the switch up.

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers-

Inspiration hits me in the most random places and for once Facebook was more than a distraction but a source of encouragement and joy.  I watched as one of my sisters expressed herself unapologetically in boldness, strength, and grace.  She switched up in the game and I was here for all of it!  She was becoming herself and it was beautiful, almost led me into a little tear-fest but I am a G so I reflected and thought about my own experience- my own switch up.

With John Mayer playing in the background, I sat and thought about my journey.  The Simone from July 2018 no longer exists and I am glad!  I was dope or whatever but I was too passive, cared way too much about the opinions of others and allowed people to take advantage of me.   I was living life for others but wasn’t truly living for me.  It was the end of July and I just got out of an emotionally abusive relationship.  I remember having this talk with God about what I deserved as a woman, as a godly woman.  I was the girl that hid behind her career, behind her gifts and preferred the background over the limelight any day.  I was not too confident with my body and I had a host of fears, I mean your girl was afraid of EVERYTHING!  It is crazy looking back at how bound I was…

I remember the Father directing me to start working out with my girl Lex.  She has a fitness brand/training company called LoveLex, where you come to love your now as you’re working on your next.  I started to work out with her and a group of my friends and fell in love with my body.  Things slowly began to change.  I was in my last year of law school and I no longer hid in the classroom, I began to share my opinion more and began to be transparent about my journey.  I started to embrace my favorite word, “NO.” and put up a host of boundaries.  I even had to switch up from this passive person to a more assertive person,  I transformed from a little lamb into a lioness and I began to take myself seriously. The switch-up was in full effect but the world did not become introduced to the “new” me until January 2019.  As soon as the clock struck midnight,   new me became visible to those around me.  It was an immediate change: my confidence level was on ten, I knew my worth and I was a thriving boss chick that was no longer settling for mess.   

As January faded and February began, I became more racially conscience.  I fell in love with my blackness and realized that all of my melanin was hella beautiful.  Your girl started to rock her natural hair, afro and all!  I read about my ancestors, began to honor my black kings and queens and developed a love for my black heroes that paved the way before me.  I pledged to honor Fannie, Angela, and Ella; to use my influence and position of power as an attorney to rid the world of injustice.  Your girl is black black and I love all of it!  Spring came with March and I was this no-nonsense believer who was more interested in acting out scripture than shaming people with it.  I got a hold of grace and I understood the love of God which went farther than perfection.  It was the most liberating experience of my life.  I was no longer living for church politics or for people who did not create me to accept me, I was accepted already.  I attended dances, went to mixers, traveled all over the country for conferences, and went on day trips- I was having the time of my life!   I became free.

April came and then May followed and before you knew it, I  graduated from law school and I embraced my intelligence as a gift from God.  God was doing a work in my heart and I began to heal emotionally.  I rid my life of the past and I was walking towards my future.  I woke up and realized that I was worthy of happiness, worthy of love, worthy of hearing and being told the truth.  I was worth all of the good in the world. Even today, I look in the mirror and do not recognize the person I see.  I transformed into a new person: one who is full of love and courage, one who is free to speak her mind and express herself, one who loves herself enough to wait.  My change has been transformative for my esteem.

I think every woman goes through this process of awakening when you realize that what you’ve settled for is not all that life has to offer.  There is a moment when you love  yourself enough not to accept half-promises and half-truths.  You come to love yourself more than the comfort of someone, more than the opportunities given, more than the limitations others will place upon you.  There is a day in every woman’s life when she falls in love with herself and her understanding of her dopeness changes the trajectory of her life.  I fell in love with me and that’s when my life changed for the better.  My friends tease me and say that I switched up the game, I did but I think we should all have a day where we switch up on those who thought they knew us, thought they could run us, control us, manipulate us or abuse us.  Switch up Queen and slay as you move into freedom!

Xoxo,

Simone

An Orange Tombstone

Peering into the portals of the past…

9/15/12- “Don’t  forget…”

An orange glossed ticket stands between hope and disappointment,

as my heart broke at the sound of your empty presence.

Ricocheting previous trust  issues,

crashing the building of acceptance I built for only you.

My walls bare with guards became surrounded,

my emotional SWAT team came to its emergency rescue.

I sat in the blazing heat.

I looked at the field of sunsets and orange haze blinded my perception of you.

I left hating your school and I too believed the lie that …

even you was too good to be true.

Deception fueled by your lies, I swore my hatred would last forever.

Even as the shadow of death came and  killed our friendship in death valley-

Memorial stadium became a place of remembrance of what we had.

In that sacred ground, I buried my allegiance to you and I left never looking back.

It was there, I buried pure hope in  you….

©Simone Holloway, 2016

 

FIC:http://www.travisbellphotography.com/wallpapers/clemson.death.valley.fireworks.1s.jpg

I Desire To Forget

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers –

Today’s devotional was about forgiveness and I thought I would share my deepest desire with you.  I desire to forgive in such a magnitude that I don’t remember the sins of those that wronged me. Many say forgive but never forget, however I don’t want to remember.  I don’t want to have a memory that attaches someone/some place from my past to a particular feeling.  I want to be able to see that person and harbor no resentment/bitterness in my heart toward them.  I want to be able to see that person and not worry about them hurting me again, because I now lack the knowledge of them hurting me before. I want to be able to step into a building and not react with feelings of insecurity because of the sins that were committed in that place.  I believe that operating in true forgiveness allows me to do just that, without this guilt of “I’m being dumb or naïve.”  I strive to walk in a forgiveness that forgets the wrongs of those that sinned against me.

1 Corinthians 13: 5 says that “Love remembers no wrongs…” it does not harbor past transgressions against no one.  Love does not remember past sins and faults.  This love and forgiveness is demonstrated to us through love of Jesus Christ.  He died for us, loving us in spite of our mistakes and faults and loving us into a personal transformation.  He forgave our faults and He does not harbor them against us any longer. His love is real and His forgiveness is sure.  I being His servant/ambassador/friend, walk even as He has walked and choose to not remember the sins of those that done things to me in the past.  I choose not to remember, no to hold someone to a memory of who they once was….

***NEWSFLASH*** People change!  That’s right, you heard it here first folks!  People change.  Some change for the better, others change for the worse- but all in all change is evident and consistently in effect.  Change is inevitable. So if I hold my brother or sister to a fault that occurred in their past self, against them in the present time- where change may have occurred- I am not being fair.  I am not being just.  Because God is just, He does not hold our past sins to us but acknowledge the possibility of change.

Should we do the same? Are we being truly just? Or are we living life constantly being unfair?

Today, I encourage you to forgive.  I encourage you to let things go and to choose to not remember.

Why harbor bad memories?  Why hold sadness in your heart? To learn a lesson?  The lesson has been learned and applied, so isn’t it time to find happiness again?  Isn’t it time for reconciliation? Isn’t it time to be free to have happy memories again?  Isn’t it time to forget completely?  Isn’t it?

The choice is yours on how you live your life.  Whether you are happy or living in sadness- the choice is yours.  I choose to be happy.  I choose to love like Christ loves.  I choose to completely forgive.  I choose to forget!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Featured Image Credit: http://thevillagechurch.net/mediafiles/uploaded/b/0e2360063_1375834511_blog-forgiving-despite-forgetting.jpg

It Wasn’t All Bad

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

I find it hilarious that when something goes wrong between us and those we care about, the only memories we have of them are negative.  It is as if in that moment, all of the good times no longer exist and that our memory has no happy times to reflect on.  It’s just like the enemy to get us to focus on the bad when there is so much good around us, even in the people around us.  I remember having a spat with a friend and the only things I remembered about him were his negative traits, convincing me that being friends with him was not a good idea in the first place.  The problem with this type of thinking, is that this mindset will rob you of some of the most amazing people, experiences and things in life.  People change, things change, places change with a goal of becoming better.  So I can’t look at people from my past here in the present- in the same light, especially if  many years separate our last encounter.  A lot can happen in a year.  In fact a lot can happen in a day, so I need to keep my mind open and ears listening to what’s being said to me.  We all deserve second chances and just because some bad things happen doesn’t mean that they are bad people- maybe misguided but not definitely (without room for change) bad!  I love the gospel because whether you are rich or poor; a businessman or a thief there is always room for change in Jesus.  He causes us to change our attitudes, mindsets, perceptions, and He helps us see the good in the midst of the bad.  So when that person who wronged you stroll your way, allow your self to see them in a new light and embrace the possibility of reconciliation and change.

Life didn’t always suck, it wasn’t all bad- so reflect on those times that were good.

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Featured Image Credit: https://specialgathering.files.wordpress.com/2012/02/forgiveness.jpg

Empty Promises

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

How are you guys doing?  My mind just took a turn down memory lane, it does that sometimes.  I used to think my memory was a curse, a realm of my mind that constantly brought up things I wished I could forget, but now I believe it is a blessing- a contributor to lessons learned and the reason wisdom takes top priority in the character wish list.

It is not until you at the end of an empty promise that you understand the importance of keeping one’s word.  A man’s word is his bond, bond can be defined as an agreement with legal force..a promise, vow , or word of honor.  I’ve been on the receiving end of empty promises so much so that for a period of time, I lacked faith in one’s words or agreements made with me.  This trust was so diminished that I expected everyone to disappoint me, and you can’t have long lasting friendships when you’re expecting disappointment.  But, hey- you get what you expect right?

A distant memory triggered today’s discussion.  Once upon a time, I was friends with a guy that I worked with.  We became close very fast and anyways, he was giving me a ride home from work when he made a definite statement “I intend on hanging out with you this summer.”  I didn’t ask for him to hang out with me outside of work.  I never pushed a deeper friendship with him, so this took me aback for a moment, but at the same time my friend circle was so small that I was excited at the thought of adventures this summer with him.  That summer came and left- we never hung out that summer.  Again I was at the end of an empty promise, I should have expected it, but I didn’t and that was what made it hurt even more.

Good intentions paved the pathway to hell.  We all intend to do things, but how many of us actually follow through.  Like, really follow through.  Talk is cheap and intentions mean nothing without action, so today I encourage you guys to watch what you say you intend to do.  If you make a promise, keep it!  A man/woman is only as good as their word, if you lack the ability to follow through- making promises isn’t for you.  Some people can’t follow through, they have big vision and big dream but lack the capability to bring those things to life, causing what they imagined to die right in their hands.

Watch what you say, because your words have duel power- the power to make someone’s life better and/or the power to make someone’s life worse.  Keep your empty promises to yourself!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Featured Image Credit: http://churchofthefridge.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/empty-promises.jpg

Curious

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

Happy Wednesday!   I thought I would share one of my favorite songs with you.  It describes how I am feeling at this very moment.  So sit back and enjoy!

❤ Mo

“Curious”

[Intro]
Look I don’t care who you are, you could relate to this one.
There’s some people in your life for a short season of time and
It’s almost better that you bury the memories of them because you’ve already moved on
And holding on to it just don’t make no sense.
Sometimes we go and dig it up like “Just curious”

[Verse 1]
Is it corny if I admit
That I check up on you from time to time when I’m on the net
I promise I ain’t no stalker it’s so awkward
When I actually come across you I act like I ain’t bothered a bit
And you know what that is and I know too
That’s pride mixed with lies mixed with “I want you”s
Kinda maybe sorta or the order could be off
Often I wonder if I regret what I lost
At a later time could my state of mind make me blind
I pray it isn’t if it was I wouldn’t admit it
I thought that I was heading in the right direction
But maybe loneliness has got me second guessing
I got some fly women they follow me on Twitter
I think I’ll DM’em alright I’m trippin’
But I’m hard wired for intimacy
So why does my loneliness lead to compromise?
Oh contentment, come quick!

[Chorus]
I’m still curious
Sometimes I’m still
I’m still (curious)
I’m still (curious)
I’m still curious (I think about you)
I’m still (curious)
I’m still (curious)

[Verse 2]
Is it weird it’s been a few years
We celebrated the ball droppin’ together (cheers)
The stuff you used to wear different products in your hair
When I smell’em in the air I feel like you’re somewhere near
Is it me? Is it you? Was it lie? Was it truth?
Maybe it’s just nobody’s ever good enough for you
OK I swear I’m going through asked my homie what to do
He said, “Boy, listen here ’cause I’m finna tell the truth.”
Everybody think about they ex’s
Even if you got kids, married to your best friend
In them memories are easily made but hard to forget
Cause they etched up in your heart the good times and regrets
It’s curiosity get you in trouble
Specially if it’s forbidden kind that you run to
Ah man yeah you’re more sensitive then you’ll ever admit
So be careful who you make memories with
The secret is to learn what it means to be content
And celebrate what God’s given not the things He didn’t
Our heart is always longing for more and it wanna bug out
That’s why we gotta drink from that water that never run out
But sometimes

[Chorus]
I’m still curious
Sometimes I’m still
I’m still (curious)
I’m still (curious)
I’m still curious (I think about you)
I’m still (curious)
I’m still (curious)

[Hook]
It takes a moment to make memories
A life time to to forget ’em (curious)
That’s why I’m still curious
[3x]

Thanks AZ LYRICS for the lyrics :http://www.azlyrics.com/lyrics/andymineo/curious.html
Featured Image Credit: http://www.esquire.com/cm/esquire/images/2h/esq-curious-child-N0Qv8a-lg.jpg

See

I remember

looking over my shoulder

peering your way

I remember

you looking over

asking my gaze to stay

I remember

our conversation

nothing came from our mouths

I remember

the frustration

as our emotions went down south

I remember

wanting you to get it

to truly feel my pain

I remember

you wanted to talk, to sit

that day it rained

I remember

you seeing my soul

seeing the scars that were still there

I remember

hoping that my heart didn’t have a hole

that I could still care

All in all, I remember

I remember looking at you

You looking at me

I remember

Us figuring out what to do

begging to really see

(c) Simone Holloway, 2014

Featured Image Credit:http://www.frostbox.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/06/memories_will_never_fade_away__by_franzeyfragility.jpg

Dreamin’

I see you in my dreams

I hear your voice

my memory’s having a spasm

as your face flashes across my mind

your name is on my heart

I don’t know why

I don’t have any answers

All I know is that my mind is wrapped

around you

&

only you

my mind and my heart is on you

That smile

Those eyes

That laugh

OH MY GOSH….it’s like a gift from God

An early Christmas

You

I can’t wait

to see

you

❤ Mo

(c) Simone Holloway, 2014.

Featured Image Credit: http://manifeisty.files.wordpress.com/2010/12/colour-heart-bokeh.jpg

Free to Love

Hey Authentic Lovers!

Happy #FreedomFriday, I hope that all of you have a great day!  I am overjoyed to talk to each of you guys today, I haven’t felt this way in a long time.  You know… that feeling of pure excitement because you are about to tell your best friend the best news in your life.  That feeling.  That is how I feel right now, like I am about to spill the best secret ever.  Well dear friends…I am pleased to announce that I am free to love again.  Yep, that’s right!  I said it!  I AM FREE TO LOVE.  This is some major news for me being that I just went through heartache and really had this negative perspective of love in general.  My mom told me that when I could no longer remember the pain, I was ready to love again and that is what I experienced today.  I was sitting in my room when I felt such contentment and a warm feeling in my heart. I began to think about the last few months and I could (honest to God) not remember the disappointment or hurt any longer, it’s like my mind erased all of those memories.  I was amazed and just sat on my bed in astonishment.  Less than two months ago, my heart was completely broken.  I thought was never going to heal….never, but as I got up and kept living life- my heart healed.

God is so good because His love has the power to heal us.  He heals our past wounds with His love.  I am so content in Him and I know that one day I am going to be united with the love of my life.  God has created someone just for me.  The God I call friend and love only gives me great gifts and I know that the guy He’s giving me is the best for me.  I realized that if God had sent someone to love me, I wouldn’t be able to receive them because I was still broken.  I am no longer broken.  I am no longer bound to past hurts and regrets…I’m free.  Free to love. Free to enjoy my life with another.  Free to fall in love again.  I no longer have any type of hesitation  or doubt, I no longer question my judgement or live in fear- I am free.  Perfect love casts out all fear, I am free to love fearlessly!  

So today, I hope that you join me.  I hope that you come to the place where you are no longer broken, where you are no longer looking over your shoulder looking for pain and disappointment.  I hope you come to place where you no longer blame yourself for a broken heart.  I hope you come to the place where you can be healed, a place where God extends His love to you: making you new.  He loves you and I know that through Him, you can be healed and free to love.  I am free, how about you?

Until next time,

❤ Mo

Featured Image Credit: https://mstranquilitydotcom.files.wordpress.com/2014/10/free-to-love.jpg

F: http://www.facebook.com/authenticlove789

T: http://www.twitter.com/framesofdust8

I: http://www.instagram.com/mynameis_mo578

An Artist

I am an artist

An artist I am

A calligrapher of change

A painter of strength

A sculptor of hope

I am an artist,

An artist I am

No I don’t paint

No I don’t own canvas

No I don’t carry pounds of clay with me

Nor is charcoal my “fav” accessory

Yet, I am an artist

An artist I am

I paint on the hearts of many

With the words I speak

I sculpt ideas

With every stroke of every key

And yet, money is not sent to me

But, still… I am an artist

An artist I am

I draw on the imagination of your mind

Knowing that in time…

My words will make memories

Will set souls free

Yet, I don’t have a gallery

But I am an artist

An artist I am

SO BE NOT confused

With what you see

Or what you think

Or what you are accustomed to

Because, BOO- I am an artist

An artist I am

I am

I am

An Artist

❤ Mo

“Copyright, Sept 6. 2014, Mo”

Featured Image Credit : http://www.1st-art-gallery.com/Architecture/Studios-And-Workshops-2.html