With Everything Inside…

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers-

“With everything inside…” those were the words of a song I wrote Christmas Day, 2017. It was a random expression of how I felt about the Father. My dad’s friend sat at the piano and I just began to sing, “With everything inside, I will offer you my worship…” These words came from a place of freedom, I felt safe and free to sing what I heard in my heart.

The thought came to me… when was the last time I felt free? I mean, really free. The freedom to sing, the freedom to song-write, the freedom to just be different in the midst of a crowd that wants me to be the same. The last time I was truly free was at the beginning of the year when I was writing more and expressing the love I received with the world. Then, like many stories, pain met me and threw me off course. I stopped writing, I stopped singing, I started to withhold my worship. With everything became with some things and then with some things became with nothing. I had nothing to offer, nothing to bring and nothing to say.

Today, I listened to a few voice memos and started to reflect on the songs the Lord gave me. I listened and was immediately transported to those moments of prayer, worship, and authenticity. I was reminded of a piece of myself that was lying dead from pain- my heart’s posture as a worshipper and a songwriter. It’s crazy how good God really is. Like, when I take time to think about His awesomeness, I’m enthralled in this ugly cry place of gratitude. I’m thankful that in love, he reminded me of my identity in him. I’m his writer and that is enough!

So… lovelies, I encourage you to go to the moments where you felt free. Learn from those moments, reflect on those moments and find your time with Him again. Be His first and let everything else come as a result of loving Him more. Always remember that He loves you deeply!

Xoxo,

Simone

Things We Learn From Movies….

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers-

Have you ever watched a movie, invested in it and then at the end was left disappointed? Literally, my life ten minutes ago.  I checked out a new film, invested two hours and fifteen minutes into the film, but by the time I got to the end I was like “OMG ARE YOU FREAKING KIDDING ME?” It was as I was #AvengersInfinityWar’d all over again!  But, Ladies and Gents- that feeling of disappointment matches some of the relationships I chose.  I entered into these relationships:  excited, intrigued and overwhelmed with the hype of who their representative swore to be but by the time I got to the root of the substance that lied within the individual, I was quickly disappointed.  It’s nothing worse than wasting time, especially in people.  How many of us were attracted or intrigued by an individual and when push came to shove, was ultimately disappointed by what we invested into?  This is something, I’ve experienced and I these are the thoughts I would like to share with you.

So…why are we attracted to the shallow and insufficient?  Why do we jump all the way into things without testing the weightiness of it?  I think all of my experiences were rooted in fear.  Fear of being alone.  Fear of not connecting with someone in the same way.  Fear that nothing better will come along.  The crazy thing about fear is that it will have us dancing on the line of desperation, in an effort to control what’s next.  I think that we jump too soon because we’re scared that we’re going to miss out because of time.  Time like sand slips through our fingers and we feel this anxious clock hovering over us telling us who we should be by a certain year. I ran into relationships because of these fears and I was disappointed because I invested in something without counting the costs. I made decisions out of my fears and I was disappointed.  However, the Father promises that if we place our trust in Him, we will never be disappointed.  God choices do not disappoint.  Choices construed out of myself, feelings, and fears are going to disappoint me every single time.

What I love about God is that He doesn’t get mad at us if we choose wrong, but instead He reveals to us what we need so that we can choose right.  He does not disappoint us, we disappoint ourselves!  So… let us move forward and let us make the God-choice where it concerns relationships!  Let us choose what He desires and we won’t find ourselves disappointed.

“… those who hope in me will not be disappointed.” Isaiah 49:23

Xoxo,

Simone

FIC: http://www.patrickbetdavid.com/wp-content/uploads/2016/10/movies-red.jpg

Was It Worth It?

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers- 

Good evening.  Tonight’s post was hard to write, for it forced me to face another level of vulnerability within myself.  Transparency makes me slightly uncomfortable but I’ve resolved that to live the life the Father has created for me, I must be transparent.  I don’t know if it’s been noticeable, but I have been pretty silent on this platform.  The fact of the matter was the passion I had for this blog 4 years have diminished greatly.  It was no fault of WordPress or even of you all, my blog family, ultimately it dwindled to the absence of passion for life.  Have you ever been in something for so long, you didn’t realize that you no longer found joy in it?  That was the place I found myself in, stuck in this grind for success that I hit a brick wall of pros and cons to why I should continue in this race.

Everything I loved to do became a chore.  Reading became a burden as  I read 100s of pages for class, writing became a nightmare as I realized that my style didn’t add up to academia, singing became an obligation and reminder of imperfection, even serving the Father seemed like a weight that was too heavy to bear.  I lost myself in the day to day routine of trying to become something so that I can finally act on what I felt called to do.  Frankly, I got to the crossroads of my purpose and hated what I witnessed.  Then regret began to sink in: regrets for orchestrating my whole life toward a certain career, regrets for choosing a lifestyle void of an intimate relationship to abstain from distraction, regrets for choosing to do what’s honorable when wronged, regrets for making certain vows to the Lord, regrets for obeying what He has asked of me,  just a whole lot of regret for what seemed to be wasted time…

The concept of waste is a real one for me, for I have invested countless things and it seems like there was no return.  I wonder if there is anyone like me:  you’ve sacrificed time, energy, money into things and people and it seems like there was no return.  What a waste, right? Wrong.  Tonight I had to come to the reality that all that I’ve done was not in vain, that my pursuit of the hard thing over what was convenient and comfortable was indeed worth it! The Father has seen every stride towards purpose and to him, all my sacrifices were sufficient.

I believe that the moment we see our lives as a giant garden, filled with seeds of actions sown to better those around us – we’ll keep planting even in the hard times.  Seeds appear to be dead before they bloom, and what we sow now will reap us a harvest later.  All that we’ve experienced will reap a harvest in the season to come!  I am reminded of Jesus’ action of dying on the cross, his sacrifice is reaping the harvest of salvation even today.   Friends, if I can encourage you with anything- your hard work, your choice of what’s right, your pursuit of the Father, and your continuous love for people is worth every second.  In spite of what circumstances want to convince you of, may you be persuaded that a harvest is coming- a harvest of “success”, continual joy and fulfillment, and everything you need to change your world. May you be reminded that your good deeds are not in vain and may you continue in this race to the finished line.

My passion for life has been renewed, for the Giver of Life lifts me up and encourages me to remain in my pursuit. He reminds me of His faithfulness and nudges me with His goodness.  He speaks words of wisdom and comfort to combat my troubled heart, caressing away every fear.  In Him lies all joy and his truth reminds me that I am equipped to do all He’s placed in my hands.

Friends, I’ve battled so many relational issues in the past months, and I would love to share my thoughts with you.  I don’t know about each of you, but it seems like this painful place was designed to grow me in my pursuit of the Father- to teach me what to do and what not to do.  Seasons like these are not only critical but absolutely necessary to evolve.  It is the winter that seeds are sown, surviving the harsh weather in preparation for spring.  Life has been a giant winter season: dark, cold and slightly discouraging but spring is coming and because of that there is hope.

I look forward to sharing many things with each of you in the near distant future!

Until next time,

Simone

FIC: https://www.thespruce.com/how-deeply-should-seeds-be-planted-2539711

📷 Credit: Roger Spooner/The Image Bank/Getty Images

Creators Unite: 2018 is the Age of the Creative!

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

As 2017 begins to wind down, and this year quickly comes to an end.  I don’t know about each of you but this year (for some) was one void of inspiration and creative flow.  I spoke with some of my other friends who are creatives, and they expressed a great disdain for this year in regards to their creative ability.  Again for some, 2017 was the year of the creative block.  Artists, writers, innovators, struggled to imagine again.  We saw this inward turmoil when we looked to the films released, the music heard and even the articles written about our favorite celebrity icons.  It was as if the creative breath of our nation, left with the new presidency and the hope of good, imaginative thought took a downward turn.  Don’t get me wrong this is not a political blog and the new year is not going to change that, but 2017 for a lack of better words : purely, ardently SUCKED!  It was a taxing year of tension between struggle and progression and society once again found skepticism in the intentions of good spoken by humanity.

This year alone, I wrote less than the year before.  I lacked inspiration, hope, time and ingenuity and frankly loss my love for the written art form.  The greatest tragedy is for a creator to lose the ability to create again. I bet those with one-hit wonders could identify with that statement, and too long for the day when they can create something new.  That is my heart’s desire to create something new, to be an endless stream of creative thoughts and ideas in my pursuit to demonstrate love to those around me.  The same old- same old, is BORING and  my attention span for what is lackluster has expired.  I want to create, and I want to create something legendary.  Even some of you, my friends, I watched you hit a glass ceiling with creativity as your posts began to be more prolonged and your woes more apparent.  I have great news… I believe that the year coming is the year for the creatives!  It’s going to be a year of renewed vision, more innovative ideas, and just a stream of creative output.  It’s the age of the Creative!

So… was that a diatribe against 2017?  I guess it was… though I am grateful for 2017, for God has been extremely good to me, it has been extremely hard filled with intense pain.  Yet, the pain I’ve experienced, did not kill me.  I’m here, I’m grateful and I’m ready!  I’m ready to hit the ground running, looking to unite as we create together.  Creators Unite!  For it is our time to shape and influence the world, and the works we set now will be admired for generations to come!

Thank you to each of you for believing in me!  I appreciate every comment, read post, shared post and I love each of you for it!

I believe in each of you.  I believe in your work, your writing, your heart’s desire for good and I wish you the best this coming year.  Are you a creator?  If so, this is your time!  

Much love,

Simone 

©Simone Holloway, 2017

Lack of Time

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

How are you guys doing?  It’s been crazy here at law school! Absolutely insane.  I feel like I do not have enough hours in my day.  I just finished a 12 hour work/school day and there is still so much to do. The older I get, the more I understand the fleeting characteristics of time.  I read somewhere (shows you how much time I have to read) that in certain places, individuals get to experience a 25-hr day.  #blessed.  I wish I could have an extra 60  minutes in my day.

What would I do with an extra 60 minutes?

 

Well… I would love more, travel more, finish more case readings and briefs, I just might find some time for a show on Netflix.  Man, oh man- I would just relax and chill more.  I did not realize how life consuming my days would become.  I thought I mentally prepared for this moment, I did not.

Do you guys know what I want?

I want a free day that involves having to do nothing, or possibly a zoo day.  Ooh that would be fun! A day at the zoo just relaxing with animals all around. I’ll have to schedule that adventure in…

Anyways… I barely have time to maintain this blog and I love blogging.  I love it so much and as I sit and write to you all this evening, this moment becomes even more special.  It is a special day when I can scrape up enough time to blog.  It is a special day when I can send a quick text saying I love you to my sis.  It is a special day when I can think about going out on a date ( I said think…lol). My time is so precious and it is a commodity of myself that I cannot afford to waste.

With gratitude, I type these strokes on my keyboard and thank God for a moment to breathe.  Take a moment, I promise it will make you feel better!

Until next time,

Simone

FIC: http://www.lynnegolodner.com/wp-content/uploads/timeflies.jpg

Nerves & Excitement

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers – 

This is finally happening. I am leaving home to pursue a career in law.  I move from my parent’s house to my own place in a few days and I am filled with nerves, excitement, and a whole bunch of feelings that I cannot even begin to understand.  I thought I would be facing this moment a couple of years ago, but the plan of God was different and He destined that I leave this year to begin that phase of my future.

As I think about the days to come, I am speechless as I grasp the idea of leaving my family, church family and all I know behind.  I’m utterly on my own, alone as I push toward my dreams.I am going to a place that my friends cannot go with me, even the one I loved more than life could not go and I’ve been placed in a position where it’s me and God for the long run.  I tried to busy myself so I would not have to grapple with these facts, thinking that if my mind is not idle- I can pretend that this transition did not effect me.  But as I am writing this evening, I feel tears threatening to be released from the prison of my eyes- I realize that this is it! This is exactly what I asked  for, prayed for , believed for… and instead of fear I should be filled with courage as i walk into this new place.

Courage.  I want to be courageous- I’ve been prepping for these days for two years and have met more hardships than anyone would ever understand.  I found out over the span of two years who were my friends and who were counterfeits.  I discovered that the word family means different things to different people.  I became guarded. I dumped the practice of being naive and I learned that in life you have to fight for what you want and sometimes you just have to cry it out.  You have to cry out disappoint, you have to cry out fear, you have to cry  and shed as many tears as possible to cleanse the soul.  Sometimes you have to cry to heal and sometimes you have to walk alone so that you can finally learn yourself.

There comes a time in our lives where we have to love ourselves first, so that we can love others.  There comes a time when we have to believe in our dreams, when no one else does.  Finally, sometimes we have to become prisoners of hope and hope for the best regardless of how everything around us is trying to steal that hope.  I fought for where I am, a J.D. candidate in the class of 2019 and I have so much more fighting to do.  I will fight until the end when I am sitting on a judge’s seat making the wrongs of our society right again.  Becoming a lawyer is the next step in the line of many  and the best is yet to come.

So loves, I thought I would share my heart with you this evening and bring encouragement regarding your dreams.  I know life has been tough, believe me I do – but I know that each and every one of you have the power within to change the world.  I believe in your dreams.  I believe in your ability to bring them to pass.  I believe that inside of you is a purpose greater than what you see for yourself and I am excited yet nervous at how you are going to bring your imprint of change to the earth.  I love you guys!

Thanks for being my family, for sharing your lives with me and for welcoming me into your lives as well.  Most importantly, thanks for sticking with me when I did not believe in myself.  Thank you Authentic Lovers!!!

Until next time ( when my workload gets a bit easier lol.),

Simone

FIC:http://www.landlordlinks.net/sitebuildercontent/sitebuilderpictures/movingchecklist.jpg

Living In Purpose 

Maybe it’s the fact that death has a way of making us reflect on where we should be… or maybe it’s the fact that death makes us aware that time is not guaranteed. Either way, I believe that God use lost to wake us up to the conditions around us; to make us aware that we don’t have all the time in the world to play with our purpose.  We don’t have forever to live beneath our potential, nor do we have forever to take our time to get it right. These are the lessons I am learning as I mourn the lost of my “little brother”, 16 and gone.

Do you know the saddest part of this mourning process? It took my baby bro’s death to wake me up to the fact that I can’t keep slacking where it concerns this blog.  I cannot continue to short change my dream and expect amazing-ness  to happen. Living in mediocrity is no longer sufficient, and being complacent is no longer an option. Once upon a time, I used to think I had all the time in the world – now I know that is not true, I’m not guaranteed time and neither are you.

What a scary thought to have. The thought of maybe I am living below my purpose, maybe just maybe my life is not adding up, is the scariest of them all. I don’t know about you but when I examine my own life that is a tough pill to swallow. Yes, I’m going to law  school in the fall and yes, I graduated from undergrad with no kids but am I truly living out purpose every single day or am I just getting by? When you realize that death is no respect of persons, that death cares nothing about your life plan and that death is inevitable it changes your mindset and propel you to live in/on purpose. Live giving your  all and allow yourself to walk in your divine destiny.

You are here for such a time as this, purposed to touch the earth- find your purpose and live it out. Leave complacency and take advantage of the time you’ve been given. Pray for me guys and you’ll be hearing from me soon.

Until next time,

Simone

The Choice

I made a choice to wait for you.

I made a conscious decision to wait- and even though the insides of my heart aches

I still made a choice.

Do I have regrets?

I say no as I’m visibly upset that you are not here .

Have I made myself absolutely clear?

Your presence or lack thereof is breaking me.

I’m breaking slowly,

as I reminisce on my time with you.

I don’t even think you know the effect you have on me

as I sit in this rain bath

and laugh

because I remember smiling in the rain with you.

I remember windows being down and reggae playing on the radio

as the summer heavens unleashed it’s tears to the earth –

and now I unleash tears, rivers and rivers of tears…

yet I made the choice.

If it was up to Momma, you would be forgotten.

Up to Daddy you would be dead, it it was up to my lovely sister

you would be kicked in the head – yet it was I that placed time and my life on the line

and I chose you.

The sacrifice was real, the feelings true-

I gave all of myself for the chance to love you.

It was my choice and now I’m living with the pain I accepted.

Look at what I adopted, my faux bundle of joy-

more like package of sorrow- but there’s always tomorrow

and maybe then God will allow change to come.

©Simone Holloway, 2016

 

Don’t Expose Too Much Too Soon

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

Happy Hump Day! I hope you all are having a great day, let’s get started. I was sitting on my lunch break when I began to think about this principle that I’m starting to take to heart- don’t expose too much too soon.

Have any one you ever had an idea and then you begin to share your dream and like Joseph you was persecuted for your dreams by those close to you. It’s crazy how persecution doesn’t come from those in the world, it comes from those in your house- those close to you because of the possibility that your dreams of supersession could actually take place. Persecution comes not from the outward display of superseding those around you but based upon the possibility that supersession can actually come true.

People aren’t afraid of where you are right now but are scared of where you are going. The bottom line is that darlings, you’re going; to go farther than those who you attend church with. You are going to go farther than your already successful family members. You’re going to go farther than those who have this “powerful” anointing and position that came with it. You’re going to go farther than even them and honey they are TERRIFIED!!!!

So as a piece of wisdom don’t expose too much too soon – keep some things to yourself and reveal it in the right time. Matter of fact, reveal nothing. Let the Lord reveal his awesome wondrous plans in your life when he brings it to pass. The crazy thing is that those who try to hinder your purpose and block your destiny will have to bow eventually. Let’s take a lesson from Joseph’s brethren and learn from their mistakes… Greatness can’t be stopped no matter how much energy goes into bringing it’s demise.

When you go to share even to those you look up to, shhh…say nothing yet and protect what God has given you. I’ve been holding a lot of things in my heart, and God’s getting ready to manifest these things. I’ve kept my mouth shut even from my church family – I’ve kept my mouth shut because I have to protect what is being given to me. I have to protect my promise from the Lord as if my life depends on it and that includes using wisdom in who I share with. So family keep some things to yourself!

Until next time,
Simone

image

Simone Holloway, 2015

Create Boundaries

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

You know? For a relationship blog, we don’t speak a lot relationships.  So I thought that tonight’s post would be about dating relationships, courtship and etc.  Do you know what was my biggest mistake in the majority of relationships I entertained? My biggest mistake was allowing everything to just be- I never created boundaries.  That is how I ended up accepting crappy behavior from the guys I considered or was engaged into a relationship with.  I thought my mom was being old-fashioned with her variety of rules: Don’t pick up the phone after 10, require a dinner date, have him pick you up from your home, etc. “Psshh…she’s crazy”,  I would say.  “There’s no way someone is going to want to date me with those stupid rules.” I would scoff as I broke the rules for a guy. But as I become a young adult woman, I’ve come to appreciate these little rules that establishes a standard.  After working an eight sometimes nine hour workday, I don’t want to be on the phone after 10:30.  I’m too tired to hold an actual conversation and therefore I’m not alert concerning what is being told to me.  What good am I in conversation, if I am not listening? Create boundaries.  There is this stigma that having standards are going to result in loneliness.  Au contraire my dear, having standards will weed out all the good for nothings and land you a good for something.  What is the point of dating someone who cares nothing about your worth as an individual?  Who has that type of time to waste?

We have lied to ourselves.  We have convinced ourselves that we have to lower ourselves to be accepted.  The mere fact that we think devaluing ourselves equal acceptance reflect the overall low self-esteem that is echoed in our society.  Creating boundaries is good for our body as well as our soul- there needs to be a clear line that few get the privilege of crossing.  When we create these boundaries  and love without partiality- we will find people’s treatment of us changing.  My beautiful young queens, stop throwing your crown of gold to the ground in order to accept a crown of twine.  Come on my beautiful queens realize your place in the kingdom of God and accept only that which belong in your rank.  Why settle when you don’t have to? Why accept so-so when you can have excellent? Why sacrifice your worth for attention, warmth and closeness? Create boundaries and watch God send you someone who will not only respect you, but cherish you and love you so well that you have no choice but to forget about those who loved you poorly.

Anyways family, I’m so tired and I’m ready to call it a night.  I wish all of you the absolute best and I hope that you all do what is best for not only your body but your soul.

Until next time,

Simone

FIC:http://blogs.thegospelcoalition.org/tgc/files/2014/01/boundaries.png