Steadfast Love

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers- 

I’m gearing up for the end of the semester.  I thought that I reached a place above adversity, one where I could not be touched by the cares and concerns of the world.

Friends, in all honesty, I became comfortable.  Adversity has this amazing way of keeping one in conscious awareness of their need for God.  It’s like when I’m in trouble, I am more aware of my need for Him. Sad, but true.  So, I became comfortable and I knew I needed Him but my desperation for His presence began to wane and I continued to live life for me.

I believe that God loves us so much that He shakes up our world to causes us to become aware again.  It’s like, He doesn’t want us to ever come to this place where we think we don’t need Him.  Can you imagine loving someone but treating them as if they weren’t necessary?  I believe we treat the Lord this way.  We love Him but we live life as if He’s not necessary.  Long story short, the floodgates opened and adversity hit like a neverending wave.  I mean… a neverending wave!  From school complications to my automobile to concerns with my mental health to the most recent trial the lost of both my sister’s (my roommate) and I’s jobs.  It was as if lost came just in time for the holidays and we’re in this familiar position of needing him, a position that forces our hand into trust.

I thought I trusted God.  I did.  I thought I understood His love for me, this notion that because He loves me He wouldn’t leave me without.  Yet, my heart became increasingly full of fear and anxiety wrapped me in a bear hug as to say “Welcome Home!” Even in the midst of my perceived weakness, He never changed.  He loved me with a steadfast love.  You know, as I get older I understand more and more that life is full of change.  One day we’re at the top, the next we’re at the bottom.  One day we have it all, one day we have nothing.  One day we believe with all our hearts and the next we are full of fear and doubt.  In all the highs and lows, His love is steadfast – it doesn’t change.

The steadfast love of the Lord never ceases;
    his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
    great is your faithfulness.

Lamentations 3:22-23 ESV

So, how do I respond to the only consistent thing in my life?  With gratitude.  I respond gratefully for such a love that I don’t deserve.  I respond with a heart to love others with such intention and consistency.  I know that I will make mistakes along the way but the least I could do is try.  Friends, I am loved well by a God that could choose any day not to love me.  Yet, He chooses me every single time. He chooses you and that is simply beautiful.  I pray that you all do not become afraid with the presence of adversity, that you are full of the love of God.  I pray that you all have a deep awareness of God’s goodness and rest in your eternal need for Him.  I pray that you are filled to the brim with love.

May you rest in His faithfulness, may you bask in His love. 

Xoxo,

Simone 

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Oozing With Words

Hello old friend, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

I wish I could say that I’ve always had the right words to say, or that I was always confident to speak my heart, but that is not the case.  I remember times, having so much to say but not knowing exactly how to translate my pain.  I remember moments of feeling incredibly numb, lacking the motivation or the passion to write my truths.  It’s crazy how pain makes us silent.  It robs us the freedom of bold speech and instills within us the fear of being misunderstood or hurt again.  So, to make sure we don’t experience pain again, we become silent.  The last blow to my heart almost took me completely out emotionally.  I remember doubting my words, my actions, my friendships, my family, my ability to be loved and to love.  I remember the pain of betrayal gagging me.  I remember word curses binding me, words such as “you’re not good enough.” “Oh really, you want to sing?”  “Do you really think you can write that?”  words uttered by those close to me: those I served with, those I called my Columbia family, those who were once my home.   I was dropped as a daughter, dropped as a sister, dropped as a friend and it was at no fault of my own.  So here I am, gagged by pain.  What’s even more bizarre is that I served through it.  I served through my pain.  I gave through the pain.  I danced in the midst of pain.  I sang songs of victory while bound.  I was mentally and emotionally at a standstill with God, numb by pain.

Over time, fear became my portion.  I lived in fear because I saw life through the lens of regret.  Regret causes us to doubt everything, to come to a standstill, to live in delayed obedience ( which is simply disobedience), and to become hesitant concerning everything.  Regret turned into unforgiveness, and unforgiveness turned into bitterness except I was bitter against myself for opening up in the first place, for placing expectations upon people that did not have the capacity to carry me, for desiring community that I did not see that this community was more toxic than helpful and bitter for trusting my own instincts.  In my mind, I couldn’t trust myself so I stopped advising, writing, singing, encouraging, and speaking.  I became mute.

I went to Charlotte a few nights ago, a young woman began to pray for me and encouraged me to forgive myself.  She said these words: “You have not been treated well as a daughter and God knows that it was not of any fault of your own.  He wants to heal that heart pain where it concerns sonship.”  I broke down in tears because for the first time in a long time, she saw my pain.  She spoke to my pain and all the words I wanted to utter began to ooze out to the Lord.  Her intentional prayers destroyed the gag of pain and released me to a place of tears and healing.  I’m oozing with words because pain no longer binds me.  I am free to express my heart and I’m healed to share the story of my pain with each of you!

Friends, I don’t know where each of you is in life.  Some of you may be like me:  serving through pain, some may be experiencing pain now and some of you may be alright and that is great! For those who were feeling like me, I want to remind you that God sees you.  He knows all about your pain.  He knows what they did.  He knows what you experienced.  He invites you to forgive, to open yourself to his healing voice and he invites you to freedom from heart pain.  He wants you to ooze with words of life, no longer gagged by painful experiences.  I pray that he speaks to you and that you will be healed!

Xoxo,

Simone

“Kind words are like honey, sweet to the soul” Proverbs 16:24

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Nuach

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

Rest. Sweet Rest.  I don’t know about you all but I have a HUGE problem resting…  It’s actually one of my biggest flaws.  I’m so used to doing that I’ve forgotten the importance of being.  The word in the title of this piece is the Hebrew word for rest, “Nuach” which is a theme threaded all through out the love story of scripture.  In fact, rest was so important that even God himself took time out of his process of creation to rest.

 So… why is rest so hard????

Maybe…it’s because when we are at our total element of rest, we are forced to face our thoughts and the realities around us.  I don’t know about you all but I’ve been a person have always ran from my thoughts.  Instead of facing what I felt or what I perceived around me, I buried myself in doing so I can forget about what it meant to be.

If you talk to a workaholic, they’ll let you know that the real reason they choose to work all the time is rooted from them not wanting to face SOMETHING.  Whether that thing is lack– lack of love, lack of companionship, lack of community, lack of fulfillment.  Or awareness– awareness of whose really in their lives, awareness of the emptiness within their hearts or just a plain awareness of how their lives are versus how they desire life to be.  I think I was running from my fears… you know those pesky things that remind you what you can or cannot do.  Fears are one of those things that breed worry, anxiety and doubt.  As long as I was in school, WORKING/DOING, I didn’t have time to face my fears- I could camouflage them under “hard work,” “dedication,” “new diets” and etc.

Do you know what’s so dope about God?  He is not content with us running away from things, but he will position us in a place to face what we are running away from.  So much so that sometimes,  he will use periods of rest to cause us to think about what we have tried to bury for so long.  God uses rest to gain our attention, to equip us to change, to restore our souls and to cultivate us into who He has destined us to be- that is the purpose of rest.

So… have you found yourself in a season of stillness?  A time of having nothing to do? We usually get frustrated with our lives during these times but maybe just maybe, you’re in the position you’re in on purpose.  Maybe God has designed this season for rest so that you can finally face things, heal, be restored and move on.  One of my dear friends Amanda always say, “God is not looking for us to do, he just wants us to be.” It is with this understanding of the Lord that we can rest in Him.   Y’all, I’m walking this thing out with you all- facing what I’ve placed on the back burner of my mind and I’m learning to rest in Him.

Ladies and Gents, may you find your lives in a season of rest. God is not looking for you to do, but he is asking that you learn to be all that he has created for you to be.

Until next time,

Simone

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7 Types of People to Keep Out of Your Life

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

Happy Thursday! This week has been an interesting, for the lack of a better word.  I sprained my ankle, had my piece published with @letsbefrankco, and begun to understand the value of good friends and company.  I don’t know about you all but I remember having awful individuals in my life (friends, significant others and etc.).  Bless Jesus for the come up, and now looking back here is my concise list of people that I advise one should remove from their life.  Let the countdown begin!!!!

#7- The Narcissist (the one wrapped up within themselves).  It’s all about them.  Seriously, the world revolves around their needs,hopes and desires.  If you are having a bad day, you’ll get scolded because their day was worse.  If you experience a victory, you’ll feel inferior being that their victory supersedes yours.  This is the friend that when you go to talk to them about you, they monopolize the conversation and it ends up being all about them.  The conversation goes a little like this… “Hey girl!/ Hey! / So I wanted to tell you- / Girl, guess what? / What?/ Girl I got a new job at that swanky new restaurant in town./ Oh wow…congrats!/ Yeah girl, thought I would tell you!/ Okay, cool./ Well, I got to go. *click*(phone hangs up) Umm… okay… well… yeah.”  It’s like what was on your heart was not as important as what was on your friend’s heart.  Friendship is about sharing your hearts with one another, it’s about the journey.  It’s talking and listening and being really considerate to each other’s needs.  If you come into contact with this type of person… RUN!

#6- The Debbie Downer.  Are you a glass half empty person or a glass half full type of person?  I’m a glass half-full gal and I just cannot be around a negative person for too long. This is the person that no matter what is going on in the world, chooses to reflect on the worst things possible.  Like… it’s like sunshine, bunnies, and rainbows do not exist in the Debbie Downer’s world.  I think there is only thunderstorms, car accidents and  a series of unfortunate events that exists in the universe of the Debbie Downer.   Oh… and don’t get me started on how there is nothing to be grateful for.  This is the person that if someone gave them a free meal, will complain about how the meal includes fries instead of tater tots.  Like, why is that distinction so important?  The meal is free! Debbie Downers have a way of just creating a negative atmosphere and before you know it- you’re sad, depressed or angry: even though you were in happier spirits ten minutes before.  Joy is hard to come by so at all costs, protect the state of your joy and happiness and the peace of your spirit.  Say goodbye to Debbie and try a different friend or acquaintance that is going to make you think about life in a positive way.

#5- The Insecure Homie.  This is the person that you find yourself in competition with, even though you never signed any forms to enter the contest in the first place.  This is the friend/associate that has to make it abundantly clear that they are happy all the time and that everything is working out for them as well.  This is the friend/associate that instead of congratulating you on your accomplishments, feels the need to one-up you with their own “victories”  This is the friend/associate that likes to gossip because fixating their time in the degradation of others makes them  feel some sense of validation.  This is the friend/associate that feels the need to make you question who you are in order to build themselves up.  This person is not aware of themselves, neither are they secure in who God created them to be, so they strive to tear down those around them who walk in confidence.  These types of people are some of the worst people to enter into relationships with because they are so willing to hurt others to get what they desire- Beware. If your friend/associate cannot celebrate you and enjoy you as a human being without feeling intimidated then I would put out an application for a new friend.  At the end of the day, God made us different with strengths and weaknesses and we should be able to love each other and celebrate those strengths together.

BTWS: For romantic relationships- if he is jealous of all of your guy friends and believe that there is a possibility that you are not going to be faithful in yalls relationship then he may be insecure about being enough for you as a partner.  AND VICE VERSA.  If she is jealous of every female in your life including your best friend from K5 – then she may be insecure about being enough for you as a partner.  This is why you’re always faced with the accusations of cheating and this question of trust.  Because in reality, these individuals do not think highly of themselves to believe that their partner will be faithful in their love and commitment to them and therefore they project that fear onto their partnerships. (this is where you see all of the games played and nonsense… smh…)

#4- The Secret- Teller.  Are you a refrigerator? My mom taught me that a refrigerator is the person that can hold something, the person that people can confide in with assurance that what was spoken to them will – stay with them. Some people are not refrigerators, they can’t hold water.  The secret-teller is the person that you share a secret with and then the next day, you hear what was shared from someone you did not talk to.  Do you know how embarrassing that is?  To share your heart (intimate details and all) with one person and hear your exact words out of the mouth of another?  Like..it’s mortifying!  And then you question yourself, like “did I share this with them?”   Oh my goodness, it’s so awful.   This type of person is always “accidentally” sharing your business with others.  They are always in the know/”nosey” and to me, cannot be trusted.  How can I trust and confide into someone that is always going to share my business?  Once you spot this person in your life, limit what you share!  Only share what you want the world to know and understand that this person, though super sweet and nice – might not be able to handle certain facts about you.

#3- The Ghost. Umm… this is the person that appear and disappear out of your life on their terms.  It’s like now you see them, now you don’t.  This is the person that comes into your life, builds a relationship with you and as soon as you become attached to their presence- they’re gone!  I remember being friends with Casper, I spoke with him on the daily and then one day-*poof*- he was gone.  I don’t know why people ghost or leave unexpectedly but I do know that you cannot allow these people to taint your view of love, commitment, relationships and life.  Move forward and maintain relationships with those that have proven themselves consistent.

#2-The Perpetual Victim. This is the person that no matter what happens, they are going to blame you for their unhappiness.  Oh… and don’t make a mistake one time because then you’ve given them the script for their soap opera, featuring them as the perpetual victim.  This is the person that manipulates you into constant guilt. They use phrases like, “because of you, I’m the way I am.” or “You made me this way” or “Look at what you did.” It’s like they find pleasure in stacking these huge layers of guilt and blame on you, to justify their bad behavior.  Please disconnect yourself from anyone that makes you feel this way.  If God does not place such heavy shame and condemnation upon us, why should we accept that type of shame and condemnation from anyone else?

Lastly, 

#1- The Leech.  This is the person that sucks the living life out of you. Like, they drain everything out of you.  After being with them, you feel void of life and energy.  These types of people are emotionally draining, and you start to see the effects on your physique.  I would encourage you to separate yourself from these type of people, because relationships (in any form) like these are not healthy or productive for your growth as a human being.  God created from us to thrive and to live  life abundant in him.  He did not create us to be drained by the cares of life or the parasitic tendencies of toxic people.  Trust me, there are some amazing people in the world that will make life a whole lot better!  These individuals will be a breath of fresh air and add to who you are, these individuals are a blessing.

Well guys, I hope you enjoyed my countdown.  I’m so sorry for the late post, life kinda caught up with me but I enjoyed sharing my heart with each of you.  Stay positive, stay strong, and stay in pursuit of God!  I love you all and goodnight…

Until next time,

Simone

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You Don’t Have To Beat Me To Love Me

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

In honor of today’s effort in raising awareness for Domestic Violence, I thought I would discuss a few things that are very important in the prevention of new tragic instances.

Ladies and Gentlemen (because we have some abusive women too), I thought I would tell you something very important.  YOU ARE VALUABLE.  You are not worthless, you are not a doormat to be walked all over upon and you were never created to be mistreated and abused.  You was not created to be control by another, nor was your free will designed to be stripped from you.  You as not designed to be trapped- you was created to be loved, cherished and treasured.

IF ANYONE comes into your life and treats you otherwise: THAT IS A RED FLAG.  DO NOT settle/tolerate for the verbal abuse. DO NOT settle/tolerate being alienated from your family/friends. DO NOT settle/tolerate being controlled.  YOU are NO MAN/WOMAN‘s dog, possession or toy- YOU ARE SPECIAL AND SHOULD BE TREATED AS SUCH.  

I DON’T CARE HOW BIG HE OR SHE IS ….DON’T ACCEPT MISTREATMENT.

God made you in HIS image!!! You were designed in HIS beauty and should be treasured as such.  I was in a verbally abusive relationships and tolerated it because of my own insecurities and lack of identity- but once I can into myself, I realized that I had no need to be treated disrespectfully.  I did not deserve to be pushed around.  I did not deserve to be cheated on .  I did not deserve to be cussed out and called everything but a child of God.  GOD DOES NOT BEAT ME, SO WHY SHOULD I ALLOW A MAN TO BEAT ME? If a man is supposed to treat me as God does- why would I allow him to manipulate me? to play with my heart?  to lie and cheat me? WHY?  I’M BETTER THAN THAT and SO ARE YOU!!!!

YOU DON”T HAVE TO BEAT ME TO LOVE ME.

Period.

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Check out a poem I wrote about the aftermath of my friend witnessing mother being abused by his dad. : https://authenticlove789.com/2014/09/23/wish-i-had-known/

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