could count up the sum
of your wrongs toward me
but where would I be?
harboring anger to the one I love
my gift from God above
who didn't know he was a gift
heaven-sent
yet
accepted shame like damnation from hell
as if under a spell
was convinced that he wasn't good enough
to be loved
by me.
yet I
willing to pry
into the depths of your heart
shine the flashlight of truth
and my love becomes the proof
that "love remembers no wrongs"
that all of the songs
about forgiveness doesn't have to come from a kiss
that mercy and grace actually exists
existing while being extended towards you
What are you going to do?

Like those dishes we need to be  cleaned up 
but, I'm waiting on you
©Simone Holloway, 2015

Featured Image Credit: http://img.allw.mn/content/www/2010/08/7-ways-to-conserve-water/don-t-run-it-while-doing-dishes_7-ways-to-conserve-water.jpg

I Just Don’t Know

I used to have all the answers

About how I felt about you

But, now I’m speechless…

I just don’t know

I used to be so clear

Clear about you

But, now no words come….

I feel stuck in the middle

Of speech and silence

Of happiness and anger

Of certainty and doubt

I just don’t know

To hear that you dream of me

The same way I dream of you

To hear that you think of me

As much as I think of you

To hear that I’m in your heart

The same way you’re in mine

My mouth is vacuum-sealed shut

Afraid that if I open my mouth

Things will change

You’ll decide otherwise

Because for the first time in my life

I have to decide whether it’s right

To love you again

To keep you at arm’s length

To allow between us more distance

And to tell you the truth

I’m no longer confident

That if I follow my heart

It won’t lead me astray

My gut failed me before

When it gambled on you

So now what?

What should I do?

I just don’t know….

“(c) Simone Holloway, 2014”

Featured Image Credit :http://i.imgur.com/BHSyEot.png

Decisions

We were together

Hand-in-Hand

Walking life’s beaten road

We were together

With time as sand 

It was Us against the World

On this path we walked

Day and night

We discovered life on the way

On this path

We sought

In love we wanted to stay

But we came to a fork in the road

                                                    I went left                                                  You went right

                                                  I became day                                              You became night

Decisions had been made

I thought we would be together

Forever

On this road

 We called life

But, decisions were made

Some not necessarily right

So I say

What should have been said

Things that others wouldn’t dare

But our choices are ours alone

They make us stop and stare

At what we have

vs.

What should be

The worst decision

Ever made

Was thinking you could live life

Without me

“(c) Simone Holloway, 2014”

Featured Image Credit :http://jackeybackman.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/09/fork-in-the-road.jpg

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I Fell…

I fell in love

But no one caught me

On the pavement

I hit my face

I took a risk

But no one gambled

Remembering moments

I wish I could erase

I gave my heart

Held nothing back

Eager to forget

My past

I was ready

To create a future

That wouldn’t last

I’ve done the love thing

So many times

Time and time again

I’ve learned the ropes

Of this heart game

I know the rules my friend

And while it may be dumb

Or a stupid choice

I choose to fall once more

But this time I’ll fall

Only for the guy

Ready to see

What’s in store

(c) Simone Holloway 2014

Featured Image Credit:http://www.impactlab.net/wp-content/uploads/2010/10/falling-in-love.jpg