Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers-
Happy Friday! I would have written earlier but the way my week has been set up… all I can say is that the devil is defeated, God is exalted and honey – I GOT THE VICTORY!!! The test that came at the beginning of this week? Almost took me out! But loves, your girl passed the test! It’s crazy how hell can come full force on Monday and victory can greet you on a Friday morning. Jesus is so intentional and good in that way. Anyways… I thought I would share one of the beautiful lessons I learned this week. Loves, allow your past to rest in peace forever.
What?!?! Yep, I said what I said. LEAVE YOUR PAST IN THE GRAVE!!!!!! I cannot write this enough. I’m learning that every time I am called by God to a new level in life, my past “coincidentally” want to make a reappearance in my life. It’s like clockwork. People I haven’t spoken to in years, “conveniently” desire to reach out. Individuals who held some sort of position in my heart decide that they would like to make a return; and what was dead decides to spring back to life. EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Friends, as you know I left a relationship over a year ago. God killed my relationship for multiple reasons. My relationship was good but it wasn’t great. I knew that I wasn’t going to marry the guy and to continue in the relationship would’ve been a complete waste of time. So ladies and gents, I took every ounce of courage I had and with the help of the Father- I broke up with the love of my life. Yep, your girl had the hard conversation and left what I thought was my forever. For the past year and some change, I’ve been enjoying this adventure of singleness; I’ve been finding myself and learning to love me with nothing added (aka a man). Well, a lot has changed in a year. I graduated from law school, took the bar exam, and I’m transitioning to a new city for a career opportunity. So being sent from hell, this joker wants to make a reappearance. Yep, the man that told me that I wouldn’t find what I wanted in a partner, that everyone could not be as perfect as me, decided to “conveniently” show up.
Imagine my face, when I picked up a phone call to find his voice on the line. It was a classic: WHAT THE —–? Yep, saints, I swore. I did. I was so confused that I almost didn’t even know what to say. I stared at the phone and thought to myself: “Girl, how are you going to finesse your way out of this one?” My heart responded to his voice. History and sweet nothings will remind you of a love you once shared. Like an old blanket, full of comfort and nostalgia, all the memories of us filled my mind. Some of you may be saying: “Sis, that’s true love!” FALSE- THAT’S A SOUL TIE. A neglected little thing, that I may have overlooked in the cutting process. I said hello, and asked what he wanted. He responded with a classic lie: “I missed you.” I would miss me too, I mean your girl is out here living her best life looking like a whole meal. I said “Ok.” Like what am I supposed to do about that? That seems like a personal problem to me. He kept going, “I just wanted to talk to you. I made a huge mistake. You’re the one for me. I need you in my life. I want to marry you.” My jaw dropped because for years I wanted to marry this man. Can you imagine thinking that 3 years in is the time, then year five comes and no proposal, and finally, your relationship is over by year seven. Instantly my past started contending with my future. All of my fears started to speak at the same time: my fear of starting over with someone new, my fear of getting in the game and facing rejection and then this one fear of never meeting someone who would “get me” like my ex. I had a choice to make.
I gathered all of the courage I had and simply said: “I’m good. Thank you for calling and for sharing your heart with me but I’m not interested. I think you deserve to be with someone who makes you happy and though we made each other happy once upon a time, that is not the case anymore. I wish you the best and overall, you’re not the best for me.” This, of course, wasn’t good enough for him because then he decided to remind me of the dreams we had together. He reminded me of the businesses we were going to own, the home we were going to build, and the son we would raise. Lovelies, I remembered those dreams. Once upon a time, I prayed over those dreams, I fasted over those dreams. Heck, I even journaled about those dreams but that was then and this is now. Those dreams died when the relationship did. I took a deep breath and once again stated my heart: we could NEVER be together again.
Dr. Matthew Stevenson preached a sermon a few years ago and he said a profound line, “To return to the past is to dishonor the future.” This saying has become my lifeline. It’s easy to return to the past. Our past is familiar, consistently toxic and maybe even comforting within its dysfunction but it requires no courage. It takes courage to go after something or someone new. It takes guts to try again, to develop a new pattern and to solidify a new path. I don’t want to live life stuck because of my comfort. I want to experience the goodness of God because I was brave enough to leave the past behind. Plus, if I return to my past I can miss out on what God promised me: the future. I don’t want to dishonor my future, holding on to someone who lacks the capacity to carry all that God has placed within me. We must honor our future by abandoning our past!
So, friends, if I could encourage you with anything, I would encourage you to leave your past dead. Don’t return to what you’ve left behind. You’re worthy of your future!