the switch up.

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers-

Inspiration hits me in the most random places and for once Facebook was more than a distraction but a source of encouragement and joy.  I watched as one of my sisters expressed herself unapologetically in boldness, strength, and grace.  She switched up in the game and I was here for all of it!  She was becoming herself and it was beautiful, almost led me into a little tear-fest but I am a G so I reflected and thought about my own experience- my own switch up.

With John Mayer playing in the background, I sat and thought about my journey.  The Simone from July 2018 no longer exists and I am glad!  I was dope or whatever but I was too passive, cared way too much about the opinions of others and allowed people to take advantage of me.   I was living life for others but wasn’t truly living for me.  It was the end of July and I just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship.  I remember having this talk with God about what I deserved as a woman, as a godly woman.  I was the girl that hid behind her career, behind her gifts and preferred the background over the limelight any day.  I was not too confident with my body and I had a host of fears, I mean your girl was afraid of EVERYTHING!  It is crazy looking back at how bound I was…

I remember the Father directing me to start working out with my girl Lex.  She has a fitness brand/training company called LoveLex, where you come to love your now as you’re working on your next.  I started to work out with her and a group of my friends and fell in love with my body.  Things slowly began to change.  I was in my last year of law school and I no longer hid in the classroom, I began to share my opinion more and began to be transparent about my journey.  I started to embrace my favorite word, “NO.” and put up a host of boundaries.  I even had to switch up from this passive person to a more assertive person,  I transformed from a little lamb into a lioness and I began to take myself seriously. The switch-up was in full effect but the world did not become introduced to the “new” me until January 2019.  As soon as the clock struck midnight,   new me became visible to those around me.  It was an immediate change: my confidence level was on ten, I knew my worth and I was a thriving boss chick that was no longer settling for mess.   

As January faded and February began, I became more racially conscience.  I fell in love with my blackness and realized that all of my melanin was hella beautiful.  Your girl started to rock her natural hair, afro and all!  I read about my ancestors, began to honor my black kings and queens and developed a love for my black heroes that paved the way before me.  I pledged to honor Fannie, Angela, and Ella; to use my influence and position of power as an attorney to rid the world of injustice.  Your girl is black black and I love all of it!  Spring came with March and I was this no-nonsense believer who was more interested in acting out scripture than shaming people with it.  I got a hold of grace and I understood the love of God which went farther than perfection.  It was the most liberating experience of my life.  I was no longer living for church politics or for people who did not create me to accept me, I was accepted already.  I attended dances, went to mixers, traveled all over the country for conferences, and went on day trips- I was having the time of my life!   I became free.

April came and then May followed and before you knew it, I  graduated from law school and I embraced my intelligence as a gift from God.  God was doing a work in my heart and I began to heal emotionally.  I rid my life of the past and I was walking towards my future.  I woke up and realized that I was worthy of happiness, worthy of love, worthy of hearing and being told the truth.  I was worth all of the good in the world. Even today, I look in the mirror and do not recognize the person I see.  I transformed into a new person: one who is full of love and courage, one who is free to speak her mind and express herself, one who loves herself enough to wait.  My change has been transformative for my esteem.

I think every woman goes through this process of awakening when you realize that what you’ve settled for is not all that life has to offer.  There is a moment when you love  yourself enough not to accept half-promises and half-truths.  You come to love yourself more than the comfort of someone, more than the opportunities given, more than the limitations others will place upon you.  There is a day in every woman’s life when she falls in love with herself and her understanding of her dopeness changes the trajectory of her life.  I fell in love with me and that’s when my life changed for the better.  My friends tease me and say that I switched up the game, I did but I think we should all have a day where we switch up on those who thought they knew us, thought they could run us, control us, manipulate us or abuse us.  Switch up Queen and slay as you move into freedom!

Xoxo,

Simone

Am I The Next Victim?

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

I saw the news about Eric Harris’ death and my heart is saddened.  As a young black female, I always believed that the world was getting better.  That one day, people would see me for me and not because of my chocolate complexion.  I believe that in Christ, we are called to love others regardless of their race, gender, sexual orientation, etc.  WE are called to love.  So when I see individuals all around the world, get killed because of their skin or because pride in positions of authority- my heart becomes saddened.  How many people have to die before change comes?  How many people have to get away in our flawed justice system?  This epidemic of hatred is not targeted to men only, women my age are dying for no legitimate reason.  Women my age, because they look like me are victims to police brutality.  Women my age, because they look like me are subjected to a lifestyle of fear.  I sit and watch my News Feed blow up with the complaints of a people, whose anger could fuel something lethal for our society.  We are called to love!  We are called to care about others regardless of what they look like?  I just wished our justice system followed this simple rule of love as well.

I’m black.  I’m 22. I’m a woman.

Am I the next victim? 

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

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Never Mine

I guess I shouldn’t feel bad

Shouldn’t feel bad at all

That you’re not in my life

That you ignored my calls

The problem that I have

between you and me

Is that you led me on

And had me believe

Had me believe that you wanted me…

That you cared…

You had me believe that I belonged to you

Truth or Dare?

You dared me to trust you

To step in her shoes

To be your stand in girlfriend

Knowing that I would lose

Like an idiot, I played your game

Seeking to play you

Said I wouldn’t get too close

Not knowing what to do

I was the best “fake” girl

Patient and kind

A comforting presence

To a man that wasn’t mine

I was the best girlfriend

Supportive and true

The best for someone

As  undeserving as you

But to you I don’t place blame

I blame myself

I wallow in my own shame

My heart didn’t know about our plan

It didn’t understand

It began to fall in love

Wanted to hold your hand

So I used to be angry

I used to hate the world

I used to cry all night

And hate the one you called your girl

But now I’m over my mistakes

I’ve paid for my crime

For loving a man

That was never mine

(c) Simone Holloway 2014

Featured Image : https://farm4.staticflickr.com/3116/3091050968_c75d8c2753.jpg

I Spy

I Spy

I sit and wait for you.

I sit and I wait…

Time stands still-

Hours, minutes and seconds…slow to nothingness…

Nothing at all.

You see me,

I see you.

It’s our little game of “I spy”.

I spy with my little eye,

Who could be the love of my life?

Vibrant and Bright,

Bright and Kind.

I sit and I wait for you.

I sit and I wait…

You approach and  

I stay where I am..

In a place of hope,

A little less than a stride.

I sit in love and…I wait. 

I look at you, 

You look at me.

It’s our little game of “I spy”.

I spy with my little eye,

One who is vibrant, one who is kind.

I spy…

The love of my life.

– ❤ Mo

“Copyright, Sept.5. 2014, Mo”