The Choice

I made a choice to wait for you.

I made a conscious decision to wait- and even though the insides of my heart aches

I still made a choice.

Do I have regrets?

I say no as I’m visibly upset that you are not here .

Have I made myself absolutely clear?

Your presence or lack thereof is breaking me.

I’m breaking slowly,

as I reminisce on my time with you.

I don’t even think you know the effect you have on me

as I sit in this rain bath

and laugh

because I remember smiling in the rain with you.

I remember windows being down and reggae playing on the radio

as the summer heavens unleashed it’s tears to the earth –

and now I unleash tears, rivers and rivers of tears…

yet I made the choice.

If it was up to Momma, you would be forgotten.

Up to Daddy you would be dead, it it was up to my lovely sister

you would be kicked in the head – yet it was I that placed time and my life on the line

and I chose you.

The sacrifice was real, the feelings true-

I gave all of myself for the chance to love you.

It was my choice and now I’m living with the pain I accepted.

Look at what I adopted, my faux bundle of joy-

more like package of sorrow- but there’s always tomorrow

and maybe then God will allow change to come.

©Simone Holloway, 2016

 

The Cycle Is Broken

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

It’s been awhile since I have written a God-inspired piece for you all.  I’ve been in this relational poetry kick and that’s where my head has been over the past few days.

I just came out of my prayer closet and I went into prayer as a mechanism to get the Enemy before he got me.  Sometimes we wait for the attack to reach out to God, when with strategy we should work preemptively in the spirit realm.  I don’t know if anyone is feeling like me, but I am so tired of seeing the same demons in different forms.  I’m so tired of dealing with the same issues, of fighting the same battles- I’m tired of the cycle.  So tonight, I went into prayer in order to war.  I told the Lord, I’m not leaving this prayer time with you until this “root”, cycle breaks in the spirit realm.  I don’t want to see these same demons anymore.

I think we all have to get to this place with God, where we refuse to take “no” for an answer.  We refuse to accept our children will not come to Christ. We refuse to accept that we will live a life in poverty.  We refuse to accept that the enemy can come in whatever season he feels like it and torment/harass us with demons of our past and previous temptations.  We have to come to a place where we say “enough is enough” and “I am coming for you.”   We do not operate in our own strength but in the strength of our Lord, Jesus Christ who victoriously conquered  hell, death and the grave.  I’m tired of accepting things that should not be and I decided that tonight, I was going to do something about it.

So family, I sat my car and began to pray.  I prayed in my prayer language (also called the “Holy Ghost”) and went to war.  I said God, I will sit here and wait on you to break the cycle- to wipe the residue to make those connected to me free.  After I felt that breaking in the spirit realm, I sat and listened to hear from Him.  He dropped Exodus 14:13 in my spirit and whispered these words to me “the cycle is broken.” Tears welled up in my eyes and joy filled my heart because I knew that God honored my prayers tonight.

So I come to encourage you to declare and decree that over your life- “the cycle is broken.” No matter what it seems like, no matter what it looks like- I don’t even care about the situation feels like: the cycle is broken.  You are free. You are delivered.  You are whole and nothing can erase what God has done in the earth concerning you.  The cycle is broken, the appetite is gone, the desire for sin is extinguished- the enemy you have seen today you will see no more.  It’s finished. It’s done and it is completely broken.

 

Until next time,

Simone

In The Clouds

You know that moment when you almost loose yourself…
I lost myself, distracted in the company of another
but I felt the hand of God yank me back to reality-
Like, no girl- I didn’t make him for you.
I sense that yanking right now, pulling me out of fantasy developed in absence and back into the reality of waiting on you.
I chuckled to myself because I knew that this Holy repellent was working,
and there was no need for any searching because I already knew the answer…
You’re my John Smith and I’m your dark-skinned Poca
and this isn’t some Disney story line that’s been manipulated by a creative writer,
but a poem penned by a fighter who have fought for the chance at your heart.
Darling, I can’t remember the last time I penned your praises- or the last time I smiled because I knew I was where I was supposed to be.
Shhh… your secret is safe with me.
I held my tongue and I’ve zipped my lips,
but on the inside my heart is doing somersaults and flips- with pure joy and excitement of what’s to come.
You’re the one.
OMG! I can’t believe I just said that aloud
My heart is so proud to be claimed by you.
I’m so shy and I’m such a prude,
cheeks blushing at my confession-
heart pounding by this truth session,
that even a serum could not confuse.
I simply have nothing to lose-
by being completely free and transparent,
because it is apparent that I am totally and incandescently in love.
And why shouldn’t I be?
I spent so many years emotionally beaten-
beaten my the winds of rejection and insecurities.
Tossed by high winds and violent seas.
Spent so many years asking “why me?”
so many that I am physically exhausted by that question.
No longer accepting suggestions,
on how to live my life.
Torn by envy, dragged by strife- so now I’m in this good place,
in this good head space- I choose to celebrate,
what’s been placed into my hands.
I take a stand,
and I say “yes” to you.
No matter what, “I do.”
And it is with this conviction,
with this detailed attention –
that I give my all.
I’m no longer scared of the fall,
as I jump off this cliff.
I choose to allow my spirit to lift,
me into the clouds.
As I wait to hear the sound,
of your voice beckoning me.
Darling, I am free to be,
in you.

©Simone Holloway, 2016

Until The Very Last Minute

How BIG is your faith?

How CRAZY are you willing to look?

Crazy enough to get CRAZY results?

How BIG is your God?

Does your FAITH truly reflect how big He is?

These last few days, I learned a big lesson regarding faith.  I learned that faith only produces results in the absence of fear and with the unction of obedience.  I think that I am coming into this special relationship with the Lord, where I follow his lead in my life.  To tell you the truth, I trust him to the point of automatic submission.   This weekend was one of those weekends when you have something planned, but you have no idea how things are going to come together.  I was scheduled to arrive in  Chi-town for a law school reception, but a lot of unfortunate events begin to shake my faith regarding my departure.

First, the money that I was supposed to use for the trip never came.  I was promised some bonus money from my job, but the amount was cut severely short.  I planned to fly, but the flight I needed was sold out and all the other flights from home to Chi-town were almost double what I could afford.  I was offered a discount rate for a hotel room but the rates was still pricey considering the downtown location of the school.  Money was the BIG obstacle standing in my way of going to this reception.  I prayed on it and I said “Father, if this is Your will, work everything out.”  I looked for change on yesterday, and nothing happened- I heard nothing from the Lord.  All I could do was wait and implore of Him again.  My bestie/big sis and I prayed together and agreed that whatever the Lord’s will turned out to be- we will wait out the results and trust him.  I sat on my bed, I got the prices of what everything would cost and I placed that concern at the feet of Jesus.  To prove that I believed that God could change my circumstance, I even packed a bag and when my mom and dad asked if I was still going to Chi-town – I said “Yes.”  I didn’t know how I was going to get there, had no clue what I was going to do once I got there- but I believed in God so much to the point that I knew He would back my confession.

I woke up this morning, not with an answer but with a heart of faith, a mind that was determined and complete trust in the will of God.  Even to the very last minute,  I confessed out of my mouth- “I’m going to Chi-town for this law school reception.”

Now, family and friends I am writing to you as I am traveling to Chicago.  Everything worked out; the travel, the hotel, and I have everything I need for when I arrive to my destination.  Sometimes, you have to operate out of faith and not out of  the reality of what something appears to be.  Children of God, we speak about faith and trust, but do we truly live these principles out?  We live life out of convenience- blocked from truly seeing the hand of God move for us because we are so uncomfortable moving out of not knowing what is to come.

The greatest adventures are the scariest ones and the most rewarding memories are those that we never thought we would have.

Until next time,

Simone.

Heb 11:1