Holiday Anxiety

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers- 

Happy pre-holiday season, with Thanksgiving approaching in the next few days, some of you may be feeling the what I describe as “holiday anxiety.”  It’s this dreading feeling that comes when you know you have to be surrounded by family and answer a bunch of aggravating questions.  As a newly single walking embodiment of awesomeness, I hate all of the aggravating questions that come with being seated at the family dinner table.  I don’t know about you all, but I feel like we live in a world where we are always asked to supply answers to questions that we simply don’t have the answer to.  For example, “How long will you be single?”; “When are you going to have some kids?”; “Girl, why you ain’t got a boyfriend?; “Girl, when are you getting married?”  In my heart I want to scream, “I DON’T KNOW, DO I LOOK LIKE GOD?”  but on the outside, I smile gracefully and say, “I don’t know.  I’ll let you know when I find out.”  I’m not going to let them know… I’m going to make all my announcements after the fact on social media.  My family will find out about my life choices when the world finds out. Trifling?  Yeah, I know.

Ladies and Gents, If you’re like me, I feel your pain and I understand your holiday anxiety.  But more so, I sense the temptation to return to my past due to my own loneliness.  It’s like Lord, you separated me from what I was in before but because of my own desires to be held and to be in a relationship, I feel tempted to return back to that which you’ve set me free from.  I believe that many of you are facing the same temptation, the temptation to return back to your past. This overwhelming temptation to settle for what you’ve been freed from out of convenience and loneliness.  This, I believe is the reason many of us have found ourselves at a crossroads:  Do we return to what the Lord asked us to leave?  Or, do we wait for what He promised?  I had a choice, return back to my ex so I can finally have an “answer” pleasing to men or to wait for what the Lord promised which is better!

Anyways, I can’t tell you all how to live your life.  All I’ll say is do not forfeit your future for the temporary conveniences of today.  So, here I go approaching this awkward time with boldness and depth reminding myself of the truth: I’m happy, I’m content,  and I’m waiting and that my dears will have to be enough.

Xoxo,

Simone 

FIC: http://www.b2beck.com/images/holiday_anxiety.jpg

Nothing Else Matters

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers –

This is an early blog post from my usual stuff but I have something that is burning on the inside of my heart.  I think it is so easy to get caught up in things that have no power over our lives, things that relatively do not matter.  I’ve heard this before- life is trivial, it’ll eventually come to an end and all that we cared so deeply about will fade away.  Thinking of what was to come used to terrify me especially since I barely had a true grasp on the life I’m living now.  But then something hit me…. The only two things that matter are: (1) Is God real? (2) If so, is He coming back for us someday? 

We live in a world that points no to the above questions.  Think about it- if God is real, how come we have suffering?  If God is true, how come he has not come back for his children yet?  To hold on to one’s faith in the midst of today’s chaotic atmosphere is the true test of victory and many have fallen under the hand of disbelief mixed with fatigue.  I woke up around 4:30 AM pondering these questions.  As I fell to sleep, I believe that in the next few minutes – the Lord began to speak to me.  We get so caught up in questions like, do they like me?  Will I ever succeed?  Will I ever make my parents happy? How will my life pan out?  but at the end of the day- these things mean nothing if God is not real and He is not coming back.   Our hope in our future is that we have a God that understands exactly what is coming and can lead and direct us toward our greatest potential.

Life outside of Him, does not matter.  I closed my eyes and I dreamed an evening in my life; church, fellowship with my bestie but there was a twist – this was the night the Lord decided to come for me (His child) and as I dreamed my spirit ascending to meet Him in the clouds- I was at such peace  because God is real and He is coming back.  Peace overcame me as truth was manifested in my midst and everything else faded to the background.  It’s time we live our lives as if God is real and as if He is coming back, and it is when we approach life with this mindset that we will see true change among us.

The children of God has gotten lazy; too lazy to care about the poor here in our neighborhoods, too lazy to love those who need love the most, too lazy to care about the homeless in our cities- we are too lazy for the revival we profess to desire.  We pray for the harvest, yet we do not want to till the ground and prepare the land for rain.  This has come from not finding our true answer to the questions above: Is God real? and If so, Is He coming back for his children?  When we come to the place where we can truthfully answer these questions- we will see the change/ revival we seek.

I believe that God is real and that He is coming back for me.  One day, when I’m living life as I usually do – He will be in the clouds, waiting to welcome me home.  It is this hope that drowns out all of the bad around me, that makes the fear fade away.  Nothing else matters, because the One who matters the most is with me – guiding me in life to bring me to that fateful day.  It is with this hope that I live this life with abandon and that I give my all to the Lord until my last breath.  Friends, fade in the hope that is in Him and be at peace.

Grace and Peace be unto from God our Father and our Lord Jesus Christ. (Phil 1:2)

Until next time,

Simone

 

#thefeels

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

Have you ever heard a song and was like “OMG this describes exactly how I am feeling!!!”?  Really??? This is exactly what happened to me today as I was listening to Trin-i-tee 5:7. (do guys even remember these guys?) It’s okay if you don’t know who I am talking about.   But anyways…I heard this song and was like 😱 ….

So I’m going to let you guys partake in my enlightenment through song-

If you can’t hear the song, or need better quality- please check out Spotify for the song!!!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

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I Just Don’t Know

I used to have all the answers

About how I felt about you

But, now I’m speechless…

I just don’t know

I used to be so clear

Clear about you

But, now no words come….

I feel stuck in the middle

Of speech and silence

Of happiness and anger

Of certainty and doubt

I just don’t know

To hear that you dream of me

The same way I dream of you

To hear that you think of me

As much as I think of you

To hear that I’m in your heart

The same way you’re in mine

My mouth is vacuum-sealed shut

Afraid that if I open my mouth

Things will change

You’ll decide otherwise

Because for the first time in my life

I have to decide whether it’s right

To love you again

To keep you at arm’s length

To allow between us more distance

And to tell you the truth

I’m no longer confident

That if I follow my heart

It won’t lead me astray

My gut failed me before

When it gambled on you

So now what?

What should I do?

I just don’t know….

“(c) Simone Holloway, 2014”

Featured Image Credit :http://i.imgur.com/BHSyEot.png