On The Run

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers- 

If we’re honest, I’ve been in this amazing yet crazy place with God.  For the past few months, I’ve felt like David on the run, hiding in caves, seeking safety/shelter.  Can you imagine, you’re living what you deem to be your best life when transition hits?  What you thought was safe isn’t anymore?  Can you imagine being in an environment that once upon a time brought such life and now it has filled your heart with pain?  It’s crazy how sometimes the same voices that affirm your identity can tear it down.  The same environments that bring comfort can hurt your soul.  It makes you feel mad even, like oh my freaking God am I losing my mind?  That my dear friends have been my life since February- I’ve been on the run.

I’ve been serving through pain, encouraging through heartbreak, giving in the midst of lack.  I’ve been used up and forsaken, discarded because of brokenness and I’m finally finding my way back “home.”  My discernment has sharpened, my weaponry has increased and I’ve learned to fight in the midst of fear.  Ladies and gents, it’s the curse of the gifted.  People like me who are full of life and love, we’re targets for the insecure, the immature and those who lack compassion for the world.  The more I watch the lives of my creative/gifted friends, those of us born to rule and conquer- we seem to all have the same story:  a story of being on the run, seeking self-preservation, finding God in the midst of the darkness, finding healing in the midst of our pain.  We’re little Davids out here checking over our shoulder, knowing that at any moment our enemies can find and abuse us- we seek safety for our souls.   But, there’s good news.  One day, the season of the cave ceases and before you know it, we are strong enough to return home to sit on the throne that was anointed, waiting on us.

I’m returning home.  I sense this freedom around me to stop hiding. I’ve healed and now I’m whole enough to step into what’s next for me.  My next is a job in Atlanta, GA.  I’m moving to a new city, ready to experience new things but first I had to experience the cave.  I had to learn to war, how to become shrewd, how to band people together to heal.  I had to gain community, learn the intentions of those around me, I had to start again.  I had to embrace my vulnerability, honor during hard circumstances, learn the art of forgiveness.  I had to experience the cave.  In the cave, I learned that He was my safety, my shelter.  In the cave, I learned to keep my eyes open.  In the cave, I learned how to be honest and how to confront hard things.  I needed the cave to mature, to do the hard work, to grow.

Typically, we grow hidden underneath the soil.  We mature in the obscurity. We develop in the dark.  Caves are dark but are amazing spaces to be hidden, to grow.  Growing up, I felt bad for David.  Can you imagine knowing you’re king but living in a cave?  Like, why God would you give a promise only to allow his life to be filled with affliction?  But, now I understand that David needed his process to become the great King Israel needed.  He needed the tactical warfare skills of the cave.  Every place of darkness is used by the Lord to bring clarity and the more we run towards His light, he teaches that even the bad things are used for our good.

Family, you might be in a cave (mentally, spiritually and emotionally) trying to figure out if it’s safe to return “home”- but know that God is with you in the cave.  He is right there, holding your hand, keeping you safe.  He is your shelter, your fortress, your hiding place. Also, be rest assured, you won’t be on the run forever.  One day, it’ll be time to return to your rightful place:  you’ll be safe, you’ll be home.  Seasons change, life evolves but your Father remains the same and He loves you even now.  That’s the truth I had to remind myself every day: He loves me in my weakness, he cares about me in my brokenness and when I don’t know if it’s safe to show my heart- HE WILL KEEP ME SAFE!

Love you guys and I’m lifting yall up tonight!

Xoxo,

Simone

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Scripture reference: 1 Samuel 24

Home

I went home today

everything was new

I looked around

the only thing missing, was you.

I went home today

the walls are now green

the smell is still delicious, with fresh bread in the air

things have changed since, I was seventeen .

I went home today,

memories of you hanging on the walls

“rock show” filled the air

as I answered so many calls.

You would think that I was overwhelmed

by everything that suddenly changed

but to be honest the only thing on my mind

was how your absence made everything not the same.

I went home today

everything was new

I looked around…

the only thing missing, was you.

©Simone Holloway, 2015

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Come Home

I was sitting on the floor, interceding for those I love. When felt this strong unction from above- to start a different kind of  prayer.  It’s rare, how on a Friday night, one filled with horror and fright- I am on my knees.  I use my favorite word “please” as I enter into the presence of the Father.  Like none other, He informs me of world current events- things that don’t make sense but are happening now.  I raise my brow, but out of submission target my prayers to this new found news. What was I to do? Simply pretend that I didn’t hear your name, even though it was just in the same category of those I was praying for.  My heart became sad, my nose sore as tears washed down my face.  I wanted to simply erase what I knew.  That it a was you, contemplating suicide on this dreary night too.  I sat on my prayer blanket, afraid to utter your name because then it would become true.  So I prayed for the young man I thought I knew.  I cried harder, hoped farther than I’ve hoped before.  That in the middle of this sore- situation; you would hear my voice.  That maybe you would make the choice to be on the earth with me. And not just to be here, but be free.  I asked that the Father would allow you to hear my spirit talking to yours, as I tried to cease the war between your soul and spirit.  I don’t know if you could hear it, but that still small voice was mine- stretching beyond time, hoping for another chance.  To advance love where there was none.I hoped that your mind wasn’t made up that the action wasn’t done.  I lowered my head and wished to see you where you were, not trying to cause a stir but I wanted to know what to say exactly to you.  After all you’ve been through, a general “suicidal prevention” speech wouldn’t be sufficient. I had to utilize this limited time of being omniscient, to speak directly to your heart.  It was so dark, both what was inside and out.  Light seemed to be blocked by the darkness of doubt, in your mind you thought today was your last day.  I had nothing to say, as I looked at your silhouette- death sat waiting to fulfill its threat.  It looked as if I could have been in your living room, I didn’t know where to stand.  There was a letter on the table and a revolver in your hand. Tears streamed down your face as you thought about what was to come.  Someone had the nerve to say that on the Earth, you was nothing but the scum.  The lies that your ears were tortured to hear, I wish that I could have had you near-me.  I looked at you, not knowing if you saw me.  I had to speak to you, I had to see- if my words would bring you life, the same as yours have brought me. At first I spoke timidly. “Honey, it’s me- if you hear my voice, know you are necessary!” “My love for you goes on for eternity, I need your presence on the Earth to be.” You looked up as if you could hear me say, all the words you wished someone told you today.  Your eyes bore into mine, and you squinted to see if I was real.  Your spirit longed for my spirit to be there, you wanted to heal.  So I took a step further and I continued my speech to you.  I had to say these words as if it was the last thing I do.  “Baby come home, come home to me.”  You said “I can’t! Just let me be. This is the only way out.” I wanted to scream and shout, but instead I simply said: “The only way out is Jesus.  He’s the only way.” “Things will get better, even if it doesn’t look like it today.”  I promised you better days, I even guaranteed my life.  My love for you is so strong, I didn’t have to think about it twice.  “Come Home, come home to me.”  “Come home, come home with the Father so you can be free!.”   You lowered your weapon and dried your eyes, but by that time I was gone- I was no longer a spy.  I don’t know how things ended, what happened the rest of the night.  All I know is that I have a feeling that concerning you, everything is going to be alright.  Don’t blame yourself for my knowing, for me coming to the rescue.  I’m full of love and compassion, I’m still the girl you once knew. I love you.

©Simone Holloway, 2015

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Home

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

On Monday night, I went to see Bethel Music for a worship night in Charlotte.  My life was forever changed by the power of the Holy Spirit infused into their music.  I thoroughly enjoyed every second I was in that auditorium and so I thought I would share one of my favorite songs for you guys.  This is “Home” by Bethel Music featuring Hunter K. Thompson ( P.S. He has the voice of an angel!) Enjoy!!!!!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Featured Image Credit: http://www.northgeorgiachristianfellowship.org/wp-content/uploads/2014/06/8610106438_3416a61ce3_z.jpg

Still Small Voice

I hear you in the depths of my heart

small but strong

still but powerful

truth infused in love

I hear you in the cavities of my mind

gentle yet assertive

lyrical yet blunt

emotions wrapped in passion

the truth becomes vinegar

hard to swallow

yet, I take a huge gulp

realizing that as I hear your words

my life begins to change

you have changed me

like a still, small voice

you lead me home

I once was lost

but I heard your voice

I once was blind

but you became my light

finally, I’m found

finally, I see

I’m free

Thank you for being

my still, small voice

“(c) Simone Holloway, 2014”

Today’s poetry was written from another’s point of view.  We all have people in our lives that have acted as the voice of God when we were in trouble, they were patient and kind enough to journey with us through the hard times.  These great individuals are our still small voices. but when you are dating your still small voice this connection becomes deeper and the love that you share is immensely rewarding.  My dad married his still small voice, my mother, and they have been together for almost 23 years.  Once you find that person that emulates God in your life, hold on to them- because you’ll come to thank them one day.   ❤ Mo

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Return

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

How are you guys doing?  I hope all is well!  I wanted to spend a few minutes of your time, encouraging you.  I wanted to encourage you to return.  “Return to what?” you may be asking.  I want to encourage you to return back to a lifestyle, language, and mindset of faith.  I want to encourage you guys to return back to that place of hope that each and everyone of you all were in.  I get how hard life can be, trust me -I do; but I also know that hope is available and its better to live in hope than to live in doubt.

I lost my way for a second, I got off course but now I’m back and I want to encourage all of you who have given up and thrown in the towel to return with me.

Let’s return to our native environment, one of hope and faith.

Let’s return home!  

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Simba

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

I just finished writing 25 short poems for my friend’s upcoming 25th birthday and had one more poem in me.  So, I thought I would share….

Simba 

Young Prince

Soon to be King

I always loved the Lion King.

Hakuna Matata 

No worries…

The life of a boy who lost his way,

You lost your way…

You and Simba share the same search.

Y’all search for a life of no worries;

A life of peace,

A stress-free life,

But, your kingdom needs you.

You need to take your place,

As the King you are.

So I come like Nala

“Pinned you again”

I remind you of who you are, and

My love brings you home –

Home with me.

Where you are,

I am home…

Simba,

It’s me Nala

I need you home..

❤ Mo

“Copyright, September. 10. 2014, Mo”

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