On The Run

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers- 

If we’re honest, I’ve been in this amazing yet crazy place with God.  For the past few months, I’ve felt like David on the run, hiding in caves, seeking safety/shelter.  Can you imagine, you’re living what you deem to be your best life when transition hits?  What you thought was safe isn’t anymore?  Can you imagine being in an environment that once upon a time brought such life and now it has filled your heart with pain?  It’s crazy how sometimes the same voices that affirm your identity can tear it down.  The same environments that bring comfort can hurt your soul.  It makes you feel mad even, like oh my freaking God am I losing my mind?  That my dear friends have been my life since February- I’ve been on the run.

I’ve been serving through pain, encouraging through heartbreak, giving in the midst of lack.  I’ve been used up and forsaken, discarded because of brokenness and I’m finally finding my way back “home.”  My discernment has sharpened, my weaponry has increased and I’ve learned to fight in the midst of fear.  Ladies and gents, it’s the curse of the gifted.  People like me who are full of life and love, we’re targets for the insecure, the immature and those who lack compassion for the world.  The more I watch the lives of my creative/gifted friends, those of us born to rule and conquer- we seem to all have the same story:  a story of being on the run, seeking self-preservation, finding God in the midst of the darkness, finding healing in the midst of our pain.  We’re little Davids out here checking over our shoulder, knowing that at any moment our enemies can find and abuse us- we seek safety for our souls.   But, there’s good news.  One day, the season of the cave ceases and before you know it, we are strong enough to return home to sit on the throne that was anointed, waiting on us.

I’m returning home.  I sense this freedom around me to stop hiding. I’ve healed and now I’m whole enough to step into what’s next for me.  My next is a job in Atlanta, GA.  I’m moving to a new city, ready to experience new things but first I had to experience the cave.  I had to learn to war, how to become shrewd, how to band people together to heal.  I had to gain community, learn the intentions of those around me, I had to start again.  I had to embrace my vulnerability, honor during hard circumstances, learn the art of forgiveness.  I had to experience the cave.  In the cave, I learned that He was my safety, my shelter.  In the cave, I learned to keep my eyes open.  In the cave, I learned how to be honest and how to confront hard things.  I needed the cave to mature, to do the hard work, to grow.

Typically, we grow hidden underneath the soil.  We mature in the obscurity. We develop in the dark.  Caves are dark but are amazing spaces to be hidden, to grow.  Growing up, I felt bad for David.  Can you imagine knowing you’re king but living in a cave?  Like, why God would you give a promise only to allow his life to be filled with affliction?  But, now I understand that David needed his process to become the great King Israel needed.  He needed the tactical warfare skills of the cave.  Every place of darkness is used by the Lord to bring clarity and the more we run towards His light, he teaches that even the bad things are used for our good.

Family, you might be in a cave (mentally, spiritually and emotionally) trying to figure out if it’s safe to return “home”- but know that God is with you in the cave.  He is right there, holding your hand, keeping you safe.  He is your shelter, your fortress, your hiding place. Also, be rest assured, you won’t be on the run forever.  One day, it’ll be time to return to your rightful place:  you’ll be safe, you’ll be home.  Seasons change, life evolves but your Father remains the same and He loves you even now.  That’s the truth I had to remind myself every day: He loves me in my weakness, he cares about me in my brokenness and when I don’t know if it’s safe to show my heart- HE WILL KEEP ME SAFE!

Love you guys and I’m lifting yall up tonight!

Xoxo,

Simone

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Scripture reference: 1 Samuel 24

The Process

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

It’s Thursday! We are one step closer to the weekend and I could not be more excited.  I was talking to a friend of mine about my feelings concerning law school, and I explained to him that I truly desire to be a lawyer- it’s just that the process of becoming one is taking a toll on me.

So… I was thinking, how many of us give up on our dreams because of the process it takes to gain them? 

Whoa… that was a profound question, right?  I know.  This was the question that came to me when I contemplated quitting law school, as I contemplated forfeiting my dream.  Don’t get me wrong, sometimes we need to let things go: we need to walk away to grow as individuals.  However, what about the times we walk away from things because of the process?  Sometimes life becomes tougher than we imagined so we forfeit, we surrender in the middle of the game.  If I am honest with myself, I think of how much it took to get into school.  I remember a period of time when not one law school wanted me.  I remember the rejection letters coming  into my mailbox and I remember feeling like law school was never going to happen.  I remember those days….  So why would I give this dream, that I worked hard for – that I sacrificed in blood, sweat and tears for – up? Why would I forfeit what God has placed into my hands?

You know… we as a society do not like pain.  At the mention of pain or suffering, we become uncomfortable. Pain is bad, comfort is good!  However, what if I told you that being comfortable does not equate growth.  What if I told you that in actuality, comfortability can be one of the worse things for growing strong?  Hmm… how so? Well, think about it!  If I fell and broke my ankle but did not feel the pain, how would I know that I needed my ankle to heal?  Or if I wore clothes that were too small for me but never felt the discomfort of this clothing, how would I know that I needed new clothes.  It’s okay to feel pain, it’s okay to feel discomfort- to be faced with adversity because at the end of the day, adversity reveals how strong we truly are.  Adversity shapes our growth and all of these life lessons are learned during that process.

Ladies and gents…

Let us not become bogged down in the process of becoming who God has created us to be.

Let us not allow the hard times to propel us to give up what God has placed into our hands- let us continue to move forward!

“And let us not be weary in well doing: for in due season we shall reap, if we faint not.”

-Galatians 6:9.

One day, we are going to get what God has promised us.  One day, we are going to find ourselves operating in our dreams, walking in manifestation of our ideas, listening to our music, reading our books and we are going to find ourselves witnessing the faithfulness of God.  Who knows, that one day could be tomorrow if we do not give up!  I just want to encourage you all to stay at the grind, keep working toward God has placed within your heart.  You can do this!!! If you were unable to fulfill your dream, God would have never given it to you. He believes in you, so believe in yourself and survive the process!

Until next time,

Simone

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Bold And Confident

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

There is something beautiful about someone being confident in their own skin.  There is beauty in confidence, and as someone who grew up with so many insecurities- I always sought to get to that place, where I felt completely confident within my own skin.  I can proudly say that I have come to that place- a place of boldness and confidence.  It’s funny how people react differently to boldness and confidence.  Sometimes personal growth is applauded but other times, it’s frowned upon and labeled as arrogance and conceit.  Being confident does not make me an arrogant person, and just because I know what I want in life does not make me aggressive.  I think women especially gets this bad rap for loving themselves and living a life void of insecurity- but I rather live in confidence than insecurity.  I rather be content than to be empty always searching for something or someone to fill a void within me.  I am bold and confident and my life lines up to the will of God because His children are supposed to be bold as lions…simply fearless.

I’ve lived almost a quarter of my life in fear and insecurity and I refuse to live another day in that mindset- I choose to be bold and confident! 

AND….I don’t care who don’t like my new attitude!  It’s my life and I’m not apologizing for living in the perfect will of God.  

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

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Lesson Learned

what’s the point of being hurt

if you gain nothing from it

I learned that pain can be used

to fuel healing to a lowly spirit

what’s the point of making mistakes

if you repeat them over and over again

I learned that in over to move forward

I had to live different, my friend

a lesson learned is a well learned lesson

a phrase my mom would say

I didn’t understand these word’s significance

until I crossed a similar path one day

I opened my heart and surrendered

to one who thought I was a fool

who would know that this heartbreak

would be my inner “me” greatest tool

I cried until I grew

I sobbed until I became strong

I knew that if I kept on striving

It wouldn’t be long

long before I move on

long before I overcome

the lesson that I learned

made me victorious, darling I won

(c) Simone Holloway, 2015

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Isolation Kills

Hello Authentic Lovers!

I didn’t plan on writing today, especially as we near the holidays and some of you all will be surrounded by family- making you too busy to read.  I understand the hustle and bustle of the season, trust me I do…but as I was sitting reading my Word for the day, I felt led to share these thoughts with you.

For those without family or friends, the holidays can suck!  Some of you may find yourselves all alone during this season and from experience I can tell you that isolation breeds depression.  I struggled with depression for 14 years…battling the sane demon that would drag me down through isolation.  Being alone is not a bad thing but living a lifestyle where you are secluded from others can be bad.  We as mankind, were created for community to reflect the community of God.  The bible says that the council of God (Trinity) said, Let Us make man in our image, after our likeness…” So If we were created in the image of God then we were created to live in community, we were never created to live alone.  

So the Enemy knowing that we thrive best in the community of others will lie to us and tell us that we can fix ourselves in isolation.  This isolation includes but is not limited to: disconnecting from family, cutting ties with social groups, not having friends, not having a church community, allowing unforgiveness and bitterness to keep us from speaking to others, and then lying to ourselves with the phrase “I don’t need anyone, I can live life with just me…”  Yes, you can live alone but you cannot thrive alone.  Life without growth is stagnation and if its sitting still, then its dying.

I read this verse and I thought about how Jesus being God Himself, still thrived in the midst of His connection with the Father and Holy Spirit.  “I can of mine own self do nothing: as I hear, I judge and my judgment is just; because I seek not mine won will, but the will of the Father which sent me” ( John 5:30) Just like Christ needs His community to thrive and to make a difference, we need our community to thrive- we need each other to grow.

Don’t isolate yourself this holiday season.  Don’t just survive- choose to thrive!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

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My Passionate Love

Hello Authentic Lovers!

I hope each and every one of you had a great Thanksgiving holiday.  As you already know, mine started off awkward but it slowly got better as the ice was broken and the family began to enjoy one another.  I value family in the same way I value my faith, it’s everything to me.  My faith and family is everything to me.

I was talking to God this morning ( some call this prayer, I call it a morning chat 😉 ), anyways…we were talking and I realized how much I have changed other the last few weeks.  Don’t get me wrong, I’ve always loved God.  The fact of the matter is, my love was stunted over the years.  It was like I reached a peak in my love towards Him and then my love began to plateau….  I hate it when it seems like things are not growing, like I’m not growing..especially in my love for Him.  So lately my prayer has been to grow in my love for God; I want to be passionately, head-over-heels in love with Him.  There is something about being passionately in love, this type of love takes your breath away and you enjoy every moment spent with that person.  This is the love I wanted renewed in my love relationship with God.  Sometimes when we are in relationships with people, our love changes and what once was exciting become mundane, we lose the essence of being passionate about one another- passionately in love.  Some of us become Christians and we take this mundane love into our relationship with God, we lose our passion.

 I don’t want to ever lose my passion, my passion for Him.  I want my heart to always be lit with the fire of His Spirit, with the compassion of His Son.  I want my love to be passionate towards Him.

I come to realize friends that God’s love is passionate towards me and as we dance together in this love affair, I find my self falling more and more in love with Him.  He is passionate towards me, so I seek to be passionate concerning Him.  He is my Passionate Love.  If you would like to experience this love, you can.  God is not choosy when it comes to love, He loves everyone with as much passion and grace.  He desires to love you in this way…get to know Him and He’ll take time to know you.  He’ll love you for all of eternity- passionately

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

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There’s No Need…

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

Today, I was talking to my bestie “E” when the Holy Ghost began to remind me of how far I have grown in my love relationship with Him.  You’ll be surprised how much you’ve changed when you actually sit down and think about your life.  I was really surprised at how far I have come out of the lands of people-pleasing and insecurities, into a place of security and assurance in who I am.  I used to need people’s approval of my actions and lifestyle. I used to need people’s validation of my accomplishments to feel like I actually achieved something in life.  I used to need to be celebrated by certain people to feel important, cherished, valued and loved.  What the Holy Spirit helped me realize is that I don’t have that need anymore.  I don’t need people to be my best me, nor do I need people to dream or to validate me.  There is no need for certain individuals to be in my life, nor is there a need for certain opinions to live my life.  There’s no need…

Once I became complete in Christ, I made up my mind that I was going to live life the way God wanted me to- whether people agreed with my choices or not.  I made up my mind that I was going to be happy, whether people celebrated me or not.  I decided that I was going to enjoy my accomplishments, whether people saw it fit to validate me or not.  I was going to blog, whether a lot of people followed my blog or not.

I am in a  place in my life where I am going to be the best me that I can be regardless of the opinions of others.  There’s no need for extra validation or extra affirmation, there is really no need...

Friends, If God has approved of your ministry or of  your vision to changing to the world- you don’t need the approval of others. If God has validated you, you don’t need to be validated by anyone else.  If God has affirmed you and He thinks highly of you, it doesn’t matter what anyone else thinks. Period.  Live your life to the fullest, and realize that sometimes there’s no need for certain people to be in your life.  Live your life pleasing unto God and He’ll make your dreams come true.  What can people do?  Can they do more than God?  I don’t think so but hey those are just my thoughts.  I love you guys and I hope you guys have a great evening!!!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂