I made a choice to wait for you.

I made a conscious decision to wait- and even though the insides of my heart aches

I still made a choice.

Do I have regrets?

I say no as I’m visibly upset that you are not here .

Have I made myself absolutely clear?

Your presence or lack thereof is breaking me.

I’m breaking slowly,

as I reminisce on my time with you.

I don’t even think you know the effect you have on me

as I sit in this rain bath

and laugh

because I remember smiling in the rain with you.

I remember windows being down and reggae playing on the radio

as the summer heavens unleashed it’s tears to the earth –

and now I unleash tears, rivers and rivers of tears…

yet I made the choice.

If it was up to Momma, you would be forgotten.

Up to Daddy you would be dead, it it was up to my lovely sister

you would be kicked in the head – yet it was I that placed time and my life on the line

and I chose you.

The sacrifice was real, the feelings true-

I gave all of myself for the chance to love you.

It was my choice and now I’m living with the pain I accepted.

Look at what I adopted, my faux bundle of joy-

more like package of sorrow- but there’s always tomorrow

and maybe then God will allow change to come.

©Simone Holloway, 2016