Do You Know What’s Attractive?

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers- 

What’s up family?  Happy Friday!  Ladies and Gents, I’ve been in this really dope space where I’ve returned to the dating market.  Let’s just say that dating in 2019 is interesting, to say the least.  What I’ve learned in my short time back on the market is that we live in a culture that is obsessed with determining attraction.  We present our best selves on dates to be seen as attractive. We speak on relevant subjects to appear to be intellectually attractive. We make sure that we have a dope sense of humor because that would make our personalities more attractive.  So, the men I’m meeting look amazing on paper.  They have the chiseled looks, they are super smart and can even make me laugh but there are communication issues that make them less attractive.

You know, when you’re a boss you need something more than a great resume.  You need something more than a piece of eye candy- something more than something delicious to look at.  There has to be more!  I don’t know about each of you but I’m looking for something deeper.  What are his values?  What are his dreams?  What is his vision for life?  Yeah, the degree is great but what are we doing with that.  Yeah, the nice car is impressive but how do you treat the poor?  Ok, I see you’re the hotshot here at the parties but what is your reputation like in the marketplace?  Do you have a reputation of integrity or is it corrupt because of compromise? There has to be something more.

I’ve met so many representatives.  I’ve met the all-around guy, I’ve met the creative, I’ve met the musician,  and I’ve met the one with the ten-year plan but as I lifted the curtain of what’s been presented to me,  I saw that these dudes had some real issues.  They do not know how to communicate their desires.  They do not know how to let go of their past.  They do not know how to express their insecurities.  These dudes had everything but wholeness.  So, I resolved in my heart that I was going to add emotional maturity to my list.  The thing is, I don’t blame these men for not entering into wholeness.  Their whole lives, men have been groomed to shy away from vulnerability.  They’ve been taught to communicate through physical intimacy instead of verbally expressing what is on their heart.  They have been gender-shamed for expressing feelings and ridiculed for being clear and that is not right.  I blame society, I blame the culture, and I blame the home.

Do you know what’s attractive?  Emotional wholeness.  Emotional wholeness is hella attractive.  The ability to express vulnerability, to boast in weakness and the ability to state clearly what a person will or will not allow is attractive.  Standards are attractive.  Boundaries are attractive.  Clear communication is attractive.  Radical honesty is HELLA attractive and it makes a person extremely sexy.  The ability to be direct, concise and thorough is attractive.  Integrity is attractive.  Faith in God is attractive and the ability to hear and obey the voice of God is attractive. A fun,. down to earth person is so attractive.

Do you know what’s NOT attractive? Our dysfunction is not attractive.  Our inability to communicate is not attractive.  Passive-Aggressiveness is not attractive. Nagging is not attractive.  Being overly critical and nitpicky is not attractive. Being a Debbie Downer is not attractive.  Deception is not attractive and presenting representatives instead of being ourselves is not attractive.

Be yourself.  Be more than a good resume. Loves, be attractive!

Xoxo,

Simone

Adulting: Integrity & Character

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

You know that moment when you have to make a hard choice.  It is that moment when you have to decide between doing what is right versus what is popular.  I’ve had a handful of those moments over the years and recently I have found myself making more of these choices.  Will I do what is right? Or will I compromise my integrity and character for what is popular?  As I embark into a profession that is characterized for integrity and fitness, these are the hard choices I must make. Integrity is doing the right thing even when no one else is looking.  Integrity is taking words to another step and implementing what you know is right for your life and your environment.  Being integral can be a bummer, especially when people start hating you because of their own irresponsibility and lack of character.  There is nothing worse than dealing with individuals with no sense of integrity, and no sense of character.

I used to think that fitting in my peers was a highlight for existence, but as I get older I realize that the reputation and name one makes for themselves go beyond a few years in high school or college.  People remember your name and if it is characterized in deceit or irresponsibility these memories affect job opportunities and business partnerships.  People engage in the behavior of business with those that they trust and if one exhibit a lifestyle void of integrity and character, the trust level lessen and partnerships fail. Contrary to popular belief, it is the  goal of an attorney to uphold the law in speech and deed. It is our job to exhibit moral integrity as we are agents for the public and are responsible for many lives.  I heard an attorney say something so key today in a lecture that made my heart smile so big. He said “I’m not in a popularity contest.  Nothing is worth a blemish on your integrity and character.” It was these words that I took to heart, I am in competition with no man and even though some may not like my behavior- I have to do what is right no matter the outcome.

Character goes along way. Yes, having friends are great but at what cost are we willing to build friendships?  What is the cost? Proverbs 22:1 states “A good name is more desirable than great riches; to be esteemed is better than silver or gold.” What we deem to be so important is nothing in comparison to our reputation, our name.   We all have the ability to have a good name and this is demonstrated in our integrity and our relations with others.  How we treat people, what we compromise on and what we allow in our lives is a direct reflection of the state of our name.  Do you have a good name?

Friends, I remember one August evening like it was yesterday.  On a still summer night, I took an oath.  An oath to always be prepared as a law student.  An oath to always operate with ethics  and civility toward my fellow colleagues.  I took an oath to operate with integrity always, whether in the presence of my peers or in my home.  I took an oath and I intend to carry out every word of that precious promise.  My mom has a favorite phrase, “Character will keep you where your gift takes you.” I’m paraphrasing of course but the gist of this statement is that yes, your gift  and charisma will open doors for you but it is your character that secure these opportunities.  Opportunities will come but those with no character will find themselves with the short end of the stick in the future to come.

Weigh out your life choices.  Make a conscience decision to decide what is best for your future,  because at the end of the day it is your life and you are responsible for where it leads.  When we get older, we cannot blame our friends for our criminal records nor can we blame our friends for our crooked business practices.  We cannot blame our friends for our lost opportunity, nor can we blame our friends for the lack of trust from our communities.  We cannot blame our friends for our bad reputation and therefore we cannot blame our friends for the consequences created from our actions.  These examples are just based on this life and not the life to come.  When we stand before God, we will be standing by ourselves and no one else will be present with us to assume the responsibility of our foolish mistakes and lack of integrity.  It will be just God and us – reflecting  on our choices in life.

Lastly, I leave you with this final thought.  What do you have to lose by doing the right thing?  Really, what do you lose by telling the truth when it’s easier to tell a lie?  Yeah, someone is going to be offended and have their feelings hurt.  That is inevitable.  Yes, someone may end your friendship and stop talking to you.  That sounds like a personal problem that is being projected out of hurt and insecurity, again inevitable.  Yes, you may not get invited to the “in” club outings and such, but hey they are probably lame anyways.  Now here is a question for the reverse:  What do you have to lose by compromising your character and integrity? Everything.  You have everything to lose in one moment of decision.  You can gamble with your life but if you lose the aftermath is greater than the choice it took to create your current situation.  Choose wisely!

Until next time,

Simone

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IN-TE-GRI-TY

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

I just got home from work and today was…let’s just say interesting.  You know what I hate the most? Doing business of any kind with individuals who lack integrity.  Integrity is so important to me, it’s like the foundation of how I operate in the business world because I know what it’s like to have so many people be dishonest with me.  I value make decisions where it concerns business and money upon the character of the individual involved with me. Integrity.

What is integrity? And why is it so important to me?

Integrity is the quality of being honest and having strong moral principles; moral uprightness.

Integrity is important because in my eyes, if a person lacks integrity they lack the will to be of any good to the society they wish to influence.  A person that has no integrity cannot benefit the company or team by which they are apart of, in fact they cause the opposite :distrust and division.  A person without integrity is selfish, making decisions in deceitful practices that only benefit their own person.  Selfishness, dishonesty, and plain lack of morality produces nothing good into the environment around them.  An person lacking integrity leaves a bad taste in my mouth and causes distrust for the future.  That’s how high I have placed integrity as a valuable quality in an individual.

In today’s society, everybody is all about themselves.  What can I do to make it big? What can I do to get what I want out into the hands and hearts of individuals? Who can I manipulate to do what I want them to do?  It’s so easy to fall  into this “me-me” way of thinking, but as an individual who wants to see good in the world- it’s not supposed to be about you, but those around you.

As a Christian, one who follows Christ- I value integrity and honesty as one would value the quality of clear air and drinking water.  Integrity is very important and I live my life the best I can in a honest manner.  I tell the truth, I pay my taxes, I don’t steal, and I enjoy my life lived honestly.  Those in leadership or in positions where integrity is very important (police officers, attorneys, those in courthouse- judges, etc.) have an extra responsibility to walk in integrity – because their actions affect society around them.. As an aspiring attorney, when I see these individuals handle business opposite in honesty, I become greatly disappointed in them as a leader and more importantly as an individual.

Friends, you are receiving this message based on the aftermath of me experiencing this disappointment in my colleagues.  Integrity is very important, because just like that my perception changed of the those around me and what was deemed good has now been tainted my the stain of dishonesty.

God is truthful, so walk in truth. 

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

“He who walks in Integrity, walks securely” Proverbs 10:9

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