Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers–
“Be Open.” That is the instruction ringing in my heart. All of my fears are contending with the Lord in the form of what-ifs, yet in kindness, He repeats himself once more: “Open your heart. Open your heart to love.” Tears stream down my cheeks as I realize that I’ve been closed to the idea that someone will actually love me. Fully. To tell you the truth, I’ve just fully accepted the idea that He loved me fully. I just became content with that phenomenon; that in spite of all of my mistakes, weaknesses, and shortcomings, this great God was in fact deeply in love with me.
My heart resisted but the instruction remained the same, “Open your heart. Open your heart to being loved.” “But God” my heart persisted, “What if he hurts me?” The instruction remained the same, “Open your heart. Open your heart to being loved.” “But God.” my heart pleaded, “What if this breaks me worse than last time?” The Father remained gentle, in pure kindness- he stated one more time, “Love, the choice is yours. But darling, I’ll ask again – Open your heart. Open your heart to being loved.” I sat on my couch and I heard his gentle voice like oil caress my spirit and I had a choice to make. Either I would open up and take the risk of pain or remain closed and ultimately alone.
At the end of the day to trust in the instruction of God is to ultimately trust in Him. To trust Him requires the hard thing: it requires facing our fears, it requires confronting our doubts, it requires trying again at the thing we think we suck at the most. For me, love. I have this obvious track record of failed relationships, of apparent heartbreaks. I have this rap sheet of ugly moments and countless memories of love lost. I am a woman who has made peace with her regrets yet fear gripped me when I heard his voice. Fear came to remind me of my past and shame came as a drinking buddy ready to cosign me into self-sabotage. Yet, here comes Holy Spirit: kind, gentle and full of truth with one simple instruction. Be Open. Open your heart to being loved.
So, here I am completely open and vulnerable and just plain scared but willing. I am willing to be open, I am willing to be loved.
I have no idea where this heart journey is going to take me. All I know is that I am committed to obeying sweet Holy Spirit’s instruction. I am committed to being open and to keep my heart open to being loved. I am willing and my heart says “Yes.”
Until next time,