There’s No Need To Fear.

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers-

First, Happy Birthday!!! Today, this beloved blog turned six years old.  It’s crazy to think that six years ago in a college dorm room, I created a blog to journey towards healing.  God has used this beloved platform to be a space of freedom, a community where we can all walk together towards authentic love.  Over the past six years, I’ve learned a lot in this love journey, have had my share of victories and losses but through it all: I survived!  Blessed be unto God who causes us to triumph!

Today, I had a whole meltdown because at the root of it all- I was utterly afraid.

For today to be the blog’s birthday, it was a rough one.  It was a day filled with emotional ups and downs.  To tell you the truth, I forgot all about our birthday because my impending BAR exam was the only thing on my mind.  For those of you that are unaware, I graduated from law school in May.  To practice law, one must take and pass what we call a BAR exam.  It’s an exam that tests all of the material we learned over the past three years.  It’s an extensive, rigorous exam.  It’s mentally, physically and emotionally taxing.  It’s not for the faint at heart.  This exam has been the focus of my attention for the past two months and the exam is in four days!  Today, I had a whole meltdown because at the root of it all- I was utterly afraid.   I was afraid of failure, afraid of people’s opinion, afraid of disappointing myself and with this fear came a butt load of pressure.  

For God will never give you the spirit of fear, but the Holy Spirit who gives you mighty power, love, and self-control. 2 Timothy 1:7 TPT

It was so hard to get out of bed this morning.  I didn’t get out of bed until around one, I trudged to my workspace to begin prep, looked at the problems and in my heart said:  “I don’t want to do this.” The truth of the matter was, in my heart, I was afraid that I couldn’t take this exam and pass.  Fear gripped me in the crevices of my soul and I whispered to the Lord, “I feel so alone.  I’m here yet I cannot hear you.”  It was as if the darkness swallowed me whole and I had to fight to see the light.  One of my favorite worship leaders once said, “Many of you are getting ready to enter into a night.  Remember that the light is on the inside.  The light is on the inside!”  Her words fought against the darkness that plagued my mind.

You are so intimately aware of me, Lord.  You read my heart like an open book and you know all the words I’m about to speak before I even start a sentence!  You know every step I will take before my journey even begins. Psalm 139:3-4 TPT

Seeking wisdom, I went to talk to my mom.  Y’all, my mom is like Jesus’ best friend.  She held me, prayed over me and reminded me that she was proud of me if I became a licensed attorney or not.  She was proud of me if I took the exam in four days or four months.  She was proud of me!  Her words took away all of the pressure. For the longest,  I felt this pressure to become for those that were counting on me.  I felt pressure to become for those that looked up to me.  I felt pressure to become for those that loved me.  She held me as I cried and reminded me that regardless,  I was loved.

Many of you are getting ready to enter into a night.  Remember that the light is on the inside.  The light is on the inside!- ©Steffany Gretzinger, 2018

Jesus loves me.  That is the simple truth that I tell myself when I feel the grip of fear.  Jesus loves me.  He is in love with me.  He cares about me deeply and because of this, I don’t have to search for love and comfort.   When I don’t know, He knows.  When I don’t have the strength, He is strong.  When I don’t feel like I can, He believes so strongly in me.  Jesus loves me.  I felt His love this evening as I sat to reflect on the day.

There’s no need to fear, for you are right here.- ©Simone Holloway, 2018

During a Tuesday evening in November, surrounded by my beautiful church family,  I began to have this musical conversation with the Lord.  Those who know me, know that I love to sing and write songs.  The songs that enter my heart are usually spontaneous and driven by my relationship with the Lord.  I was in the middle of a rehearsal when the words “There’s no need to fear, for you are right here.” came to my heart.  It was as if God knew that I would face so many things that would make me afraid.  He knew that I would feel alone, so he prepared me with a song.  Then in love, He sang these words over me: “I’m walking right beside you/I’m holding your hand./ I’m walking right beside you./ Though you don’t understand.”  He is the light at my feet, the wind at my back, and the lover of my soul.  Tonight he reminded me that he was my guide, that he was the strength and power I needed to move forward and that he was the one who loved me deeply! Then He reminded me of our six-year journey and his faithfulness brought me to tears.

I’m walking right beside you, I’m holding your hand.  I’m walking right beside you, though you don’t understand.- ©Simone Holloway, 2018

Long story short, I’m taking an exam that can determine my career in a few days and I am not afraid.   Because guess what?  Jesus will be there with me!  He’ll be there holding my hand, looking out for me, and making sure that everything works for my good. He’s near, He’s right here and He’ll be with me forever!

The Lord is my revelation-light to guide me along the way; he’s the source of my salvation to defend me every day.  I fear no one!  Psalm 27:1b TPT

Xoxo,

Simone 

FIC: https://www.churchleadership.com/wp-content/uploads/2018/05/leading-unafraid.jpg

The Letter

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers- 

My thoughts are hot of the presses and I’m excited to share with you the raw, the real and the now.  Today was all about cleaning.  I recently moved home to prep for my next, but for the last three weeks or so, I’ve been sleeping with boxes all around me.  Clothes are strewn all over the floor as my anxiety is increasingly heightened by not being able to find what I want to wear.  Tucked in a corner is a plastic bag full of paper: scriptures, prophecies, business cards, song lyrics, and other pages are all gathered in a messy heap ready to be sorted by yours truly.

As I reached my hand into the bag, I pulled out a letter I wrote to God about five years ago.  This letter was one of gratitude, thanking Him for always being with me and for showing me the road ahead.  At the end of the letter, I began to thank God for my ex, the possibility of our children (what we discussed together) and the businesses we would run as we took over the world for good.  I was thanking God for the life I thought He commissioned for me, the life I thought I would live.  Fast forward five years, and I do not have that life.  I am not with that person anymore, I do not have any children and those businesses do not exist.  My life now doesn’t match the hope for my life in that letter.  It’s crazy how things change.  Who knew that 11 mos ago, I would enter into a season of singleness, would forsake all desire for children and would find myself trying to figure out what I was going to do. Once upon a time, I was so sure, now I’m peering into the future like “God is this really for me?  “Can we actually do this?”  Can we actually dream again about this buried desire: the desire to be both wife and mother. Can we return here?  In gentleness, He whispers “Yes.  Yes, we can.”  “We can revisit this place in your heart, my love,  do not be afraid.”

“But How?”  my hearts screams out.  “How can we return to a place I never got to.  I almost got there, I thought I was there but I failed… I never got there.”  In love, He grabs my hand and whispers, “Your only failure would have been to marry someone who was never designed to love you.  To procreate with someone who did not have the capacity to be a father and to enter into a business partnership with someone with no integrity.  Babygirl, you did not fail.  You succeeded!  For you chose your future over your present and you chose what was hard over what was easy.  You said Yes even though the cost was your heart. You, my dear, can return to this place…”

Today, I look at the letter as an obituary of the life I thought I would live.  I mourn the union someone promised, the blueprints for businesses I envisioned and the picture-perfect family described.  I mourn what I thought I needed to be complete, to be whole.  I mourn what I thought I wanted to secure happiness.  I have found that my “Yes” to God has always been the answer.  I’ve found that my ability to walk away from what I prayed for is what makes me brave, my ability to be grateful in the new, in the unknown is what gives me strength and my sweet surrender is what makes me His, and His alone.  I cry as I reflect on the past but I am so hopeful for the future, because anything we give up for Christ including our dreams, He returns it 100 fold in this lifetime and the life to come.  I don’t know why I am sharing my process with you.  I wish I had some neat and tidy ending that describe this perfect healing process but I don’t.  All I have is the truth, and the truth is God is good even when our hearts are broken.  God is good even when plans change.  God is good even when we don’t understand our way.  In every season, in every moment, He is good and that in itself is worthy of a simple ‘Thank you!” 

He’s good, He’s God and because I’m His, I am going to be okay.

Xoxo,

Simone

FIC: http://kaizenjournaling.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/01/large_3584131250.jpg

The Wanderlust List

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

Lo, I am filled with wan•der•lustthis intense desire to travel, see and enjoy the world created for us.  I was thinking last night that time is so fragile and after some close reflection, I’ve realized that there is so much more to see and experience.  Think about it, how have you experienced the days given you?  Being a Christian is not supposed to be boring or void of adventure, in all actuality- it should be the complete opposite.  Loving God is an adventure…

SO… I’ve prayed and thought closely about how I wanted to remedy my “situation” and I landed on a goal list- my wanderlust list.  My wanderlust list is simply a list of places that I desire to travel to with prices for flights, lodging and activities that I wish to experience there.  It’s a little more than a bucket list but rather a list of short-term goals that I intend to bring into reality.  For example: I desire to dance in the Piazza Navona (town square in Rome), sip coffee with a french pastry at Cafè de Paris (eatery in Paris France) , and to shop within the Bulevard Rosa (shopping mall in Barcelona, Spain).  These are my plans, to see the world in all of its beauty…

So why now???  Well, I would counter that with why not now?  What do we have to lose by going for what we desire?  What is there to be afraid of?  NOTHING!!!! Absolutely nothing.  I think that God desires for us to go beyond where we are, to see more than what we have already seen, and to strive for something bigger than us. You know friends, I’ve come to this place in my life where I am no longer settling for the same thing year in and year out.  Don’t get me wrong, my life has been amazing thus far and I am extremely blessed- but there is so much more!  There is so much wonder to experience and so much more love to share.  I believe that God desires that we release the limitations off of our lives and experience more – he wants more for us!

Well… would you guys like to join me in this movement of breaking limitations, in going after the more?  If so, make your own list.  Maybe yours is not centered around travel or experiences but rather a personal goal list for your business, or maybe a list of doing those things you were afraid of (mines: sailing – too much water lol)- whatever your list is, write it down and commit to fulfilling each item.  God is bigger than our fears and He has no limitations so why should we.  Friends, let us strive to live righteously and to go after more of God and more of life!

Alright, let’s go!!! 

Until next time,

Simone

FIC: http://designwithdan.com/wp-content/uploads/2015/06/Wanderlust.png

 

***Disclaimer:  We are to go after those things that are pleasing to God, going after some else’s possessions so that you can have more is not what I meant by going after our desires… The more time we spend with Him, our desires begin to match His and we find ourselves enjoying life without our enjoyment being at the expense of someone else. Love y’all ❤

Unconventional

Unconventional

Unpredictable

Uncommon

Jesus is all three

His randomness

Still affects me

I read somewhere

That He allowed his disciples to eat on the Sabbath day

He broke the rules

He lived life a different way

He was a rebel

Later on, He decided to heal

A man from a withered hand

Exemplifying love that was so real

He challenged authority

Those in charge were mad

They tried standing against Him

Losing the power that they had

He was against tradition

He was against routine

So why do we box Him in

Knit Him tightly at the seams

Let’s be unconventional

Let’s live outside of the box

Do what’s never been done before

Allow your mind to be shocked

Featured Image Credit: http://maraprose.files.wordpress.com/2012/09/9947351-concept-image-about-unconventional-or-different-thinking.jpg

Born For This

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

I’m so sorry that I haven’t spoken to you guys in a while, I’ve been incredibly busy with my church. My mom preached at an event Friday and I was asked to play drums for that event.  This weekend has been a non-stop adventure and to tell you the truth, this weekend went by so quickly.  I blinked and before I knew it, the weekend was over and a new week was beginning.  Wow.  Today, I wanted to take some time to encourage you to be confident in God’s purpose for your life.

God has created a divine purpose for you, something that only you can fulfill.  Your special purpose here on the earth was handcrafted for you, and you alone.  This means that no one else can do your job the way that you can….You are significant to God.  You are important and you matter to Him.  Sometimes, individuals in our lives have a tendency to tear down our confidence.  They will begin to tell us what we can’t do and how we’re not doing something well… To tell you the truth, the language of can’t annoys me.  I believe in a limitless God, so why would I place limits on myself?  Why?  The language of doubt has a way of diminishing our confidence in our divine purpose, our role on the Earth.

I have discovered over the years that you cannot allow people, places or things to take our confidence.

If you was created to be an architect- you have to live your lives like you are the best architect in the world.  If you was created to be a nurse- you have to do your job with so much confidence and assurance that you are in the right place.  You can’t let others shake your confidence because you believe that you was born for a divine purpose/role.  You was born for this! 

We were born to be victorious.  We were born to walk in success.  We were born to live a life of confidence in who God is and who He created us to be- We were born for this!  SO when others ask you why you think you can be something, tell them – “I was born for that, that is my divine purpose/role.” STOP allowing people to shake your confidence and tell you what you can and cannot do.  You can do all things through Christ who strengthens you (Phil.4:13).  ALL THINGS…..You can do anything and you need to believe that for the rest of your life.  With this confidence, go out and change the world.  Do what you was born to do and make a difference in the lives of those around you.

Be confident!  Be courageous!  Walk in your divine purpose- YOU WAS BORN FOR THIS!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

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Final Word for 2013: Be Courageous!

Before I begin with my final piece of wisdom for 2013, I would like to take a moment to thank all of you that followed my blog, liked my posts and have been praying and journeying with me through out this year.  You guys have been such a blessing to me and have encouraged me in some of the darkest hours of my life.  I did not know how people would receive my realness and transparency but I am thankful that God has allowed me to share my life with you.  Thank you for making this year easier and for allowing to be real with myself and with God, producing ultimate freedom.  THANK YOU!

I was praying for a final word of wisdom to share with you, a final lesson of 2013 if you will and what came to me is:  Be Courageous.  I sat on my bed and reflected on the idea of courage and bravery in the presence of fear.  As I sat and thought about courage, God began to minister to me about how courage is not the absence of fear but rather the strength to not allow fear to overrule your life.   Fear is always present, it comes to hinder us from moving forward and enjoying what God has for us.  Some of us are afraid to fail so we don’t try, some of us are afraid to succeed so we don’t give our all- our fears limit us from living a life full of joy.  Some of us are afraid of the new year.  2013 was our year of struggle and we don’t know how to handle 2014 being our year of blessing so we sabotage our destiny and do whatever we can to limit God’s hands from blessing us.  We sabotage things we are afraid of.  Think about it, if all you ever experienced was bad relationships when the right person comes along -you can’t handle it.  You sabotage the relationship. This new year is not the year to live life in a circle, going through the same old trials and test, the same old routine because we are scared of change- this year is not the year to live in defeat when we can be victorious.  This year is not the year to live bound when Christ has come to set us free. This year is not the year to live life in regrets but to relish in the blessings of God.  This year is not the year to be afraid but to be courageous.

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As you enter into 2014,  my final piece of wisdom for you would to be courageous.  Stand up for what is right, speak against what is wrong.  Lift up a standard and don’t apologize to anyone for living by one.  Be yourself and live free.  Be courageous.  Everyone is not going to like you or want to hear what you have to say but that sounds like a personal problem and that should not dictate your actions.  Be courageous.  Your family might turn against you, your friends might not want to go to the level of success that you’re going, again keep moving forward and Be courageous.  People will lie against you and raise all manner of evil against you because they don’t understand the freedom you walk in but honey, Be courageous.  Live a life serving God in pure freedom and I can guarantee 2014 will be the best year of your life.  BE COURAGEOUS

Happy New Year!

Mo.