Psst…I have a secret- I have fallen head over heels in love. Yep, your girl has fallen like a leaf leaving a tree in love. I am head over heels, young and dumb & in love. The problem I keep considering in my head is what if I fall out of love? What happens then? When I fall out of love, does that mean that all the incredible things I thought abut the guy does not apply? If he was nice when I fell in love, once I’m out is he not a nice person anymore? This process is so confusing . I think someone should write a manual for people like me, oh wait- they have. This is the root of our problems, the many different definitions of what love should and should not be. The root of all of our newbie lovers problems are the politics of falling in and out of love.
I use the word politics loosely, really loosely. I use the word politics because like politics the opinions of falling in and out of love are so diverse. One expert says one thing, another expert says something different contradicting the first expert’s statements about love. As a young single girl, this falling in & out of love “rule book” is so confusing. Why do we even use these terms, what does it mean to fall? Doesn’t falling hurt? What happens when you hit the ground? Isn’t the fall scary? And how do handle the end of this trip we call love? These are very important questions, that I believe needs to be answered. I have scoured the Internet and my favorite magazines such as Glamour, Cosmo, Seventeen, and Vogue, in search for answers to my pondering questions. After reading possibly every relationship article known to man, I realized that this phenomenon we call falling in love is actually something else. It’s what I like to call the thrill of Infatuation. When we are infatuated with someone we experience the same symptoms- we can’t eat, sleep; that person is always on our minds, and we drive ourselves crazy hoping and praying that the person we have fallen for feels the same way about us. It’s exhausting and slightly insane. That is exactly what it is.
Here’s God’s perspective about the whole falling in and falling out thing, first of all love is not something you fall into as if it’s by chance but rather a door that you choose to walk through. Whoa hold on, hear me out! What? We make a choice to love someone? Yes, that is exactly what I am saying. Love is a door that one actively chooses to walk through. When I am “falling” for someone I am choosing to place their needs above my own. I am choosing to constantly have them on my mind. I am choosing to have many phone conversations, to enjoy their company and to basically center my time around theirs. Love is a choice. The reason people “fall out” of love is because they were never truly in love with these individuals in the first place. Love is sacrificial, it requires something of one’s self to work. Love is patient, it’s kind. It does not envy or boast. It does not delight in lying or deceit but loves the truth(1 Corinthians 13:4-6). Love is a choice. When you choose to share your heart because you care about someone you are actively walking through the door of love. When you sacrifice your time for someone you are not “falling in love” as if you have been pushed over a bridge, but rather you have made up in your mind that you like this person because of various qualities/traits and that you are going to try to love them the best that you can. Jesus did not fall in love with us, He chose to love us. Period.
When you love someone- you love them, regardless whether they truly love you back or not. True love is selfless not allowing you to fall out of love. So I might have stepped on a few toes tonight or I might have offended some with my words. Hey it happens! You can’t please everyone. I hope that this perspective can be helpful to those like me who needs as much direction as anyone. My go to advice- Mark the perfect man. Since the perfect man is Christ, I strive to mirror His type of love :SELFLESS. This comes with time, experience and practice but once it’s mastered it will absolutely change your life. Thanks for talking with me.
Until next time,