Misplaced Expectations.

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

I’ve been guilty of many things, one being the placement of expectations on those I love without agreed upon conversation. I know what you’re thinking, “Simone, you can’t just be out here expecting things from people who have not verbalized their agreement to fulfill certain roles!” I know. It’s not my intention to placed these expectations on others but if we’re honest deep down on the inside, we expect people to love like we do. Yes, we do! We expect people to be as tolerant as us, to give as much as we do, to be concerned with what we care about, to see the world through our lens. The disappointment comes when we discover that someone is not loving us the way we expected them to, that they are not being as kind as we expected, that they are not as honest as we expected. Our disappointment comes from our own misplaced expectations.

I recently came to a place with someone that I love that left me deeply disappointed. I entered into this friendship with this person, shared my heart with them, even told them things that no one else knew about me. I became aware of a bit of dishonesty from them to me and I was deeply troubled: I WAS ANGRY!!! Man, you could not tell me I wasn’t justified in my response. The problem was, I was really angry with myself. Angry that I placed these expectations of honesty and truth upon someone and their failure of those expectations. If we’re honest, our anger is with ourselves. We’re disappointed that we placed faith and trust in someone that we thought could do no wrong, but they did. Problem is: we’re all human, liable to make mistakes. We are all liable to get it wrong and there is grace for mistakes.

So…if I could offer any advice. Please do not place expectations on people unless there has been a direct conversation stipulating behavior. We cannot expect perfection, but we should not tolerate crap either. Some things can be cleared up by mere communication. So have the conversation… do that person value honesty the way you do? How do they feel about the concept of respect? Do they value you? Why do they want to be in your life? What is the role that they want to place in your life? Do you agree with this role? Express your feelings, desires, stances on relational definitions and let the chips fall where they lay.

Rid your life of misplaced expectations.

Xoxo,

Simone

FIC: https://cloud.visura.co/346518.xx_large.jpg

I Am Too Proud To Beg

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers- 

Happy Pre-Christmas Week!  I’m home for the holidays and I can feel the hustle and bustle of excitement in the air.  It’s been a while since we’ve talked, so I thought I would share something with each of you tonight.

As I began to gear up for dinner prep, I began to think about the holidays as a whole.  As many of you know, I ended a long-term relationship this past July.  Before this final break up, I was stuck in this on again- off again whirlwind of a relationship.  I spent seven years devoted to this rescue project, who did not acknowledge my own value to invest the same.  It was a living nightmare.  The sad part of this whole fiasco was every Christmas I would do the absolute most to convince him that I was “it.”  It was as if in my mind the magic of Christmas would cure our toxic relationship.  Slowly but surely, I awakened to myself, and now I am convinced that I deserve better.

Ladies and gents, this is the first Christmas in a long time that I am truly single.  I mean single-single.  I am single in my mind, heart, body, I belong to God and me alone.  Christmas is not my favorite holiday because of whose attached to me (contrary to Hallmark Channel’s popular belief), neither does this holiday bring me joy because of who is sitting at my dinner table.  Christmas is my favorite holiday because its the day God in goodness full of love gave the world a gift that was too good for it:  His Son.  He loved me enough to give me a piece of himself. And if the Creator gave himself so freely, why on earth should I have to beg someone to love me well?  I don’t.  Point, blank, periodt!

Friends, it took me seven years to learn that I deserved better.  Seven long, teary-eyed, exhausting years.  Now that I recognize my worth, I’m not begging anyone else to.  I know that I’m beautiful,  I know that I’m dope, I know that I’m wife material.  I understand that I am God’s gift to humanity, that I’ve been fashioned in gentleness and grace, that my class and elevated thinking is one to die for.  I know who I am.  And this awareness of me has shifted my whole approach to relationships.  Friends, know thyself!  Recognize the goodness that lies within you and refuse to beg anyone else to see what’s inside- especially someone with no vision, no goals, no ambition and a little to no future.

Be too proud of yourself to beg!

Xoxo,

Simone

Memories

I remember being prompted to write to you.

To unleash all of my thoughts and to direct them solely to you.

But fear came in, and I determined

that I could not bear such a weight of honesty.

I did not want to face this insecurity,

so I remained silent.

Yet, I could not continue to hide that…

my mind remembers you.

My mind is also convinced that 1+1=2…

that one day there will be

the two of us, freely

engaged in a relationship with one another

and not just simply together.

My mind and not just my heart is shipping us on the daily.

To tell the truth, you’re to blame

because since our first meeting I haven’t been the same

and that’s when fear and doubt came…

and I silently watched you forfeit the love game.

Hmmm… isn’t it crazy that after all the time that’s gone by,

after sleeping under different parts of the skies,

after absent vacations, birthdays and graduations,

after new jobs and new life situations,

after twists, turns, life unexpected promises,

after suicidal attempts and divine God-visits,

after years of addictions and brand new shoes,

after realizing that life was more than being cool..

I still cannot forget about you.

Trust me, I tried.

I stood in the mirror and lied,

said that I didn’t love you anymore.

I went too far in my confession, I even swore-

to those that loved me dearly and to those who witnessed my pain.

I promised I wouldn’t choose you, because I didn’t want you to break me again.

But my mind doesn’t care because I remember:

Indian and Thai food, Lakers, “Lebron, the princess!”, Christmas 2012, Phoenix (Parisian boys), “I’m destiny, you’re looking at it”, bagging contest, CNC galore, food science degrees, brewery dreams, “Sept. 15, Don’t forget!”, fields and fields of broken dreams.  July 10, 2011,> hands clasped at the altar.

I remember and I tried desperately to forget.

For 5+ years, every moment I’ve had in life has found a way to connect to you.

So… I know I’m intelligent, but maybe I’m a fool.

Because even on your worst days- I still want to be with you!

Maybe this is grace personified in me,

maybe this is love, maybe this is being free.

Maybe this is compassion bestowed liberally…

all in all, still remains the question of what to do.

Yes, I’ll admit it.  I never stopped loving you.

©Simone Holloway, 2018

FIC: https://i2.wp.com/indiacurrents.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/09/memories.jpg?resize=500%2C333&ssl=1

Grace, Poise and Confidence

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

Happy Friday!  I don’t have class today and I smile on the inside knowing that there is a God and He loves me dearly.  This week has been such a busy week and I cannot wait to get a free moment to sleep!

DISCLAIMER: I’m talking to the Ladies today!  Guys, you all are awesome but I’m speaking to my sisters, aunts, nieces, friends, and mentees about something missing from our world.  

Anyways…. I wanted to talk about something that is near and dear to my heart.  I am a big proponent of equality and ridding isms in our world, but I am also super concerned with this push to be a bad “B” rather than to be a lady filled with grace, class and poise.  We as women are powerful!  We are extremely powerful when we are filled with class, poise,grace, gentleness and strength.  I think because of the injustices, we have been taught that we have to assert our authority and become aggressive to be recognized which could be nothing further from the truth.  I love to see young women who carry themselves with class, not arrogance but a steady confidence in who they are and their ability.

My mom taught me to carry myself as a lady, she used to always tell me that when I entered into a room- my positive attitude and confident presence would speak for itself.  I did not have to show off my body for attention, I did not have to be the loudest person in the room, I did not have to esteem my own accomplishments and brag about my  abilities.  If I did a great job, those I impacted would speak my praises for themselves.  I used to think that she was just being super old fashioned and I spent time doing the complete opposite.  I came across as one who lacked self-worth, one who was super insecure and one who did not know the finesse of being the woman God created me to be.  This guy I was talking to said he wanted a girl that was just like a guy but with a different sex organ…ummm… I could never be that for him: because even though I was cool in conversation and extremely easy-going I was not a guy and I had no desire to become one.  There is something so amazing about living a life of class, respect and honor as a young woman.  This is not something that should be shunned or looked at as of days of old but something that should be adopted and revisited as a society.

Based upon experience, I’ve enjoyed my interactions with the guys around me by being who I am: a classy, gracious young woman.  It’s like my behavior, pulls out the gentlemen that are inside of them.  I experience more chivalry, more intimate conversations about life, and a supreme level of trust that came from an air of gentleness and security.  Our strength does not come from our aggression but rather from our gentleness.  I think God designed women the way he did to pull out the best in the men/world around them.  He made us powerful vehicles of life and he created within us this art of  cultivation and  beautification.  We make the world beautiful and we make the lives of our significant others beautiful with our words, mannerism and infectious attitudes.  It’s time that we uplift and build the rights of women around the world- by teaching each other that we are worth more than what we have been labeled.  We are not the property of men or society but we belong to a God who created us in grace to exude grace.

Former First Lady Michelle Obama is goals where it concerns grace, class and poise!

Until next time,

Simone

FIC: http://www.niamagazine.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/11/First-Lady-Michelle-Obama-Opens-Up-to-Vogue_Nia-Magazine.jpg

Rooftops

Looking out of the window, gazing at the rooftops…

Oh, how I wish I was up there, hands stretched towards the sky.

I can feel the sun beckoning me outside, but I’m trapped within circumstance.

Trapped with responsibility, captured by what appears to be easy.

And I, would love to run away and find myself on a rooftop with you.

Let’s admit it- we always see better then we’re a little higher.

Level one for me has expired,

and I desire something more than what I see.

I want to be free!

Free in deed and not just in words,

serenely taken by the beauty in you.

So, what will I do?

Nothing, I’ll wait…

for my time has not yet come.

©Simone Holloway, 2017.

FIC: https://rutheh.files.wordpress.com/2009/07/nyc-rooftops-night2.jpg

Hanging Out….

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

Happy Thursday!  Thurdsdays are wonderful because they mean that we are a few days away from the weekend.  I hope you all are having a great day!  I have a confession to make- I HATE the way my generation enters into relationships!!!! LIKE, I REALLY HATE IT.  Maybe I’m just an old soul, but I am so attracted to the way my parents and grandparents approached dating, marriage and long-term relationships. A term that just irritates the heck out of me is this new form of dating entitled “hanging out”. OMG that phrase used in the romantic context drives me up a wall…

When someone tells me they want to “hang out”: my mind goes platonic/ friendship, casual clothing, chill-mode.  To me, I have no incentive to place any effort into the interaction that I may/may not experience.  SO… when a guy asks for my number and then ask if we can hang out, I’ve already placed them into the friend-zone.  I hang with my friends and I date potential significant others. This notion of I’m going to monopolize your time, require effort to test your potential without placing in effort myself, and expect girlfriend benefits without the label is very damaging to relationships.  Like, back in the day- if a guy wanted to date you or pursue something romantically with you- like, he asked you out on a date.  He planned the date.  He picked you up for the date, maybe opened doors for you and made you very aware of his intentions with you.  Today, the conversations are like- “Let’s hang out, maybe grab a bite- not really sure.” “I’ll call you, maybe- probably text you and we’ll meet up maybe.”  It’s so fickle.  Like: one day you’re digging me, one day you’re not.  One day you want a relationship, one day it’s too much for you and you’re confused.  Like bruh, it’s not that deep!  Let us not continue to waste time.

So, I’m not feeling this hook-up culture  masked under a common phrase “hanging out.” Dinner dates never go out style, chivalry is still a cool thing to have and phone calls are so much better than text messages.  And guess what?  Having standards is awesome too!  Let’s hang with our friends and date those we develop feelings for.

***Side-note:  I think this “hang-out/faux dating/hook up”culture is rooted in this deep-seeded fear of rejection by both men and women and this was like our band-aid to remedy the situation but that’s another blog post for another day… ***

Until next time,

Simone

FIC: https://68.media.tumblr.com/14b12f2b311c7d597871fc52fb2d650d/tumblr_omlm7zde3m1ujcvduo1_500.gif

 

You Are Enough

Hello old friends, new followers and  fellow bloggers-

I wonder how the world would look like if we loved people for who they truly were and not for who we wanted them to be.  Just think, what would our relationships look like  if we chose to accept our significant other in their entirety?  Would we be happy?  Would our relationships last?  I think the number one problem in relationships is the lack of acceptance towards one’s partner.

Many enter into relationships viewing their partner as their latest rescue project, an avenue of change, and not as a human being deserving of unconditional love.  I used to be so guilty of this, entering into relationships with this mission of changing the person I was with to fit my needs/desires.  This mindset misses the mark of why we enter into relationships in the first place.  We choose to journey with someone so that we can learn from them and vice versa.  We enter into relationships so that we can love someone in their entirety and in return we receive the same or a greater level of love. There is nothing worse than being in relationship with someone and not feeling like you  are enough- like you can’t be your true self with that person.

For years, I spent so much time hiding myself  from those I loved.  I was so afraid that I would not be accepted as I am, and in turn I picked up all these “rescue projects” along the way infused with a spirit of judgement.

There is this amazing verse that speaks of giving mercy, for the same measure of mercy given is the same measure of mercy that we’ll receive.  I think that we should do the same in our love, we should love people for who they are.  We should embrace them for who they are and not strive to change people into who we desire for them to be. When we go into our relationships seeking to change that individual, we are telling them that they are not enough for us just the way they are.  Our words or actions communicate that these individuals we swear to love are not: good enough, kind enough, smart enough, beautiful enough, and etc.  After awhile our significant others are knocked out of their throne of awesomeness, their empire of confidence and begin to question what makes them special and unique.  This is not the message God wants us to share with the world.  He made each of us different with different talents, gifts, features and etc.  He created us to accept our difference, to wear our awesomeness with pride- to Him, we’re enough!

So… I don’t know who mishandled your heart or who made you feel like you would never be enough, but I just wanted to let you know that YOU ARE ENOUGH FOR GOD.  He loves you for you.  His love is not contingent upon your job, GPA, swag or even your family connections.  He loves you for you.  If God who has a higher standard than us, love you for you- why can’t your significant other do the same?  I spent way too much time compromising myself so that others would like me, so that this guy who is only occupying a small margin of my existence would give me the time of day- but as I grow older: If I cannot be myself then I do not need to enter into relationship with that person.  I rather be true to myself than compromise who I am.  I’ve realized that I am enough and that those who love me must love me for me.  Point blank period!

Well family, I hope this encourages you. Always be reminded that you are enough and you do not have to abdicate your throne for anyone. Sit on your throne and rule like the QUEEN/KING you are.  Much love!

Until next time,

Simone

FIC: https://66.media.tumblr.com/f2feb3194450a36f2e2082b3d053b660/tumblr_noji4jKBNf1tf8ykeo1_500.png

 

Cuffing Season

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

So I was reading the Skimm, which is by the way is AMAZEBALLS… anyways, I was reading my daily dose of brief and concise news when I saw a line stating that it was cuffing season.  I was like, “what the heck is that?” If you guys do not  know what I am talking about, “cuffing season” is what most people call Fall because it is the time people hook up, get into relationships so that they can survive the cold weather with a snuggle buddy.  No lie, this is like a common practice.  I’ve seen more relationship posts, complaints of singleness and “ride or die” memes in the last 3 weeks than I have in a long time… I even found myself thinking about my relationship status and then was like, “Girl, GET YOURSELF TOGETHER!”  I’m too much of a BOSS to sulk about not having a “man” in my life.

Can you imagine a grown woman giving herself a pep talk, with full dialogue?  Jesus take the wheel, but sometimes you have to encourage your own self in the Lord. So my lovely family and friends, I bet there are some of you out there questioning God, like “When is it going to be my turn?”  Trust me friends, I bet that is one question God hears a lot.  I can imagine the Father in heaven anticipating those words throughout the day.  I know I’ve been guilty of uttering those words, “When am I going to meet my one and only?”  Friends, I even tried to make people fit that description in my life.  It never goes well, you cannot make someone fit into a God-ordained position not created for them.  And I’m worried that some of you, caught in the hype of this relationship focused season , are gonna find yourselves cuffing with the wrong person- creating soul ties with those who mean you no good.  You can’t force someone to love you, and you can’t force someone to step up and be who you need in a partner.  Wait on God.  Yeah, yeah I know those words are super cliche and that sometimes these are the words that cause anger to build quickly- but, please I beg you : Wait on Him!

Trust me, when you wait on God – things work out better!  When you try to do it yourself, things go wrong quickly and painfully.  I saw a meme on Insta the other day that made me laugh so hard.  It was a side by side of Beyonce in her VMA  dress  and another dude in a dress that was a hot mess trying to match Yonce’s slay with the caption “When you wait on God and when you try to do it yourself.”  I laughed so hard, it was so funny because that was one of the most accurate memes I’d seen in a while.  When we try to do things ourselves, we mess ourselves all the way up- but when we wait on God, He gives us the best and make His promises reflect beauty in our lives.  I’m not cuffed to anyone and to tell you the truth I don’t want to be.  I rather freely love than be bound and hooked to the wrong person.  I want to journey life with someone and not have to worry about them being faithful, or worry about them respecting me as an individual.  I don’t want to compete for their attention or try to make them care about me deeply.  I’ve been there, I’ve done that.  I’ve played the game and I lost miserably, because I operated out of myself and I did not wait on God.  So I know first hand from experience, it is better to wait on God than to try to create things for yourself. Wait on Him!!!

Ladies, watch who you cuff with and be careful who you choose to be your snuggle buddy! Like my momma/grandma use to say, “If you lay down with dogs, you’ll get up with fleas…” *sips tea* Be careful, darlings, be careful because you only need to give your heart to the wrong person one time, and it can mess you up for a long time.  So from one sister to another, watch and pray less you fall into temptation….

Anyways, love yourself.  Be confident.  Be content. Stay at ease.  Your time will come soon and when it does you’ll forget these moments you felt alone.  I love you guys so much and I’m praying for y’all.  We’re going to get through this together!!!! 🙂

Until next time,

Simone

BTWs: Start a hobby, get involved in your community, go out and have fun.  Boaz is not in your house, he’s out and about – go to the grocery store, you may meet him there. lol. Love y’all ❤

FIC:http://www.hercampus.com/sites/default/files/styles/full_width_embed/public/2014/10/13/cuffing-season-103013.jpg?itok=JWqExRj2

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In The Clouds

You know that moment when you almost loose yourself…
I lost myself, distracted in the company of another
but I felt the hand of God yank me back to reality-
Like, no girl- I didn’t make him for you.
I sense that yanking right now, pulling me out of fantasy developed in absence and back into the reality of waiting on you.
I chuckled to myself because I knew that this Holy repellent was working,
and there was no need for any searching because I already knew the answer…
You’re my John Smith and I’m your dark-skinned Poca
and this isn’t some Disney story line that’s been manipulated by a creative writer,
but a poem penned by a fighter who have fought for the chance at your heart.
Darling, I can’t remember the last time I penned your praises- or the last time I smiled because I knew I was where I was supposed to be.
Shhh… your secret is safe with me.
I held my tongue and I’ve zipped my lips,
but on the inside my heart is doing somersaults and flips- with pure joy and excitement of what’s to come.
You’re the one.
OMG! I can’t believe I just said that aloud
My heart is so proud to be claimed by you.
I’m so shy and I’m such a prude,
cheeks blushing at my confession-
heart pounding by this truth session,
that even a serum could not confuse.
I simply have nothing to lose-
by being completely free and transparent,
because it is apparent that I am totally and incandescently in love.
And why shouldn’t I be?
I spent so many years emotionally beaten-
beaten my the winds of rejection and insecurities.
Tossed by high winds and violent seas.
Spent so many years asking “why me?”
so many that I am physically exhausted by that question.
No longer accepting suggestions,
on how to live my life.
Torn by envy, dragged by strife- so now I’m in this good place,
in this good head space- I choose to celebrate,
what’s been placed into my hands.
I take a stand,
and I say “yes” to you.
No matter what, “I do.”
And it is with this conviction,
with this detailed attention –
that I give my all.
I’m no longer scared of the fall,
as I jump off this cliff.
I choose to allow my spirit to lift,
me into the clouds.
As I wait to hear the sound,
of your voice beckoning me.
Darling, I am free to be,
in you.

©Simone Holloway, 2016

Xtreme Protection

I believe that God goes through the extreme
to protect us from ourselves.
He makes it his biggest concern,
to keep us from falling off the shelves-
we call life.
He kept me from compromising my position as wife
within you heart.
It was so hard, to stay focused on what was to come
So He allowed me to become -
someone new.
Knowing that what I would go through-
would make it worth it in the end.
He even changed my group of friends,
and those guys I thought I could keep around for companionship-
He came and destroyed those relationships,
so that I could strip affection that was rightfully yours.
Tired of  all the  multiple wars,
that wage in my heart tonight.
Deciding what is wrong and  right-
I guess God has this way of protecting us ...
Because  in His word about you - I trust. 
©Simone Holloway, 2015

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