I Am Too Proud To Beg

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers- 

Happy Pre-Christmas Week!  I’m home for the holidays and I can feel the hustle and bustle of excitement in the air.  It’s been a while since we’ve talked, so I thought I would share something with each of you tonight.

As I began to gear up for dinner prep, I began to think about the holidays as a whole.  As many of you know, I ended a long-term relationship this past July.  Before this final break up, I was stuck in this on again- off again whirlwind of a relationship.  I spent seven years devoted to this rescue project, who did not acknowledge my own value to invest the same.  It was a living nightmare.  The sad part of this whole fiasco was every Christmas I would do the absolute most to convince him that I was “it.”  It was as if in my mind the magic of Christmas would cure our toxic relationship.  Slowly but surely, I awakened to myself, and now I am convinced that I deserve better.

Ladies and gents, this is the first Christmas in a long time that I am truly single.  I mean single-single.  I am single in my mind, heart, body, I belong to God and me alone.  Christmas is not my favorite holiday because of whose attached to me (contrary to Hallmark Channel’s popular belief), neither does this holiday bring me joy because of who is sitting at my dinner table.  Christmas is my favorite holiday because its the day God in goodness full of love gave the world a gift that was too good for it:  His Son.  He loved me enough to give me a piece of himself. And if the Creator gave himself so freely, why on earth should I have to beg someone to love me well?  I don’t.  Point, blank, periodt!

Friends, it took me seven years to learn that I deserved better.  Seven long, teary-eyed, exhausting years.  Now that I recognize my worth, I’m not begging anyone else to.  I know that I’m beautiful,  I know that I’m dope, I know that I’m wife material.  I understand that I am God’s gift to humanity, that I’ve been fashioned in gentleness and grace, that my class and elevated thinking is one to die for.  I know who I am.  And this awareness of me has shifted my whole approach to relationships.  Friends, know thyself!  Recognize the goodness that lies within you and refuse to beg anyone else to see what’s inside- especially someone with no vision, no goals, no ambition and a little to no future.

Be too proud of yourself to beg!

Xoxo,

Simone

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Post-It Notes

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

Whether you are a romantic or not, I believe that we all like to feel appreciated and loved.  I know that I do! I love to write and the one way I express love when I have a significant other is to write notes.  Small post-it notes.  I love the thought of a small sentence that express the simple phrase “I love you.”  I would write notes such as “You are amazing.”, “There’s nothing you can’t do.”, and “I’m so blessed to have you…” just to name a few.  I would imagine my boyfriend’s face, as he found these small gestures, these love-filled notes.

I’ve wasted time, writing notes to individuals who did not appreciate my gesture of love. I’ve wasted so much time, but I’ve learned that love is not something that should only be given if sought after in return.  Love is meant to be given no matter what.  So I learned and I loved.  We always want to do the most as Valentine’s Day approaches, we find ourselves falling into the big gestures that lack true mening, we spout off three words that have come to mean nothing without action behind it and we find ourselves empty once February 15 dawns upon us.  So today, instead of loving to be loved in return: just love!  Love with everything.  Love in the small things, love in the big things.  Utilize your love language and like me do what you enjoy most to bring a smile to that person’s face.

I still write post- it notes and I still imagine smiles and all in all- I love without strings attached; knowing that I could never go wrong by spreading the love of God.  I wish you all a lovely day and hopefully we’ll talk soon.

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

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July 31, 2011

Hello Authentic Lovers

“There’s tension from the start

A fire warms our hands

Anger warms your heart

I looked over

Saw something new

Brows bent, voice raised, & cursing lips

It was a different you

Rude, furious, & vile

You no longer laughed

You no longer smiled

The craziness of it all

How arguments start small

They spread like wildfire

Like the poison of a liar

A seed sown; I could not till

All apart of Satan’s will

To distract, confuse and create chaos

Your heart broken, your hope lost

I a w k w a r d l y watched

As a horn *BLARED* my cue

That night left me

with a different picture of you

I left you angry

I left you lost

If only I knew

My action’s cost

If I only knew…

I would have never left you.

(c) Simone Holloway, 2014

Today’s poetry tells the story of an onlooker witnessing an argument between someone they know and someone else.  Situations allow us to see individuals in a different light, but all in all- we are never to cast judgement: we are supposed to be there for people during hard times.  When we witness hearts being broken and self-esteems being lost, we are to be present and speak a word of hope.  That’s our role in the earth, to be bearers of hope.  I learned this lesson when it was too late- I pray that you don’t do the same!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

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