Goodbye.

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers- 

It’s Tuesday, the weather is frightening and today was one of making hard decisions and letting go.  It’s easy to talk about letting go but sometimes God asks for things that we’ve grown quite attached to.  Sometimes we will give these things up, and sometimes it takes a sacrifice of self for us to release that which is super important to us.

Anything you’re not willing to let go of is an idol- PT, 6for2 Prayer

For me, it was a man.  I loved this man so much so, that I couldn’t imagine my life without him being in it.  God was like, “Oh really? Why don’t we find out?” And for the past six years, I lived life without this man being in my life.  I found out that I didn’t need this person in my life for it to be filled with joy, adventure, and fulfillment.  Without him, I was fulfilled because I found myself in Christ.

It’s hard to admit that you’ve been serving and striving for other things than God, who wants to face the truth that their heart hasn’t been totally devoted to their Savior?  Not too many people.

But, I think honesty is the catalyst for freedom.  It is not until we face the music that we become free!

In order to say hello to the new, we must say goodbye to the old.  This can include but not limited to:  who we thought we were, who we thought we would be with, where we thought we would live, what we sought career-wise, and other things we refuse to release control.

We must say goodbye because at every end is a new beginning.

I wish I could tell you that saying goodbye is easy.  Oh man!  I wish I could assure you that goodbyes won’t produce any tears, but that is simply not the case.  In fact, a hard goodbye may cause you to cry for days but I promise that what’s coming is so much better than what’s been.

Give yourself time to feel, cry, worship, do whatever it takes to heal properly. To pretend that you’re not in pain is not holiness neither is it spiritual, it’s simply foolish and a sure way to remain injured.  Feel, acknowledge what you feel, be honest with yourself and heal.  Give yourself the permission to heal!

Your (God’s) way is not just right, your way is better! – PT, 6for2 Prayer

May you find the courage to say goodbye. 

Xoxo,

Simone 🦁

FIC: https://cdn.tinybuddha.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/07/Woman-Waving-Goodbye.png

 

Dear Ten Year Old Self

Dear Ten-Year Old Self,

I decided to write you a letter.  It’s been awhile since we have spoken- I’ve been extremely busy.  You know, I’m in my twenties now.  I guess you can say that not much has changed since we last spoken.  I’m a little bit taller, a few shades darker- but my hopes and dreams are the same.  My love for life is the same, my desire to laugh every moment I’m breathing is the same and my affinity for music is also the same.  I remember when you used to look in the mirror, and breathe just to keep your heart calm.  I still do that, when I’m anxious- I sit in front of the mirror and take deep breaths  * breathe in * * breathe out*.  I  remember you looking at life filled with love.  You used to look at you parents and say “One day, I’m going to have what they have.”  You just knew that someone was going to love you.  You just knew….  I remember when you would pray to God for your love.  You wanted someone to love you, to make you laugh and someone to cook for you because you always said “Why cook when someone can cook for me?”,  You wanted a love that was lively as you were.  I remember you loving with all of your heart and expecting only good to come back to you. I remember you being happy, very happy,,,, 

Well, then you grew up and realized that life is not what you thought it was.  You realized that life was not a fairy-tale, there is no happily ever afters.  You began to see that the love you would give others would not be reciprocated back to you. It’ll never be reciprocated… You’ll be used, abused and mistreated.  You’ll be neglected and cast aside,  You smile would be stolen from you and your wish to be loved left unanswered.  The light you saw in the world would darken and rejection clouded your vision.

 You became the girl, no one wanted to love.  You became the girl. no one wanted to fight for,  You became the girl, no one wanted to pursue and then you felt yourself falling back into that cocoon.  The place where you sought to keep yourself safe because if you acted like you didn’t care- no one could hurt you.  No one could get under your skin, you was untouchable.

So yes… honey, you grew up and you realized that some are blessed to be loved and some never get the privilege.  Those who can’t, teach because what they desire so much is restricted by God.  He stood and closed His hand- love was not given.  It was not given to you and it was in that moment that you realized that like most dreamers- maybe…just maybe,  you was created to be alone.

Those who can’t have, learn to always let go…

-M

The Need to be Emptied- A Lesson in Letting Go

I always have songs that I gradually fall in love with and this was the case for William Murphy’s song -“Empty Me”.  I listened to the song during Praise and Worship rehearsal but the song did not really resonate with me until I was alone in prayer time the following day. I heard these words in my spirit-

Holy Fire Burn away

My desire for anything

That is not of You and is of me

I want more of you and less of me

The lyrics of this song became my prayer for the day and my spirit yearned to be emptied.  To be empty was no longer a desire but a necessity for what was to come. The next few lines simply said “Empty Me, Empty me/ Fill me, won’t You fill me with You”.  I sat in an atmosphere of worship and begged God to fill me with Himself, all of Himself because in that moment I wanted so much more of Him.  I need to be filled by Him.

Have you ever tried to fill an already full glass of water?  The water begins to overflow and make a mess on the ground below.  Have you ever tried to put clean clothes into an already packed closet?  If you never have, trust me, that’s an adventure in itself. Many say that I am a pack rat,  I see it as being a sentimentalist. I hold on to things that have memories attached to them, EVERYTHING. lol.  I’ve gotten better over the years but I remember at one point in time keeping things that did not matter and could not go with me to my next phase of life.  In order to receive the new, I had to throw out the old. That was tough because my soul was tied to the old things, the old man.  I was so stubborn in my hanging on that I would refuse what was good and new to hold on to something that was old and not useful anymore.  I needed to empty my life of the clutter of my past.

Like me, some of us need to de-clutter.  We need to be emptied so that we can receive what God is trying to give us in this season.  New wine cannot go into old wine bottles, they’ll break (paraphrasing) .  Jesus said this to teach about how when we become new people we can’t live in our old lifestyle, in our old mindsets.  But today, let’s look at this phrase as saying that we cannot receive the newness of life unless we empty the old.  There is no need to open a new bottle of wine if the old one is still open and full. (disclaimer: I don’t condone drinking, just using this as an example- can see ya’ll church people now lol.)  Some of us need to throw out what is old and stale, our past and embrace the newness of our future.  We need to be emptied.  Our heart, mind and souls need to release everything that has no use for us anymore in order to make space for what ‘s to come.

I know that this blog is about love and relationships, so I am going to bring this topic full circle.  We can’t accept the new guy/girl if we don’t let go of the old one.  We have no room for new genuine friendships if we don’t let go of the damaging old ones.  I know its hard to let go, trust me I do.  I’m a recovering pack rat, remember, so I know!  Letting go is a hard process, but it must be done in order for us to be filled again with what God has for us.  It’s time to get out a trash bag, some boxes, a bonfire and whatever else you need to get rid of the old and be emptied for the new.  I suggest placing old things in the trash bag, placing it into a box and then hurling it into a bonfire with all of your might- eliminating the residue of every memory and soul tie.  Some might say, you’re doing the most- but I say “hey, whatever works!”

May you be emptied so that you can be filled again!

Mo

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Faithful

Over the past 2 weeks, I’ve experienced an extreme dose of heaviness- the feeling of sadness that comes  and goes as it pleases.  This is unusual for me because I am the person that is usually jumping for joy.  I am the prisoner of hope, the optimist, the dreamer, but for the past two weeks it seemed that all of my dreams died and that I could not shake myself of this feeling of defeat.  This feeling infiltrated my relationship with God.

If I could describe my relationship with God, I would describe my relationship to be one of two passionate lovers, consumed and captured by each others presence.  God captures and consumes me.  It’s a feeling of complete satisfaction and security, but as the weeks went on I felt my security in Him unraveling.  I was no longer satisfied and I had no idea why.  It’s crazy when you think about how many times, we think about giving up.  I was contemplating giving up on my relationship with God, giving up on the idea of “us.”  My heart began to harden and I did not want anyone speaking into my life, praying for me,  I did not want to talk about my feelings to no one.  I longed to hear from Him, to feel His presence again because in that moment we were separated.  We were two lovers, married and committed but weathered by the cares of life.

At this point in time, God and I, have been through some really hard times.  You would think that in this moment, He would have given

Image up on me.  he would have said , there is no longer an “us”, but no instead He began to draw me to Himself.  He constantly reminded me of His love for me.  He was faithful.  I’ve never experienced this type of faithfulness before.  In the midst of my leaving, He still chased after me – wanting to love me so completely.  He was faithful. Looking back on that moment,  I am so grateful that He did not stop loving me, that he did not give up on me- in spite of me.  I am so grateful that He was faithful.  The same way he was faithful with me, he can be faithful to you.  If you allow Him to, He wants to love you -in spite of you and become something amazing in your life.  He desires to love you faithfully.