Misplaced Expectations.

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

I’ve been guilty of many things, one being the placement of expectations on those I love without agreed upon conversation. I know what you’re thinking, “Simone, you can’t just be out here expecting things from people who have not verbalized their agreement to fulfill certain roles!” I know. It’s not my intention to placed these expectations on others but if we’re honest deep down on the inside, we expect people to love like we do. Yes, we do! We expect people to be as tolerant as us, to give as much as we do, to be concerned with what we care about, to see the world through our lens. The disappointment comes when we discover that someone is not loving us the way we expected them to, that they are not being as kind as we expected, that they are not as honest as we expected. Our disappointment comes from our own misplaced expectations.

I recently came to a place with someone that I love that left me deeply disappointed. I entered into this friendship with this person, shared my heart with them, even told them things that no one else knew about me. I became aware of a bit of dishonesty from them to me and I was deeply troubled: I WAS ANGRY!!! Man, you could not tell me I wasn’t justified in my response. The problem was, I was really angry with myself. Angry that I placed these expectations of honesty and truth upon someone and their failure of those expectations. If we’re honest, our anger is with ourselves. We’re disappointed that we placed faith and trust in someone that we thought could do no wrong, but they did. Problem is: we’re all human, liable to make mistakes. We are all liable to get it wrong and there is grace for mistakes.

So…if I could offer any advice. Please do not place expectations on people unless there has been a direct conversation stipulating behavior. We cannot expect perfection, but we should not tolerate crap either. Some things can be cleared up by mere communication. So have the conversation… do that person value honesty the way you do? How do they feel about the concept of respect? Do they value you? Why do they want to be in your life? What is the role that they want to place in your life? Do you agree with this role? Express your feelings, desires, stances on relational definitions and let the chips fall where they lay.

Rid your life of misplaced expectations.

Xoxo,

Simone

FIC: https://cloud.visura.co/346518.xx_large.jpg

So, I Obeyed God…Now What?

Hello old friends, new followers & fellow bloggers-

Have you ever faced a hard decision?  Like, either you’re going to obey Him or you’re going to live life the way that you desire?  Once upon a time, not too long ago, I too was at this crossroad: either to obey Him or to live life for me.

The hardest decisions we must make are not the ones that we don’t feel but the decisions that we feel deeply.

So… as many of you may or may not have known, once upon a time, I was in a relationship with this (in my mind) dope guy.  I mean (in my mind) He was the next best thing since sliced bread.  He was it!  You hear me?  He was “the” perfect age, perfect height, he looked like a Ken doll, he had all the qualities I would have wanted for a guy: kindness, compassion, generosity, and intelligence.  He could do no wrong.  He was the one I was waiting for… or so I thought. I think we all in our minds imagine our lives with certain things:  certain careers, certain houses, certain cars, and even certain people.  It is like we race toward the finish line to make sure that we are set and therefore we settle for things and people that temporarily satisfy.  This is what I did with my relationship, I settled.

On a random Tuesday morning, God wanted to speak about the thing I held dear in my heart.  To tell you the truth, I held this person I loved more dearly than I did Him.  Yep, I was guilty of allowing someone to sit on His throne.  That morning, God came and He shared some truth with me and asked me to let my relationship go.  I had a choice, either I was going to trust my Father and obey or I was going to hold on to something out of the fear that what I was letting go, I would never find again.

I chose to let go:  not because I was brave, not even because I knew what was coming, but simply because I trusted God and His choices for my life.

So, I obeyed God… now what?  I obeyed and nothing really changed:  I’m single and I still desire companionship.  I obeyed and nothing really changed:  I’m still not as financially secure as I would prefer.  I obeyed and nothing really changed:  I’m still navigating through life alone and I don’t have anyone I can confide in.  These are just a few examples of our responses to obedience.  Ladies and gents, God never promised immediate change as the reward for obedience, but he did promise that trusting in Him will not cause us to be ashamed/humiliated/embarrassed.  Though it may appear that our act of obedience has done nothing, in retrospect that simple act has changed everything.  My act obedience wasn’t magic, it didn’t shield the pain of my decision, it didn’t make my decision easier but it gave me a peace about my future.

Obedience to the Father is an act of love and trust, not into what he has for you but into who he is and his nature to be good.

So, I obeyed God…now what?

Xoxo,

Simone 

But Samuel replied: “Does the Lord delight in burnt offerings and sacrifices as much as in obeying the Lord? To obey is better than sacrifice, and to heed is better than the fat of rams.” 1 Samuel 15:22 NIV

FIC: https://1.bp.blogspot.com/-TBZw5dQ8oN4/WDBeBCCvn1I/AAAAAAAAZ5g/ZrPUHCvFqqobU6U7VDHLsskd9cUqT5IcwCLcB/s1600/Path.jpg

 

Where Do We Find Meaning?

Dear old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers

Happy Monday!  I hope you all are doing well and that you’re not deflating under the  Monday Blues.

Anyways, I believe that we live in a world where people crave for something meaningful.  We desire for our lives, relationships, careers to hold meaning and to reflect some type of value within our society.  Think about it, would you choose your job if that position held no meaning within society: whether that is power, prestige, honor, etc.  What about your perfect guy or girl?  Do the characteristics they possess hold any weight within our value system? Even think of the homes we reside in, are the aesthetics one of “esteem” held within our society fixated on beauty and volume.  What if for a moment, we found meaning in just being the person we were created to be?  Marrying the spouse duly suited for our life and love goals?  Living in the home that we perceive to be best for us?  Working the career that we are passionate about and that changes a majority of lives?

Isn’t that meaningful?

Society teaches us that meaning is in our possession, accomplishments, and assets.  God, however, teaches us that meaning is within Him and as we find ourselves within who He is, we automatically hold meaning, value, and worth within society.  This value and meaning hold regardless of our looks, career, education, home aesthetics, and relationships.  Our lives are meaningful because we are meaningful, just as we are.

Until next time,

Simone

📷 FIC : https://tvo.org/archive-programs/maps-of-meaning

 

I’m So Busy….Doing What????

Hello Authentic Lovers!

I’m just getting a moment to breathe, working overtime to complete some task before Memorial weekend dawns upon us and I am feeling tired and slightly aggravated.  I was thinking a moment ago, why am I so busy?  And, am I busy doing something meaningful?  When you’re busy doing something purposeful, it’s like you find the motivation to continue in spite of being tired or stressed or etc.  But the real question for myself was, why am I so busy? And is what I am investing my time into, actually worth it?

I’m reminded of the story of Mary and Martha.  Jesus was coming into the town of Bethany and decided to stop my His friends; Mary,  Martha and Lazarus’ place.  Three siblings that shared this common bond of friendship with Jesus Christ.  Martha being ( I would assume) one of the older siblings, took it upon herself to prepare for Jesus’ arrival.  She prepared a meal and she served all of the guests that stopped by the house, she cleaned, she was so busy making sure everything was perfect for Him.  Mary on the other hand, as soon as Jesus came by, spent time in His presence and just sat at His feet- eating up His every word.  She was still but she was busy too, busy feeding her soul.  Martha looking at Mary’s stillness became very frustrated with her sister, because she thought her sister should have stopped everything to help her- knowing how busy she was….  I like the next part of the story, because it simply says that Jesus looked at Martha and told her that she was busy doing things that held no eternal meaning, but that Mary was doing what was meaningful in that moment.

Today I feel like Martha, busy doing things that aren’t meaningful.  I love my job, I do.  But is it meaningful?  I love  those I serve with, but is the work we’re doing meaningful?  I love the kids I teach during the week, but is it meaningful?  I rather be like Mary still and feeding my soul- than to be like Martha, do the most when it isn’t necessary.  I believe that when we live life in purpose, all of the trials of life become worth it.  We find ourselves satisfied in where we are.  We find contentment in purpose.  So this evening, I implore you to examine your life and how you are living it?  Are you busy?  If so, busy doing what?  Is what you are doing meaningful?

Have a great evening and we’ll talk soon!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Featured Image Credit: https://www.lds.org/bc/content/shared/content/images/gospel-library/magazine/en07jun41a_rane.jpg

You Don’t Have To Beat Me To Love Me

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

In honor of today’s effort in raising awareness for Domestic Violence, I thought I would discuss a few things that are very important in the prevention of new tragic instances.

Ladies and Gentlemen (because we have some abusive women too), I thought I would tell you something very important.  YOU ARE VALUABLE.  You are not worthless, you are not a doormat to be walked all over upon and you were never created to be mistreated and abused.  You was not created to be control by another, nor was your free will designed to be stripped from you.  You as not designed to be trapped- you was created to be loved, cherished and treasured.

IF ANYONE comes into your life and treats you otherwise: THAT IS A RED FLAG.  DO NOT settle/tolerate for the verbal abuse. DO NOT settle/tolerate being alienated from your family/friends. DO NOT settle/tolerate being controlled.  YOU are NO MAN/WOMAN‘s dog, possession or toy- YOU ARE SPECIAL AND SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH.  

I DON’T CARE HOW BIG HE OR SHE IS ….DON’T ACCEPT MISTREATMENT.

God made you in HIS image!!! You were designed in HIS beauty and should be treasured as such.  I was in a verbally abusive relationships and tolerated it because of my own insecurities and lack of identity- but once I can into myself, I realized that I had no need to be treated disrespectfully.  I did not deserve to be pushed around.  I did not deserve to be cheated on .  I did not deserve to be cussed out and called everything but a child of God.  GOD DOES NOT BEAT ME, SO WHY SHOULD I ALLOW A MAN TO BEAT ME? If a man is supposed to treat me as God does- why would I allow him to manipulate me? to play with my heart?  to lie and cheat me? WHY?  I’M BETTER THAN THAT and SO ARE YOU!!!!

YOU DON”T HAVE TO BEAT ME TO LOVE ME.

Period.

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Check out a poem I wrote about the aftermath of my friend witnessing mother being abused by his dad. : https://authenticlove789.com/2014/09/23/wish-i-had-known/

Featured Image Credit : http://www.thecommentator.com/system/articles/inner_pictures/000/005/408/original/Domestic-Violence-Victim.jpg?1418200800

IN-TE-GRI-TY

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

I just got home from work and today was…let’s just say interesting.  You know what I hate the most? Doing business of any kind with individuals who lack integrity.  Integrity is so important to me, it’s like the foundation of how I operate in the business world because I know what it’s like to have so many people be dishonest with me.  I value make decisions where it concerns business and money upon the character of the individual involved with me. Integrity.

What is integrity? And why is it so important to me?

Integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.

Integrity is important because in my eyes, if a person lacks integrity they lack the will to be of any good to the society they wish to influence.  A person that has no integrity cannot benefit the company or team by which they are apart of, in fact they cause the opposite :distrust and division.  A person without integrity is selfish, making decisions in deceitful practices that only benefit their own person.  Selfishness, dishonesty, and plain lack of morality produces nothing good into the environment around them.  An person lacking integrity leaves a bad taste in my mouth and causes distrust for the future.  That’s how high I have placed integrity as a valuable quality in an individual.

In today’s society, everybody is all about themselves.  What can I do to make it big? What can I do to get what I want out into the hands and hearts of individuals? Who can I manipulate to do what I want them to do?  It’s so easy to fall  into this “me-me” way of thinking, but as an individual who wants to see good in the world- it’s not supposed to be about you, but those around you.

As a Christian, one who follows Christ- I value integrity and honesty as one would value the quality of clear air and drinking water.  Integrity is very important and I live my life the best I can in a honest manner.  I tell the truth, I pay my taxes, I don’t steal, and I enjoy my life lived honestly.  Those in leadership or in positions where integrity is very important (police officers, attorneys, those in courthouse- judges, etc.) have an extra responsibility to walk in integrity – because their actions affect society around them.. As an aspiring attorney, when I see these individuals handle business opposite in honesty, I become greatly disappointed in them as a leader and more importantly as an individual.

Friends, you are receiving this message based on the aftermath of me experiencing this disappointment in my colleagues.  Integrity is very important, because just like that my perception changed of the those around me and what was deemed good has now been tainted my the stain of dishonesty.

God is truthful, so walk in truth. 

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

“He who walks in Integrity, walks securely” Proverbs 10:9

Featured Image Credit: http://www.apexleadershipcoaching.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/Being-a-Person-of-Integrity.jpg

Dating a Preacher’s Kid

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

i thought I would take some time to introduce myself to some of you guys that don’t really know me well.  Let’s see….I’m a licensed minister and I am a pastor’s daughter, both my mom and dad work as pastors in the ministry.  People are always asking, how does being in leadership and being a pk affect your dating life?  Well, the effect is great.  The “code of conduct” if you will is a list of particular rules that is used to reflect the old-fashioned model of modesty.  It’s like dating in my grandmother’s way (which is not a bad thing), it’s just that sometimes it’s hard to find guys who would submit to these rules. For example, if a guy plans on dating me- he has to speak to both of my parents, come to the door to pick me up and we must have a chaperon on the date( like an accountability partner).  These rules don’t bother me but they seem to be a problem for the guys who are interested in me.  It’s like, they are super excited to be with me but because of all the hard work- they give up and decide that they would rather pursue someone else.  So what should a girl do?  Should I go behind my parent’s back and do my own thing?  Should I lower my standards to keep him interested? Or maybe, I should live my life according to these standards and if he leaves that’s on him. Maybe I should understand that I am a girl that is worth working for.

 Maybe I should understand that diamonds are mined and that requires effort, its the same with a guy searching for my heart; it’s going to require effort.

Just maybe, I live life with a mindset that people will come in and out of your life, but those who are supposed to be there will stay.  If you are supposed to be here, you’ll stay! 

This is my dating life as a preacher’s kid, knowing that at the right time- the one who is supposed to love me will come along and he will embrace all of my parents crazy quirks and respect the code of the “first family”, the first family of the church.

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

The Grip of Loneliness ( My Story)

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

Today is “Freedom Friday”, which means I am going to feature a story of freedom for ya’ll.  Today is a little different in that I feature my own story, today I speak of my own freedom!  I thought I would share this story with you all further along in the future but I feel like today is the perfect time to share with you all my story, my heart.  

We all have our struggles, some we have carried with us from childhood– from the time of our youth.  Ever since I could remember, as a child I always felt out of place– like I did not fit into the world around me.  I always felt lonely, unloved and as if I lacked true value.  I had such low self-esteem and would participate in destructive activities to get rid of the pain that I felt on a near daily basis.  This grip of loneliness turned into depression and this cyclical depression formed into suicidal thoughts and ideations.  Unlike some who experience these thoughts and feelings, I grew up in church.  I grew up hearing on a regular basis that Jesus loved me, but I never truly believed that He did.  I saw God as wanting to have nothing to do with me, but rather just merely tolerating me.  I trusted no one.  I didn’t even trust my parents and I began to isolate myself into my destructive thoughts, allowing myself to experience a deeper level of torment everyday.

 Every day, I would think “You are invisible, no one wants you so no one would miss you if you were gone!”  or “What are you living for, you’re worthless so why not die?”  I could feel  the grip loneliness like a boa constrictor slowly squeezing around me, as if in any moment I wouldn’t be able to breathe and just die.  

Like a cold that just would not go away, I could feel cyclical depression following me.  It wouldn’t leave my side.  When I woke up, it rose with me.  When I lied down to go to bed, it would invade my sleep and my dreams.  It was bound to me and there was nothing I could do.  

Again, I would go to church and hear the preacher talk about God’s love setting us free but I wouldn’t believe it, how could an all perfect God love a messed up person like me?  His perfection, in my thinking, hindered His love for me.  I couldn’t believe in a message that was so simple.  All my life, I felt like I had to earn love.  I had to do something for someone to love me.  I had to be perfect, or be kind, or be the best person possible to have love reciprocated to me- so for me to have to do nothing seemed like it wasn’t genuine, this love couldn’t be real.  

I remember sitting by my bedside, praying to God but not believing that He heard me.  I said “God if you are listening, take the pain away- make my life worth living!”  I got up off of my knees and began to cry because I thought that the hopelessness I was in was my destination for an eternity.  My relationship with God was so shallow and I did not have the courage at the time to be honest with Him concerning anything.  I didn’t trust people so I definitely didn’t trust God.  I didn’t trust that He could make my heart whole, or that He could take away my feelings of loneliness, worthlessness and insignificance.  I didn’t trust in His power or in His love. 

I sat in my room floor, crying my eyes out about my life when I heard His still small voice whisper to me in my pit...”I still love you!” He said. “Even though you have a hard time believing in Me, and you have so many doubts, I still love you.” God spoke to my heart “I’m in this for the long haul, My love lasts forever.”  Immediately, I knew I had a moment with God and I yearned for more moments such as the one I experienced.  I learned that hearing God’s word but not believing it does nothing for one’s soul.  Jesus says in Matthew 28:20 “And Lo, I am with you always, even until the end of the world”  According to the Word, I was never alone but I had to believe that for it to take effect.  John 3:16 says.”For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten son; that whosoever believeth in Him shall not perish but have everlasting life” .  God loved me so much that He gave His most prized possession, His Son, to die for my sin.  He loved me so much that He created a way for me to have an intimate relationship with Him.  I had to believe that, I had to.

For years, I struggled with the grip of loneliness- but now as I sit and write to you, I can honestly say that I am free.  

I am free from the feelings of needing someone to be in my life.  I am free from the suicidal thoughts.  I am free from the cyclic depression.  I am free from thoughts of worthlessness and insignificance.  I am free.

 I know now in my heart of hearts that I am deeply loved by the Lover of my Soul, and nothing can change that.  I know now in my heart of hearts that I mean something to God and that my life is precious/valuable.  I know now in my heart of hearts, who I am and how special I am to God.

 I am free from the struggles of my past, from the torments of my childhood and I can move on in my life.  I am free to trust myself, my friends and my family.  I am free to trust my judgement and to open my heart again to love.  I am free to love.  While I was hurting, I closed myself off- I couldn’t love. I couldn’t trust.  Now that I am whole, I am free to trust and to love and to think highly of my value here on the earth.  God loves me and He has never stopped loving me, even when I was in the “pit” and couldn’t see my way out, He still loved me.  I am free!  

So if you suffer from the things I mentioned in today’s post and you can identify with me, I want to let you know that you can be free too!  You can be free!  You can be free to love, trust, smile, be happy again. You can be free from the thoughts of suicide and the torments of loneliness. You can be free!  I can’t make you free, but I know someone who can and He has done wonders for me.  I want to introduce you to the Lover of my soul, Yeshua aka Jesus, He has all the power to set you free with His love.  His love will set you free! 

If you ever need to talk, please email/ message me!  i’m always here and I love you all– Happy Freedom Friday!

Until next time, 

Mo ❤