DeActivated

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

There is nothing more exhausting than living a life of comparison. Nothing. I didn’t realize how much of a comparison-driven life I was living until I saw how much time I consumed reflecting on the adventures of others through social media. To be connected to so many, yet to feel so alone is a travesty within itself.

I think this is the trap of the enemy to get us into this mindset of comparing our realities to others’ highlight reel. I mean the snare to compare is so stealthy, you’ll think your life is great until a late night scrolling sesh on insta and all of sudden you’re looking through your life with regret. Crazy to think that something that is supposed to unite us can be the very thing that tears us apart. So last night, I deactivated and logged out of my social media accounts, just to take a temporary break. I didn’t realize how much time I spent scrolling until I took away that option. Ladies and gents, I was in the middle of the comparison trap and I had to tackle that head on.

To say we are immune to comparison would be a complete lie, especially since we live in a world that positions us to compare ourselves one to another. We are indoctrinated in a culture that causes us to readily check our lives against the lives of our peers. We measure our successes, failures and even our worth to the words and opinions of others. Loves, sometimes the Father will ask us to disconnect so that we can come face to face to the truth of what He’s spoken about us. He removes the distractions so that we can be real about our desires and our discontentment with life. It’s not until we’re reminded of the truth of what God’s spoken that we can combat the snare to compare.

So, friends I encourage you to take the time that you need. If that means, getting off of social media for a period of time or so, and becoming present with those around you or even deactivating for a while- do what you must to thrive as a son or daughter!

I love you guys and I can’t wait to speak with you all soon!

Xoxo,

Simone

FIC: https://encrypted-tbn0.gstatic.com/images?q=tbn:ANd9GcTNnr7bU3b_aEiTk7UA3tnYroHYaiIrl_EE3oib4Rt6mjdf5qB_aQ

Alone

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

Have you ever been surrounded by a crowd of people yet felt so alone? Like you didn’t fit?  Have you ever been in the company of those you love and still felt alone?  What about a best friend, yet alone? Being alone is no joke and depressing and this is the feeling that encompasses me tonight.  I feel like I am so alone, like I am talking to the air when I speak to others.  I stopped talking, I literally stopped sharing my heart with others because it’s not like they can see me: really see.  It’s crazy how you can wake up sad and try to make things better and by 9 o’clock that evening, you’re once again sad- wanting joy more than anything.  I prayed, guys I prayed so hard….and it was as if my prayers hit the ceiling.  I keep telling myself, “Simone you’re gonna get through this!  You’re gonna make it” and while  I say these words I feel myself drowning in sadness. Bound to the unspoken sentiments in my heart, and when I try to share what’s inside – what I have to say is rarely regarded.  What’s the point of talking about how you’re feeling, if you can’t trust those you talk to?  It’s crazy- I’m surrounded by people who are filled by the Holy Spirit and can “hear” from God, but  I guess it’s only selective hearing.

Maybe no one can hear my heart crying out for something more.  Maybe no one can see my tears as they fall to the ground.  It’s like I’m in the world, merely existing and not truly living… I can’t continue to live this way.

It’s times like these that I’m reminded that I’m human, in need of more grace and mercy.  I need Jesus more than I’ve ever needed Him before.  I feel so broken, so raw and so unsteady. I bet if someone blew on me, I would just fall apart- I need Him family….

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Featured Image Credit: http://love.catchsmile.com/wp-content/uploads/Alone-145.jpg

Dear Ten Year Old Self

Dear Ten-Year Old Self,

I decided to write you a letter.  It’s been awhile since we have spoken- I’ve been extremely busy.  You know, I’m in my twenties now.  I guess you can say that not much has changed since we last spoken.  I’m a little bit taller, a few shades darker- but my hopes and dreams are the same.  My love for life is the same, my desire to laugh every moment I’m breathing is the same and my affinity for music is also the same.  I remember when you used to look in the mirror, and breathe just to keep your heart calm.  I still do that, when I’m anxious- I sit in front of the mirror and take deep breaths  * breathe in * * breathe out*.  I  remember you looking at life filled with love.  You used to look at you parents and say “One day, I’m going to have what they have.”  You just knew that someone was going to love you.  You just knew….  I remember when you would pray to God for your love.  You wanted someone to love you, to make you laugh and someone to cook for you because you always said “Why cook when someone can cook for me?”,  You wanted a love that was lively as you were.  I remember you loving with all of your heart and expecting only good to come back to you. I remember you being happy, very happy,,,, 

Well, then you grew up and realized that life is not what you thought it was.  You realized that life was not a fairy-tale, there is no happily ever afters.  You began to see that the love you would give others would not be reciprocated back to you. It’ll never be reciprocated… You’ll be used, abused and mistreated.  You’ll be neglected and cast aside,  You smile would be stolen from you and your wish to be loved left unanswered.  The light you saw in the world would darken and rejection clouded your vision.

 You became the girl, no one wanted to love.  You became the girl. no one wanted to fight for,  You became the girl, no one wanted to pursue and then you felt yourself falling back into that cocoon.  The place where you sought to keep yourself safe because if you acted like you didn’t care- no one could hurt you.  No one could get under your skin, you was untouchable.

So yes… honey, you grew up and you realized that some are blessed to be loved and some never get the privilege.  Those who can’t, teach because what they desire so much is restricted by God.  He stood and closed His hand- love was not given.  It was not given to you and it was in that moment that you realized that like most dreamers- maybe…just maybe,  you was created to be alone.

Those who can’t have, learn to always let go…

-M