Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers-
Good evening. Tonight’s post was hard to write, for it forced me to face another level of vulnerability within myself. Transparency makes me slightly uncomfortable but I’ve resolved that to live the life the Father has created for me, I must be transparent. I don’t know if it’s been noticeable, but I have been pretty silent on this platform. The fact of the matter was the passion I had for this blog 4 years have diminished greatly. It was no fault of WordPress or even of you all, my blog family, ultimately it dwindled to the absence of passion for life. Have you ever been in something for so long, you didn’t realize that you no longer found joy in it? That was the place I found myself in, stuck in this grind for success that I hit a brick wall of pros and cons to why I should continue in this race.
Everything I loved to do became a chore. Reading became a burden as I read 100s of pages for class, writing became a nightmare as I realized that my style didn’t add up to academia, singing became an obligation and reminder of imperfection, even serving the Father seemed like a weight that was too heavy to bear. I lost myself in the day to day routine of trying to become something so that I can finally act on what I felt called to do. Frankly, I got to the crossroads of my purpose and hated what I witnessed. Then regret began to sink in: regrets for orchestrating my whole life toward a certain career, regrets for choosing a lifestyle void of an intimate relationship to abstain from distraction, regrets for choosing to do what’s honorable when wronged, regrets for making certain vows to the Lord, regrets for obeying what He has asked of me, just a whole lot of regret for what seemed to be wasted time…
The concept of waste is a real one for me, for I have invested countless things and it seems like there was no return. I wonder if there is anyone like me: you’ve sacrificed time, energy, money into things and people and it seems like there was no return. What a waste, right? Wrong. Tonight I had to come to the reality that all that I’ve done was not in vain, that my pursuit of the hard thing over what was convenient and comfortable was indeed worth it! The Father has seen every stride towards purpose and to him, all my sacrifices were sufficient.
I believe that the moment we see our lives as a giant garden, filled with seeds of actions sown to better those around us – we’ll keep planting even in the hard times. Seeds appear to be dead before they bloom, and what we sow now will reap us a harvest later. All that we’ve experienced will reap a harvest in the season to come! I am reminded of Jesus’ action of dying on the cross, his sacrifice is reaping the harvest of salvation even today. Friends, if I can encourage you with anything- your hard work, your choice of what’s right, your pursuit of the Father, and your continuous love for people is worth every second. In spite of what circumstances want to convince you of, may you be persuaded that a harvest is coming- a harvest of “success”, continual joy and fulfillment, and everything you need to change your world. May you be reminded that your good deeds are not in vain and may you continue in this race to the finished line.
My passion for life has been renewed, for the Giver of Life lifts me up and encourages me to remain in my pursuit. He reminds me of His faithfulness and nudges me with His goodness. He speaks words of wisdom and comfort to combat my troubled heart, caressing away every fear. In Him lies all joy and his truth reminds me that I am equipped to do all He’s placed in my hands.
Friends, I’ve battled so many relational issues in the past months, and I would love to share my thoughts with you. I don’t know about each of you, but it seems like this painful place was designed to grow me in my pursuit of the Father- to teach me what to do and what not to do. Seasons like these are not only critical but absolutely necessary to evolve. It is the winter that seeds are sown, surviving the harsh weather in preparation for spring. Life has been a giant winter season: dark, cold and slightly discouraging but spring is coming and because of that there is hope.
I look forward to sharing many things with each of you in the near distant future!
Until next time,
📷 Credit: Roger Spooner/The Image Bank/Getty Images