Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-
Have you ever been surrounded by a crowd of people yet felt so alone? Like you didn’t fit? Have you ever been in the company of those you love and still felt alone? What about a best friend, yet alone? Being alone is no joke and depressing and this is the feeling that encompasses me tonight. I feel like I am so alone, like I am talking to the air when I speak to others. I stopped talking, I literally stopped sharing my heart with others because it’s not like they can see me: really see. It’s crazy how you can wake up sad and try to make things better and by 9 o’clock that evening, you’re once again sad- wanting joy more than anything. I prayed, guys I prayed so hard….and it was as if my prayers hit the ceiling. I keep telling myself, “Simone you’re gonna get through this! You’re gonna make it” and while I say these words I feel myself drowning in sadness. Bound to the unspoken sentiments in my heart, and when I try to share what’s inside – what I have to say is rarely regarded. What’s the point of talking about how you’re feeling, if you can’t trust those you talk to? It’s crazy- I’m surrounded by people who are filled by the Holy Spirit and can “hear” from God, but I guess it’s only selective hearing.
Maybe no one can hear my heart crying out for something more. Maybe no one can see my tears as they fall to the ground. It’s like I’m in the world, merely existing and not truly living… I can’t continue to live this way.
It’s times like these that I’m reminded that I’m human, in need of more grace and mercy. I need Jesus more than I’ve ever needed Him before. I feel so broken, so raw and so unsteady. I bet if someone blew on me, I would just fall apart- I need Him family….
Until next time,
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