Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers

“Be Open.” That is the instruction ringing in my heart.  All of my fears are contending with the Lord in the form of what-ifs, yet in kindness, He repeats himself once more: “Open your heart. Open your heart to love.”  Tears stream down my cheeks as I realize that I’ve been closed to the idea that someone will actually love me.  Fully.  To tell you the truth, I’ve just fully accepted the idea that He loved me fully.  I just became content with that phenomenon; that in spite of all of my mistakes, weaknesses, and shortcomings, this great God was in fact deeply in love with me.

My heart resisted but the instruction remained the same, “Open your heart. Open your heart to being loved.” “But God” my heart persisted, “What if he hurts me?” The instruction remained the same, “Open your heart.  Open your heart to being loved.”  “But God.” my heart pleaded, “What if this breaks me worse than last time?” The Father remained gentle, in pure kindness- he stated one more time, “Love, the choice is yours. But darling, I’ll ask again – Open your heart.  Open your heart to being loved.”  I sat on my couch and I heard his gentle voice like oil caress my spirit and I had a choice to make.  Either I would open up and take the risk of pain or remain closed and ultimately alone.

At the end of the day to trust in the instruction of God is to ultimately trust in Him.  To trust Him requires the hard thing:  it requires facing our fears, it requires confronting our doubts, it requires trying again at the thing we think we suck at the most.  For me, love.  I have this obvious track record of failed relationships, of apparent heartbreaks.  I have this rap sheet of ugly moments and countless memories of love lost.  I am a woman who has made peace with her regrets yet fear gripped me when I heard his voice.  Fear came to remind me of my past and shame came as a drinking buddy ready to cosign me into self-sabotage.  Yet, here comes Holy Spirit: kind, gentle and full of truth with one simple instruction.  Be Open. Open your heart to being loved. 

So, here I am completely open and vulnerable and just plain scared but willing.  I am willing to be open, I am willing to be loved.

I have no idea where this heart journey is going to take me.  All I know is that I am committed to obeying sweet Holy Spirit’s instruction.  I am committed to being open and to keep my heart open to being loved. I am willing and my heart says “Yes.

Until next time,




It’s Just Easier

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

It’s been awhile, I’ve been hiding out for a little while.  I was thinking about writing about what I was feeling but I realized it’s easier to stay on the shore, within a shallow zone and to not extend more information than what would be necessary.  I bet, there are more people out there feeling the same way- “I would open up, but that would require emoting what’s on the inside, and I don’t know if I want to go through all of that.” But lovelies, I feel like my spirit is going to burst- like a giant bomb waiting to EXPLODE.

Ummm… let’s see, my day was super crappy- between issues with my health,  my desires for change in my personal life and the sadness I feel concerning someone I dearly love, I’m not sure if I can hold all of what I am feeling on the inside.  I bet there’s someone reading this, like OMG you’re expressing where I am right now.  If I could encourage you with anything, let what’s inside OUT!!!  If it’s anger, sadness, frustration, whatever it is- let it out because you’re not strong enough nor was you created to hold it all in.  Get into the presence of Jesus and give him what’s plaguing your spirit and let Him handle it.  That’s what I am about to do, because though it’s easier to pretend like everything is okay- it’s taxing and annoying and to tell you the truth, I’m tired of it.  When will you become tired?  When will you become tired enough to change what’s around you and demand better?  Lovelies, I’m in that place and I am demanding change and joy to come to me.

Until next time,