The Letter

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers- 

My thoughts are hot of the presses and I’m excited to share with you the raw, the real and the now.  Today was all about cleaning.  I recently moved home to prep for my next, but for the last three weeks or so, I’ve been sleeping with boxes all around me.  Clothes are strewn all over the floor as my anxiety is increasingly heightened by not being able to find what I want to wear.  Tucked in a corner is a plastic bag full of paper: scriptures, prophecies, business cards, song lyrics, and other pages are all gathered in a messy heap ready to be sorted by yours truly.

As I reached my hand into the bag, I pulled out a letter I wrote to God about five years ago.  This letter was one of gratitude, thanking Him for always being with me and for showing me the road ahead.  At the end of the letter, I began to thank God for my ex, the possibility of our children (what we discussed together) and the businesses we would run as we took over the world for good.  I was thanking God for the life I thought He commissioned for me, the life I thought I would live.  Fast forward five years, and I do not have that life.  I am not with that person anymore, I do not have any children and those businesses do not exist.  My life now doesn’t match the hope for my life in that letter.  It’s crazy how things change.  Who knew that 11 mos ago, I would enter into a season of singleness, would forsake all desire for children and would find myself trying to figure out what I was going to do. Once upon a time, I was so sure, now I’m peering into the future like “God is this really for me?  “Can we actually do this?”  Can we actually dream again about this buried desire: the desire to be both wife and mother. Can we return here?  In gentleness, He whispers “Yes.  Yes, we can.”  “We can revisit this place in your heart, my love,  do not be afraid.”

“But How?”  my hearts screams out.  “How can we return to a place I never got to.  I almost got there, I thought I was there but I failed… I never got there.”  In love, He grabs my hand and whispers, “Your only failure would have been to marry someone who was never designed to love you.  To procreate with someone who did not have the capacity to be a father and to enter into a business partnership with someone with no integrity.  Babygirl, you did not fail.  You succeeded!  For you chose your future over your present and you chose what was hard over what was easy.  You said Yes even though the cost was your heart. You, my dear, can return to this place…”

Today, I look at the letter as an obituary of the life I thought I would live.  I mourn the union someone promised, the blueprints for businesses I envisioned and the picture-perfect family described.  I mourn what I thought I needed to be complete, to be whole.  I mourn what I thought I wanted to secure happiness.  I have found that my “Yes” to God has always been the answer.  I’ve found that my ability to walk away from what I prayed for is what makes me brave, my ability to be grateful in the new, in the unknown is what gives me strength and my sweet surrender is what makes me His, and His alone.  I cry as I reflect on the past but I am so hopeful for the future, because anything we give up for Christ including our dreams, He returns it 100 fold in this lifetime and the life to come.  I don’t know why I am sharing my process with you.  I wish I had some neat and tidy ending that describe this perfect healing process but I don’t.  All I have is the truth, and the truth is God is good even when our hearts are broken.  God is good even when plans change.  God is good even when we don’t understand our way.  In every season, in every moment, He is good and that in itself is worthy of a simple ‘Thank you!” 

He’s good, He’s God and because I’m His, I am going to be okay.

Xoxo,

Simone

FIC: http://kaizenjournaling.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/large_3584131250.jpg

Lesson Learned

what’s the point of being hurt

if you gain nothing from it

I learned that pain can be used

to fuel healing to a lowly spirit

what’s the point of making mistakes

if you repeat them over and over again

I learned that in over to move forward

I had to live different, my friend

a lesson learned is a well learned lesson

a phrase my mom would say

I didn’t understand these word’s significance

until I crossed a similar path one day

I opened my heart and surrendered

to one who thought I was a fool

who would know that this heartbreak

would be my inner “me” greatest tool

I cried until I grew

I sobbed until I became strong

I knew that if I kept on striving

It wouldn’t be long

long before I move on

long before I overcome

the lesson that I learned

made me victorious, darling I won

(c) Simone Holloway, 2015

Featured Image Credit: https://s-media-cache-ak0.pinimg.com/736x/a6/52/a6/a652a662767cb20da506ae5254ae0023.jpg

An Artist

I am an artist

An artist I am

A calligrapher of change

A painter of strength

A sculptor of hope

I am an artist,

An artist I am

No I don’t paint

No I don’t own canvas

No I don’t carry pounds of clay with me

Nor is charcoal my “fav” accessory

Yet, I am an artist

An artist I am

I paint on the hearts of many

With the words I speak

I sculpt ideas

With every stroke of every key

And yet, money is not sent to me

But, still… I am an artist

An artist I am

I draw on the imagination of your mind

Knowing that in time…

My words will make memories

Will set souls free

Yet, I don’t have a gallery

But I am an artist

An artist I am

SO BE NOT confused

With what you see

Or what you think

Or what you are accustomed to

Because, BOO- I am an artist

An artist I am

I am

I am

An Artist

❤ Mo

“Copyright, Sept 6. 2014, Mo”

Featured Image Credit : http://www.1st-art-gallery.com/Architecture/Studios-And-Workshops-2.html

 

 

It’s Just A Test

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

Today is usually Freedom Friday but we are going to do something different for this week.  Today, I’m going to spend some time encouraging you.  Next week, we will resume with sharing stories that exemplify freedom.  Sit back, read and enjoy!  

Have you ever been in a situation where they seemed to be no way out?  There seems to be no hope of things getting better?  

What do you do?  

Have you ever prayed and heard God say nothing?  Or, have you ever had to trust/ believe God in spite of what you see?  

Friends, I am in the place in my relationship with God where I have to follow Him even when I don’t see Him guiding me.  I have to trust in His promises even when I don’t hear His voice.  I think that sometimes God is silent on purpose to test the intentions of our hearts.  It’s like He wants to see if we will love Him in spite of what we are going through, in spite of what we are dealing with.  I’m here to encourage you and let you know that what you are going through is only a test, a test of faith/belief.  

You know, it’s one thing to say you have faith in something, but it’s another to put that faith into practice.  Sometimes, God doesn’t move the way we think He should in our situations.  This doesn’t mean that God can’t move in our situation ( He can do all things), maybe He is choosing a different way to move.  It’s easy to doubt that God cares and that He’s concerned during these times of silence, but we must not give up our faith in God.  God use these times of silence to test our belief, it is in these moments that we discover if we truly believe God’s word- our words are tested during hard times.  

 Now faith is confidence in what we hope for and assurance about what we do not see. (Hebrews 11:1 NIV)

What you are going through is just a test.  You can make it!  You can win! Keep believing in God’s word, keep trusting Him because before you know it- He’s going to work everything out!  Yes, He will. 

Until next time, 

Mo 🙂 

Move Forward & Overcome

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

I decided to write to you guys once again, think of it as a part II to my post from earlier today.  In this moment in time, we are going to talk about moving forward-let’s move forward together.   We have left our past behind, we are no longer looking in our rearview mirrors – so now we are taking steps to move to what’s ahead.   In fact, I dare you to get up from your seat; whether you are sitting inf front your desk at work or in front of your home computer.  I dare you to get up, turn and take a step forward in a new direction.  How did you feel?  When you took that step, did you feel a sense of empowerment?  A sense of change? 

Moving Forward

When we say goodbye to our past and we turn our lives into a new direction; we feel empowered, we feel adventurous, sometimes we even feel afraid.  Moving forward can be the best thing that we ever do, because as we began to move we gain strength to overcome adversity.  The strength to be all that we are destined to be comes from our moving forward.  The boldness to speak our minds, comes from moving forward. We have to move forward. So, I encourage you to do two things- leave your past behind and move forward.  Those two things go hand-in hand and you must complete both to walk in to the newness of life.  May you be strengthened to be all that God has designed for you to be. May you be strengthened to change the world. May you be strengthened to change the world!  Move forward to overcome. 

Until next time, 

Mo 🙂