Posted on by Simone

He Think He Slick…

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

Hey y’all!  Today has been a great day, filled with peace and relaxation, but today as I was checking out the profiles of some of the those that follow me on Tumblr- I became upset by one of the pages I saw.  This person’s page looked like it was a Christian page, with a scripture here or there- but the images that came up were explicit perverse images.  I was HEATED  because as someone who was delivered from perversion, I hate it when I am surprised by perverse things.  I choose not to watch explicit scenes, I choose not to use bad language, I’ve changed and therefore I don’t invite perversion into my atmosphere or into my life.  As an individual on the road of purity; in my mind, actions and soul- I go to extremes to maintain my lifestyle in pursuit of pleasing God with my life.  SO I WAS HIGHLY HEATED…when my eyes saw some things that it shouldn’t have, HIGHLY HEATED….

But I think, I was more upset that this person pretended to be something that they weren’t.  They had this facade of purity but their blog didn’t reflect the mask that they wore.  I hate it when people pretend.  If you are dealing with perverse thoughts and you like to have sex and watch porn- then just admit it!  Don’t lie about it and pretend to be something that isn’t true.  I rather someone flat out tell me that they are bound to sin than to lie to me and that they aren’t.  That’s just me. When I was struggling with porn- I came out and told the truth and this honesty produced freedom in my life.

But you know what the Enemy think he slick… that after I ran into my accidental discovery that I was going to revert back to my past lifestyle.  That I was going to yearn and desire pornography.  That I was going to voluntarily make my bed in hell, but he’s stupid because I’m NEVER going back!!!! NEVER!!!!

I’ve made up in my mind that I was no longer living in a mindset of sneaking around, doing things that I wasn’t supposed to do because of some temporary thrill of pleasure.  A pleasure that left me empty, guilty and seeking to end my life.  I’m NEVER going back and right now y’all I am so mad at the enemy, I can’t stand his guts.

You know fam, he comes to steal, kill and destroy.  He comes to trick you back in to bondage and to throw away the key, but I am so happy that greater is He that is in me, than he that is in the world.  God is greater, He is bigger, He is more powerful than sin and the Enemy.  HE IS!!! 

Well…. I guess my rant is over, thought I would share my raw thoughts with you and I wanted to encourage you to be real.  I don’t care if you believe in God or if you don’t. I don’t care if you know “Christian” language or if you don’t.  I don’t care if you are church-ed or unchurch-ed.  All I care about is your authenticity, the realness of your soul.  So if you say you are a person of faith, be a person of faith.  If you say you love God, then love God. If say you live for Him, then live for Him.

Don’t pretend. Don’t make things up.  Don’t lie.  Be real!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

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Posted on by Simone

Dead Man Walking

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

Yesterday I posted one of the most depressing article known to man.  I felt dead on the inside, numb and just plain exhausted.   Have you ever been in a place emotionally where it seemed like to feel was the worst option ever?  Like it hurts to feel?  I was in that place, a dead man walking and just going through the motions because I had to- never really expressing the deep hurt that was in my heart.  I was so angry with God, angry that my life wasn’t turning out the way I imagined, angry that I kept experiencing hurt from those I have given love to  and angry that no one could see that I was dead- a dead man walking.  I was just plain angry; sitting in  a church that was telling me to hope and believe, that God understood how I was feeling, that everything was going to work out.  As I sat in the church, I became more angry…I became so infuriated that I refused to worship.  I refused to pray or praise or give thanks- I did not want to be connected to God.  I did not want to have anything to do with Him.  Like a professional, I slowly disconnected my spirit from Him- I was committing suicide, I wanted to die. 

It’s crazy how in our dark times, we realize what we are made of.  It’s in the moments of hopelessness that we understand the gift of hope, in sorrow we understand joy and in chaos we understand the importance of peace.  It’s not until we are dead in our spirits that we seek to live more than ever before.  I wanted to heal but was broken so bad, I didn’t think I could be whole.  I wanted to live but I thought I was too far gone for a resurrection.  I wanted to be happy but I made sadness apart of my daily routine, the coat that shielded me from the world,  I wanted nothing to do with God but He wanted everything to do with me…

Out of His love and compassion, He came by my side and poured His love on me.  He helped me to let go of all the hurt , He touched my heart and He loved me.   He made me come alive!

I realized yesterday that I don’t want to pretend in life.  I don’t want to say I’m okay when I’m not, I don’t want to smile when I’m crying on the inside.  I’m tired of battling things behind closed doors, the demons of loneliness and rejection that comes to kill me and muffle my voice. So yesterday, I didn’t wear the mask of the “have- it-all-together” church girl, I was honest and I became free,  True freedom comes through honesty. Keep your eyes open because they may be some around you who are dead men walking…

Until next time,

Mo 🙂