Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers-
If we’re honest, I’ve been in this amazing yet crazy place with God. For the past few months, I’ve felt like David on the run, hiding in caves, seeking safety/shelter. Can you imagine, you’re living what you deem to be your best life when transition hits? What you thought was safe isn’t anymore? Can you imagine being in an environment that once upon a time brought such life and now it has filled your heart with pain? It’s crazy how sometimes the same voices that affirm your identity can tear it down. The same environments that bring comfort can hurt your soul. It makes you feel mad even, like oh my freaking God am I losing my mind? That my dear friends have been my life since February- I’ve been on the run.
I’ve been serving through pain, encouraging through heartbreak, giving in the midst of lack. I’ve been used up and forsaken, discarded because of brokenness and I’m finally finding my way back “home.” My discernment has sharpened, my weaponry has increased and I’ve learned to fight in the midst of fear. Ladies and gents, it’s the curse of the gifted. People like me who are full of life and love, we’re targets for the insecure, the immature and those who lack compassion for the world. The more I watch the lives of my creative/gifted friends, those of us born to rule and conquer- we seem to all have the same story: a story of being on the run, seeking self-preservation, finding God in the midst of the darkness, finding healing in the midst of our pain. We’re little Davids out here checking over our shoulder, knowing that at any moment our enemies can find and abuse us- we seek safety for our souls. But, there’s good news. One day, the season of the cave ceases and before you know it, we are strong enough to return home to sit on the throne that was anointed, waiting on us.
I’m returning home. I sense this freedom around me to stop hiding. I’ve healed and now I’m whole enough to step into what’s next for me. My next is a job in Atlanta, GA. I’m moving to a new city, ready to experience new things but first I had to experience the cave. I had to learn to war, how to become shrewd, how to band people together to heal. I had to gain community, learn the intentions of those around me, I had to start again. I had to embrace my vulnerability, honor during hard circumstances, learn the art of forgiveness. I had to experience the cave. In the cave, I learned that He was my safety, my shelter. In the cave, I learned to keep my eyes open. In the cave, I learned how to be honest and how to confront hard things. I needed the cave to mature, to do the hard work, to grow.
Typically, we grow hidden underneath the soil. We mature in the obscurity. We develop in the dark. Caves are dark but are amazing spaces to be hidden, to grow. Growing up, I felt bad for David. Can you imagine knowing you’re king but living in a cave? Like, why God would you give a promise only to allow his life to be filled with affliction? But, now I understand that David needed his process to become the great King Israel needed. He needed the tactical warfare skills of the cave. Every place of darkness is used by the Lord to bring clarity and the more we run towards His light, he teaches that even the bad things are used for our good.
Family, you might be in a cave (mentally, spiritually and emotionally) trying to figure out if it’s safe to return “home”- but know that God is with you in the cave. He is right there, holding your hand, keeping you safe. He is your shelter, your fortress, your hiding place. Also, be rest assured, you won’t be on the run forever. One day, it’ll be time to return to your rightful place: you’ll be safe, you’ll be home. Seasons change, life evolves but your Father remains the same and He loves you even now. That’s the truth I had to remind myself every day: He loves me in my weakness, he cares about me in my brokenness and when I don’t know if it’s safe to show my heart- HE WILL KEEP ME SAFE!
Love you guys and I’m lifting yall up tonight!
Scripture reference: 1 Samuel 24