Do You Know What’s Attractive?

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers- 

What’s up family?  Happy Friday!  Ladies and Gents, I’ve been in this really dope space where I’ve returned to the dating market.  Let’s just say that dating in 2019 is interesting, to say the least.  What I’ve learned in my short time back on the market is that we live in a culture that is obsessed with determining attraction.  We present our best selves on dates to be seen as attractive. We speak on relevant subjects to appear to be intellectually attractive. We make sure that we have a dope sense of humor because that would make our personalities more attractive.  So, the men I’m meeting look amazing on paper.  They have the chiseled looks, they are super smart and can even make me laugh but there are communication issues that make them less attractive.

You know, when you’re a boss you need something more than a great resume.  You need something more than a piece of eye candy- something more than something delicious to look at.  There has to be more!  I don’t know about each of you but I’m looking for something deeper.  What are his values?  What are his dreams?  What is his vision for life?  Yeah, the degree is great but what are we doing with that.  Yeah, the nice car is impressive but how do you treat the poor?  Ok, I see you’re the hotshot here at the parties but what is your reputation like in the marketplace?  Do you have a reputation of integrity or is it corrupt because of compromise? There has to be something more.

I’ve met so many representatives.  I’ve met the all-around guy, I’ve met the creative, I’ve met the musician,  and I’ve met the one with the ten-year plan but as I lifted the curtain of what’s been presented to me,  I saw that these dudes had some real issues.  They do not know how to communicate their desires.  They do not know how to let go of their past.  They do not know how to express their insecurities.  These dudes had everything but wholeness.  So, I resolved in my heart that I was going to add emotional maturity to my list.  The thing is, I don’t blame these men for not entering into wholeness.  Their whole lives, men have been groomed to shy away from vulnerability.  They’ve been taught to communicate through physical intimacy instead of verbally expressing what is on their heart.  They have been gender-shamed for expressing feelings and ridiculed for being clear and that is not right.  I blame society, I blame the culture, and I blame the home.

Do you know what’s attractive?  Emotional wholeness.  Emotional wholeness is hella attractive.  The ability to express vulnerability, to boast in weakness and the ability to state clearly what a person will or will not allow is attractive.  Standards are attractive.  Boundaries are attractive.  Clear communication is attractive.  Radical honesty is HELLA attractive and it makes a person extremely sexy.  The ability to be direct, concise and thorough is attractive.  Integrity is attractive.  Faith in God is attractive and the ability to hear and obey the voice of God is attractive. A fun,. down to earth person is so attractive.

Do you know what’s NOT attractive? Our dysfunction is not attractive.  Our inability to communicate is not attractive.  Passive-Aggressiveness is not attractive. Nagging is not attractive.  Being overly critical and nitpicky is not attractive. Being a Debbie Downer is not attractive.  Deception is not attractive and presenting representatives instead of being ourselves is not attractive.

Be yourself.  Be more than a good resume. Loves, be attractive!

Xoxo,

Simone

I Am Too Proud To Beg

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers- 

Happy Pre-Christmas Week!  I’m home for the holidays and I can feel the hustle and bustle of excitement in the air.  It’s been a while since we’ve talked, so I thought I would share something with each of you tonight.

As I began to gear up for dinner prep, I began to think about the holidays as a whole.  As many of you know, I ended a long-term relationship this past July.  Before this final break up, I was stuck in this on again- off again whirlwind of a relationship.  I spent seven years devoted to this rescue project, who did not acknowledge my own value to invest the same.  It was a living nightmare.  The sad part of this whole fiasco was every Christmas I would do the absolute most to convince him that I was “it.”  It was as if in my mind the magic of Christmas would cure our toxic relationship.  Slowly but surely, I awakened to myself, and now I am convinced that I deserve better.

Ladies and gents, this is the first Christmas in a long time that I am truly single.  I mean single-single.  I am single in my mind, heart, body, I belong to God and me alone.  Christmas is not my favorite holiday because of whose attached to me (contrary to Hallmark Channel’s popular belief), neither does this holiday bring me joy because of who is sitting at my dinner table.  Christmas is my favorite holiday because its the day God in goodness full of love gave the world a gift that was too good for it:  His Son.  He loved me enough to give me a piece of himself. And if the Creator gave himself so freely, why on earth should I have to beg someone to love me well?  I don’t.  Point, blank, periodt!

Friends, it took me seven years to learn that I deserved better.  Seven long, teary-eyed, exhausting years.  Now that I recognize my worth, I’m not begging anyone else to.  I know that I’m beautiful,  I know that I’m dope, I know that I’m wife material.  I understand that I am God’s gift to humanity, that I’ve been fashioned in gentleness and grace, that my class and elevated thinking is one to die for.  I know who I am.  And this awareness of me has shifted my whole approach to relationships.  Friends, know thyself!  Recognize the goodness that lies within you and refuse to beg anyone else to see what’s inside- especially someone with no vision, no goals, no ambition and a little to no future.

Be too proud of yourself to beg!

Xoxo,

Simone

Post-It Notes

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

Whether you are a romantic or not, I believe that we all like to feel appreciated and loved.  I know that I do! I love to write and the one way I express love when I have a significant other is to write notes.  Small post-it notes.  I love the thought of a small sentence that express the simple phrase “I love you.”  I would write notes such as “You are amazing.”, “There’s nothing you can’t do.”, and “I’m so blessed to have you…” just to name a few.  I would imagine my boyfriend’s face, as he found these small gestures, these love-filled notes.

I’ve wasted time, writing notes to individuals who did not appreciate my gesture of love. I’ve wasted so much time, but I’ve learned that love is not something that should only be given if sought after in return.  Love is meant to be given no matter what.  So I learned and I loved.  We always want to do the most as Valentine’s Day approaches, we find ourselves falling into the big gestures that lack true mening, we spout off three words that have come to mean nothing without action behind it and we find ourselves empty once February 15 dawns upon us.  So today, instead of loving to be loved in return: just love!  Love with everything.  Love in the small things, love in the big things.  Utilize your love language and like me do what you enjoy most to bring a smile to that person’s face.

I still write post- it notes and I still imagine smiles and all in all- I love without strings attached; knowing that I could never go wrong by spreading the love of God.  I wish you all a lovely day and hopefully we’ll talk soon.

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

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July 31, 2011

Hello Authentic Lovers

“There’s tension from the start

A fire warms our hands

Anger warms your heart

I looked over

Saw something new

Brows bent, voice raised, & cursing lips

It was a different you

Rude, furious, & vile

You no longer laughed

You no longer smiled

The craziness of it all

How arguments start small

They spread like wildfire

Like the poison of a liar

A seed sown; I could not till

All apart of Satan’s will

To distract, confuse and create chaos

Your heart broken, your hope lost

I a w k w a r d l y watched

As a horn *BLARED* my cue

That night left me

with a different picture of you

I left you angry

I left you lost

If only I knew

My action’s cost

If I only knew…

I would have never left you.

(c) Simone Holloway, 2014

Today’s poetry tells the story of an onlooker witnessing an argument between someone they know and someone else.  Situations allow us to see individuals in a different light, but all in all- we are never to cast judgement: we are supposed to be there for people during hard times.  When we witness hearts being broken and self-esteems being lost, we are to be present and speak a word of hope.  That’s our role in the earth, to be bearers of hope.  I learned this lesson when it was too late- I pray that you don’t do the same!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

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