We can tell a person and say “I forgive you” as many times as we want to but it doesn’t mean a thing until we actually can say that person’s name, go around that person, receive a message from that person and not feel a way.

About four weeks ago I went through a whole situation of just releasing and forgiving people especially an ex of mine. Really quick backstory about us. We were a thing *smacks forehead lol*. We were deeply invested in each other as in talked every day sharing life stories and personal feelings and goals, supporting each other, he’d cry in my lap and I would encourage him. I was deeply invested okay? K. Months went by and I wanted to know if there was any purpose to us spending all of this time together. After so long I’m just not about to keep giving my time and energy to anything that’s not going anywhere. You feel me? So in the midst of me pouring my heart filled with hope and love out and trying to get the answer to what’s happening with us he blurts out, “I’M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU KRISTEN.” He goes on to tell me what he wasn’t going to do for me and all of that. I said, “okay.” I hung up the phone and collected myself. Years go by and I find myself invested in this dope amazing guy and I realize that I’m afraid to tell this guy how I feel and show true emotions with him. I wanted to know what had a grip of me. Why was this so terrifying? Immediately, my mind went back to the day I was telling my ex how I felt while trying to find out the purpose of us. I was afraid that as soon as I would tell this dope amazing guy that I liked him or showed some kind of emotion towards him he would reject me just like my ex did. I needed to let that go and really forgive my ex so I could go freely and not be afraid to love.

FAST FORWARD. Two weeks after releasing and forgiving everyone including my ex I get a Snapchat direct message. It’s my ex. I was like oh yea! In my best Gap Band vibes at the beginning of “Yearning for Your Love” 🎤The time has come for us to stop messin around! Lol. As in time for me to let this man know where HE messed up and let him know that I have forgiven him even though he’s the person that messed up and should be apologizing. I wanted to tell him off so he could feel what I had to feel on the day he blurted those words out to me. Ya know! *inserts awkward smile* Lol so needless to say that isn’t forgiveness. I had to reevaluate my whole heart before opening that message.

Sometimes when you forgive a person it’s about writing that forgiveness for that person in your heart and treating them equally as you treat any other person you may know and have a conversation with. You know what I did? I opened the message and acted as if it was another conversation with any random person I knew and I said nothing rude or sarcastic and got outta there.

This was my way of showing myself that I really did forgive this person and my heart was clear by not being a jerk to this person. If I would’ve came out and said I forgive you to him it wouldn’t have did anything but open a whole situation up for him to extend the convo way far beyond what I was willing to do. You have to understand this guy had been trying to pull a convo out of no convos for a while since we ended so I wasn’t willing to extend this thing just so he could be happy we were talking again and feel like this thing could get back started up. Nah. Lol. What does forgiveness look like for you?

-KSamone

@_KristenReel

In The Clouds

You know that moment when you almost loose yourself…
I lost myself, distracted in the company of another
but I felt the hand of God yank me back to reality-
Like, no girl- I didn’t make him for you.
I sense that yanking right now, pulling me out of fantasy developed in absence and back into the reality of waiting on you.
I chuckled to myself because I knew that this Holy repellent was working,
and there was no need for any searching because I already knew the answer…
You’re my John Smith and I’m your dark-skinned Poca
and this isn’t some Disney story line that’s been manipulated by a creative writer,
but a poem penned by a fighter who have fought for the chance at your heart.
Darling, I can’t remember the last time I penned your praises- or the last time I smiled because I knew I was where I was supposed to be.
Shhh… your secret is safe with me.
I held my tongue and I’ve zipped my lips,
but on the inside my heart is doing somersaults and flips- with pure joy and excitement of what’s to come.
You’re the one.
OMG! I can’t believe I just said that aloud
My heart is so proud to be claimed by you.
I’m so shy and I’m such a prude,
cheeks blushing at my confession-
heart pounding by this truth session,
that even a serum could not confuse.
I simply have nothing to lose-
by being completely free and transparent,
because it is apparent that I am totally and incandescently in love.
And why shouldn’t I be?
I spent so many years emotionally beaten-
beaten my the winds of rejection and insecurities.
Tossed by high winds and violent seas.
Spent so many years asking “why me?”
so many that I am physically exhausted by that question.
No longer accepting suggestions,
on how to live my life.
Torn by envy, dragged by strife- so now I’m in this good place,
in this good head space- I choose to celebrate,
what’s been placed into my hands.
I take a stand,
and I say “yes” to you.
No matter what, “I do.”
And it is with this conviction,
with this detailed attention –
that I give my all.
I’m no longer scared of the fall,
as I jump off this cliff.
I choose to allow my spirit to lift,
me into the clouds.
As I wait to hear the sound,
of your voice beckoning me.
Darling, I am free to be,
in you.

©Simone Holloway, 2016

Shutting My Life Down

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

Today is the last day that I will be speaking with you all for a little while.  I am studying for the LSAT and therefore, I decided to shut my life down and focus all of my energy into prepping for the LSAT.  Sounds extreme, right? If you want extreme results, you got to do extreme things.  I think that God is giving me a second chance and that means I need to do everything in my power to make sure that I don’t waste this chance being given to me.  You know gang, I didn’t get into the law schools I wanted to go to- and the rejection letters, caused me to wake up!  To wake up to what was around me.  Pain has this amazing quality to make us more aware of what we are missing, what we want and what we are willing to do to go after it.  I thought about giving up on my dream, trust me I did- but if I give up before I even walk in my divine destiny, I wasn’t worthy of having it in the first place.  So now I’m back at square one….aiming to change my life through the help of God and His grace.

When you are given a lot of “no”s,you make it your objective to work for your “yes”.  I am working for my “yes” and if that means I swap out my social media time (which is a lot) for study time and going the extra mile in preparation- at the end of the day, it’s all going to be worth it!  When I’m in law school, prepping for the bar exam; I’m going to look back on these days of hardships and say that every “no” was worth it, because it taught me discipline, ambition and drive.  These past few hard months matured me and it taught me that if I am not passionate about my dream, no one is going to be passionate about it.

Keep me in your prayers, October 3rd is the test date.  In fact, mark that day on ya’lls calendars and pray with me on that day, that I would be confident and collected.  Pray that God will bring back to my remembrance all that I studied and learned.  Pray that God will be with me in that testing session, giving me peace as I prepare to take the legal world by storm.  Please pray and be encouraged by my story not to give up on your dreams, but rather to work extra hard for them in the face of adversity.

Shut your life down to get what you want.

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Featured Image Credit: http://chelseacappello.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/07/believe.jpg

P.S. I will miss you guys very much and if you want to send me any encouraging notes during this process, comment below or email me at authenticlove789@gmail.com ❤ ❤ ❤

Safe

Above all else, I wish that you’ll be safe…

the comfort of knowing that harm

will not greet you tonight.

the idea that your soul and spirit can be at peace-

because they are locked away from the damaging

occurrences of the world…

I want you to be safe.

You’re safe here with me…

©Simone Holloway, 2015

Featured Image Credit: http://www.gsuggsinsurance.com/wp-content/uploads/sites/617/2015/02/Dollarphotoclub_66349859.jpg

Overwhelming Joy

I hope for you a joy that is overwhelming 

life-giving

and satisfying.

A joy that plants a permanent smile 

on your lips.

A joy that flows down to your hips 

causing you to sway- 

enveloped in praise.

An overwhelming joy is my wish for you. 

©Simone Holloway, 2015

Featured Image Credit: http://westmainbaptist.com/wp-content/uploads/2011/03/Jumping-for-Joy.jpg

Soulmate

May you find your soulmate…

that person that make you catch your breath as they walk through the door

that person that makes everything in life sure 

that person that seek to make you smile 

that person that make your heart skip for miles

May you find your better half…

that person that makes life worthwhile 

that person who’s number is the only one you want to dial 

that person whose laughter becomes your song 

that person that makes your spirit strong 

May you find your rib…

that person that was designed for you 

that person that through every storm is willing to go through 

that person that is loyal and true

that person that you just knew – was for you 

May you find the love of your life…

that person that cultivate your dreams 

that person that effortlessly seem

to make life better 

May you find your living love letter….

©Simone Holloway, 2015

Featured Image Credit: http://intothesoul.com/wp-content/uploads/2014/07/soulmate.jpeg

Smiles

I desire that you smile

that you find reasons to smile

as much as possible…

I want you to smile so much- so that

your face reflects the joy experienced, in spending time with me…

I desire that you smile, radiating the beauty of all  your 32s-

so that the world may get a sneak peek of the light-

illuminating from your heart.

I hope that your smile causes another to lose all sense of control-

bursting into a grin of their own.

So that the light shining from its white welcome center, will draw

the broken, the hopeless and all of those in need of love.

In the midst of a chaotic world,

I pray that your life be filled with

smiles…

©Simone Holloway, 2015

Featured Image Credit: http://globe-views.com/dcim/dreams/smile/smile-05.jpg

You Can’t Give Me What You Don’t Have

I spent so much time angry...
Angry with life and angry with you.
I have wasted so much of my time in frustration
wanting something that you just cannot do.
To love to me, means to give my all
It is to emulate the Son.
It means to love with no conditions
and to deeply care about someone.
This is the way the Father loved me
He loved me enough to give His life.
He's preparing a place in eternity
He is the bridegroom and I His wife.
So I expected something of you
that you simply did not have the capacity to give.
I expected the same kind of love
I expected you to have mercy and to forgive.
But this is the flaw in expectations,
they are never close to reality.
They have the power to keep one bound
when God comes so that we may be free.
I can't expect something from you
that you can't give to me.
You must know Love to give love
And in His love, lovely is what you'll be.
So I take away all expectations of you
I accept you for who you are.
One who may never reciprocate the love I give
who may never heal from his scars.
I hope life gets better and that you learn to love.
I hope you meet Him who resides above.
So in the midst of my heart's pain, I sit back and laugh.
All I know is, you can't give me what you don't have.
©Simone Holloway, 2015

Featured Image Credit: http://heartofdeborah.com/wp-content/uploads/2013/12/cant-give-300×300.jpg

To Be Reunited

To be reunited with the Lover of My Soul

to be made whole

in a single moment

a simple gesture of atonement

the residue removed of my past sin

To be enveloped into the arms of my Love

to look at his beautiful face above

my own

bone of my bone

His soul and mine tied from within.

My lips curl into a smile

I long for just a little while

to be in the same room as him

through thick and thin

we’ve journey through life together

nothing can come and tether

this love that we share

His heart knows my cares

and we long to be in the same room

sharing the closeness of a tomb

confined in a space smaller than our hearts

love painted on canvases of art

We long for our reunion

one that goes beyond our soul’s communion

that we acknowledge everyday

forever we long to stay

in the arms of one another

with love stronger than a child has for their mother

we the bridegroom and the bride long to start

a life where we never have to be apart.

©Simone Holloway, 2015

Featured Image Credit: http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-krmkTKtHj7I/TyngZ7YpyoI/AAAAAAAAALc/rRJwvtnE8jE/s1600/bride4christ.jpg

Letters

I pulled the handle on dark mahogany wood
Hoping to reveal secrets I held dear
My eyes caught sight of hundreds of letters written to you
I sat and listened hoping that my ears could hear
A message that was right, that was good
I needed my heart to tell me what to do
Oh, letters give me clarity!
Words of love, show me the truth
Keep my spirit from breaking apart.
I have experience strong love in my youth
All I want is for this sense of familiarity
With love-lost to leave my heart.
©Simone Holloway, 2015

Featured Image Credit : http://content.artofmanliness.com/uploads/2009/04/letters.jpg