Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers-
Happy Tuesday! Today has been a full day of reflection, gratitude and spending time with family. Last night, I had the pleasure to be a guest on my good friend’s radio show. It was my first time doing a radio interview and I had an absolute blast. I’m realizing that the more I tread into new territory, the more fun I experience. Anyways, I was chatting with my good friend when a profound truth escaped my lips. I looked her in the eye and said, “It’s not my job to parent someone’s dysfunction.” Whoo! That’s something, right there! Say it with me: IT IS NOT MY JOB TO BE THE CARETAKER OF SOMEONE ELSE’S DYSFUNCTION!!!!!
I don’t know about each of you, but I’ve been guilty of parenting others’ issues. I would take their dysfunction as my own under the guise of “helping” them. However, taking others’ loads does not help them, it further enables their toxic behavior. It is a toxic behavioral trait to not take responsibility for your own dysfunction, leaving it to the will of your community to fix you. It is not the job of your friends to carry your weight, healing is proactive and it requires a person to take full responsibility for their process. I’ve learned over the years that my picking up of other’s weight was really insecurity that needed to be resolved. My need to be needed kept me playing savior to those in my life. I was not God and I was not created to be Him. It is my role/job to push people to Jesus. Only He has the power to save. Once I identified that I had an issue, I went to the Lord and resolved that I was necessary, enough and equipped for him. I no longer needed the affirmation and validation of others because I was secure in identity. Maybe, we carry others’ weight because of our own unmet insecurities. It’s time out for flexing for the Gram. Some of us have some real emotional issues and wounds that need healing and that comes through honesty. The day I was able to say: “Girl, you got issues!” that was the day I became free.
When we heal, we realize that healing is available for all- it’s just gonna take some work! Everyone has to do their own heart work, everyone has to sit in front of their own mirror and journey with God. Healing is an individual process that one must commit to. It is not the job of those you love dear to parent your process. It is not the job of those you love to validate you. It is not the job of those that you love to affirm you. It is not the job of those you love to heal your insecurities, to break your generational curses, to fill the voids of your mother and father wounds. It’s not their job and it’s selfish to place that burden upon them. Sis, deal with yourself and heal! I understand that facing yourself is scary, trust me I know but facing yourself is so rewarding. Growth comes from standing in the light, acknowledging your needs, and coming to the resolve that you’re responsible for your process alone. Friends, a man or woman, and even our church communities are NOT responsible for our healing. We must go to God, face ourselves and make decisions to steward our wholeness. It is God’s job to validate us, to remind us of our identity, to affirm us, to heal our wounds, to fill our soul voids and HE DOES HIS JOB WELL. If we lean on Him, we will find that healing is not only attainable but it is also a preferred way of living. Once we’re whole, we will prefer to live whole.
So, if you’re parenting someone else’s dysfunction- STOP. If you’re demanding that your community fill your voids and parent your issues- STOP. Understand the role of those given to you, go to the Lord and journey with him in dealing with yourself. Be cognizant to take responsibility for your healing. Ultimately, be honest for it’s better, to be honest than to be presentable. Keeping a face is exhausting and it hinders the healing process. Be honest. Confess your issues, state your needs and you’ll start to see fruit in your relationships. No one wants to journey with a representative too long, afterwhile we all want the real thing! If it’s not real, it’s not worthy of investing time and energy into.
Today’s topic was a bit heavy. Breathe through it and know that these pieces of wisdom are for the betterment of our futures. God desires that we are whole and I believe that when we surrender to His process, we become just that! I love yall, have an amazing day!