Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers –
I hope you all are having a great evening! It’s been a great day for me and I am super pumped about sharing my thoughts with you. Those who know me, know that I love films. I love all films but I have a special place in my heart for black cinema, especially films that celebrate black love. I’m the girl that has seen Brown Sugar way too many times. I’m the girl that understands Darius’ pain in Love Jones; that wanted to fight for my man like Monica in Love & Basketball; and who knows how secrets can potentially kill friendships like in The Best Man. Movies such as Just Wright taught me how looking for my preference can get me in so much trouble and Beyond the Lights encouraged me to believe that my person would indeed “see me.” Unfortunately, life is not like the movies and sometimes there is no happy ending. Sometimes we find true love and then sometimes we find ourselves in love with the idea of love.
I love love. Yep, I love all things that pertain to love. I love connection, friendships, familial and romantic relationships. I love the way love makes us feel and how brave we are when we’re loved well. I love hearing how people connected and about the exact moment, they knew their soul found its home in each other. I love love. Yet, it is this rose-colored ideal that caused me to confuse infatuation with love. I would confuse my butterflies in the relationship to equate to falling in love when we all know that is not the case. Love is more than desire, it’s more than that “can’t eat, can’t sleep, reach for the stars” type of stuff. Love is sacrifice and commitment; it’s hella messy and full of risk. Love is safety and vulnerability; the ability to just be with your partner. That my dear is love.
Once upon a time, I was in love or so I thought. I loved this young man and even considered marrying him. I thought about taking his last name, and I thought about him being the father of my children. In my heart, I convinced myself that I loved him. And I did, in part. I loved the idea of him. I loved the idea of him being my forever partner, the idea that I would no longer wake up alone. I loved the idea that we would conquer the world together, that I would finally have a teammate. The idea of loving him was so wonderful that I convinced myself that I loved him. Since I was committed to my love of this idea when he lied or cheated- I forgave and took him back because I loved him. He didn’t love me well, but I “loved” him. I remember realizing this as I prepped for a wedding and then I knew: “homegirl, loving an idea will never make you love him fully.” You can love an idea for eternity but that does not mean that this idea is great for you or your future. Life is nothing like the movies, we cannot manipulate our situations to give us this picturesque ending. Sometimes, things don’t work; sometimes, things do. You can’t force the fit, either it works or it doesn’t.
So I have a couple of questions for you: Do you love them? Or, do you love the idea of them? If you truly love someone, you will love them for who they are and not for who you would like for them to be. Love says I’m down for the ride regardless of your brokenness, issues, strengths, and weaknesses. Love says the real you is accepted with me. Love says truth is more important than comfort. Love protects, never gives up, and covers a multitude of faults. Love is more than a feeling, it’s a choice. A free-will choice.
So, do you love them or are you in love with the idea of who they should be?