If You Want Me, Tell Me.

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers- 

Happy Monday!  We are in month two of Quarantine-mania.  I hope you all are well, safe and sound. STAY HOME!!! I cannot express that enough… please, I love you guys and I want for you and your families to be safe.  That being said, I thought it would be the perfect time for a post focusing on romantic relationships.  I mean… this is a relationship blog so, … yeah.   In my personal opinion, dating in 2020 was already something out of Survivor but with an added pandemic it feels like the Hunger Games.  What was once more personable has become increasingly more virtual with Facetime dates, lots of texting/flirting via emojis and a whole bunch of assumptions and misunderstandings. 

Do you remember the days when people used to tell you directly that they liked you?

 I mean, a guy back in the olden days would literally have a conversation with said desired girl and be like:  I like you a lot and I would like for you to be my girl/girlfriend/etc.  Whoo… look how times have changed, instead, we are left with a lot of unspoken/unexplained behavior and the Internet is telling us to determine the feelings of another through the act of a bunch of signs.  

I do not speak sign language.  If a person does not express their feelings for me to me, in my mind those feelings do not exist.  I used to spend so much energy on interpreting men’s behavior.  I would look at a pattern of behavior and jump to a conclusion about how a man felt about me only to be left disappointed after discovering, “Sis, you were wrong!”  To navigate the dating scene effectively, one must ask a lot of questions.  Here are several of my favorites: What are your definitions of the following categories: friendship, dating, exclusivity, relationships, commitment, courtship, etc.?  If someone is in a relationship with you, how do they know you would like to change the definition of that relationship?  Is honesty an important character trait for you?  How do you initiate breakups?  Are you a texter or do you prefer phone calls? What are your views on dating multiple people at one time?  Do you like me?  What do you see for the progression of this relationship?  Where are we going?  I am a big proponent of not wasting time, so I do not believe in treading a relationship in the dark. I want to know exactly what I am getting myself into, therefore, I ask questions.  

This is my rule:  If a man wants me romantically, he needs to tell me.  If he does not tell me his desires, I am not obligated to fulfill his secret heart expectations.  I am not committing myself to him. I am not assuming any secret title.  He is not my man.  I can date whoever I want and I am free to be pursued and return pursuit to that person who expresses their desire for me.  If you want me, tell me.  If a person wants something, they typically communicate their desire for that thing and they pursue after that desire.  If a person is not communicating their desire for you and they are not pursuing you, they do not want you.  Okay… I know this message may offend the hopeless romantics in my squad, those who watch Hallmark Movies as a blueprint for real life.  Sis, I get it.  I love romanticism, but I believe in pragmatism.

Why should we invest our time into someone who has not explicitly stated that they desired us romantically?  It’s like taking money to make a deposit at a bank where you are not sure you hold an account.  Why would you do that?  Why would you give time, money and attention to someone who cannot communicate their intentions and desires beyond interest? 

Being interested in someone and wanting a relationship with someone are two different things and both should be communicated by both parties.  

Sis or bro, why invest in someone or something that is not sure?  I make investments when I know there is a possibility for a return (reciprocity).  I do not believe we should subject ourselves to unrequited love.  Giving your heart to someone who does not want to love you romantically is emotionally unhealthy.  If he does NOT  say that he likes you as more than a friend then he does NOT like you more than a friend.  Those feelings you may be picking up through small actions that you perceive, do not exist. 

This mindset will save you from a lot of assumptions, will prompt more clear communication between you and your person of interest, and it will cause you to enter into romantic relationships with a new level of sobriety.  Having feelings for someone does not make one stupid, and I believe that as women we allow our emotions to reign over our intelligence ignoring what is being presented before us.  When we take the emotionalism out of dating and begin to study the person we are spending time with – we can make some difficult choices with a new level of ease.  

So, where is the hope in all of this?  It is my hope that each of you will begin to make better choices for your future.  It is my desire that you all will become more courageous, that you will ask the hard questions, and that you will begin to steward your emotional center to be an asset and not a liability in your dating adventures.  

Much love. 



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