We can tell a person and say “I forgive you” as many times as we want to but it doesn’t mean a thing until we actually can say that person’s name, go around that person, receive a message from that person and not feel a way.

About four weeks ago I went through a whole situation of just releasing and forgiving people especially an ex of mine. Really quick backstory about us. We were a thing *smacks forehead lol*. We were deeply invested in each other as in talked every day sharing life stories and personal feelings and goals, supporting each other, he’d cry in my lap and I would encourage him. I was deeply invested okay? K. Months went by and I wanted to know if there was any purpose to us spending all of this time together. After so long I’m just not about to keep giving my time and energy to anything that’s not going anywhere. You feel me? So in the midst of me pouring my heart filled with hope and love out and trying to get the answer to what’s happening with us he blurts out, “I’M NOT IN LOVE WITH YOU KRISTEN.” He goes on to tell me what he wasn’t going to do for me and all of that. I said, “okay.” I hung up the phone and collected myself. Years go by and I find myself invested in this dope amazing guy and I realize that I’m afraid to tell this guy how I feel and show true emotions with him. I wanted to know what had a grip of me. Why was this so terrifying? Immediately, my mind went back to the day I was telling my ex how I felt while trying to find out the purpose of us. I was afraid that as soon as I would tell this dope amazing guy that I liked him or showed some kind of emotion towards him he would reject me just like my ex did. I needed to let that go and really forgive my ex so I could go freely and not be afraid to love.

FAST FORWARD. Two weeks after releasing and forgiving everyone including my ex I get a Snapchat direct message. It’s my ex. I was like oh yea! In my best Gap Band vibes at the beginning of “Yearning for Your Love” 🎤The time has come for us to stop messin around! Lol. As in time for me to let this man know where HE messed up and let him know that I have forgiven him even though he’s the person that messed up and should be apologizing. I wanted to tell him off so he could feel what I had to feel on the day he blurted those words out to me. Ya know! *inserts awkward smile* Lol so needless to say that isn’t forgiveness. I had to reevaluate my whole heart before opening that message.

Sometimes when you forgive a person it’s about writing that forgiveness for that person in your heart and treating them equally as you treat any other person you may know and have a conversation with. You know what I did? I opened the message and acted as if it was another conversation with any random person I knew and I said nothing rude or sarcastic and got outta there.

This was my way of showing myself that I really did forgive this person and my heart was clear by not being a jerk to this person. If I would’ve came out and said I forgive you to him it wouldn’t have did anything but open a whole situation up for him to extend the convo way far beyond what I was willing to do. You have to understand this guy had been trying to pull a convo out of no convos for a while since we ended so I wasn’t willing to extend this thing just so he could be happy we were talking again and feel like this thing could get back started up. Nah. Lol. What does forgiveness look like for you?

-KSamone

@_KristenReel

A Lover of Love

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers- 

I hope you all are having a great Saturday.  I love love, but I realized that I don’t love it as much as the one who created me.  God loves love.  Like for reals… God loves love.  So much so, that he desired someone to love deeply and that is why he made us:  man and woman.  He wanted to love and to be loved.  I think that is why we all have this innate desire to be loved because we were made in the image of our Creator.  So, we have a God that has everything, a huge house, streets made of money, angels who serve on the regular and there is still something missing- us.  To fulfill a need, God created mankind to love him, each other and all that he has placed into the Earth.  How beautiful is the understanding that God made us to love us?  He didn’t need any more servants, he had plenty (angels); he didn’t need any more beautiful things, he made so many (stars, flowers, etc.); he didn’t need any more houses, he had a huge one with a shiny throne on the inside; he didn’t need any more money, for his streets were made of gold.  But there was one single need, God needed someone to love.  He needed someone to lavish love upon, to demonstrate love to, he needed someone to love well.  Because of this and this alone, he created you and I.  I was created because God wanted someone to love. 

When we come to the place where we see our Heavenly Father as a lover of love and not a beacon of hatred and terror, it is then that we can appreciate the sacrifice of his Son.  We get so caught up at seeing God as this hard taskmaster, waiting for us to mess up- hating us for what we do that we lose sight of the reason by which we were created.  We were created to love and to be loved by Him.  Do you know why God hates sin?  I mean, really know?  It’s because sin creates separation between us and Him.  When God created Eden and formed man in the garden, scripture speaks of a time where man and God were not separated.  He was our homie, hanging out every waking moment.  I could imagine, man and God fishing together or taking walks on the nature trails, or even sitting up late to count the stars- all TOGETHER. As soon as Adam and Eve ate that dreaded fruit, they were aware of one of the biggest evils known to man: BAD SEPARATION.  Think about it:  all criminal activity results in bad separation. When we steal, we separate the owner from their possession.  When we kill, we separate that person from their loved ones, co-workers, and just the world.  When we engage in adultery and various sexual affairs, we separate a person from a covenant they made with their partner.  All pain stems from some type of bad separation: whether separation from joy, peace, trust or happiness.  GOD NEVER DESIGNED OUR WORLD TO BE FILLED WITH SEPARATION FROM WHAT’S GOOD.  However, this is the mission of sin.  Sin is designed, advertised and encouraged to breed separation from God and good and its biggest hype man is the thief, the accuser, Satan.

I bet you’re like whoah, wasn’t expecting the Sunday School lesson and that may be the case, but I’m sharing all of this so that you all may gain a deeper understanding of the one who designed you, who formed you and called you good.  It is my desire that you may know Him and know Him rightly.

So,  we have this Lover who made us to be loved and here we are loving everything but Him.  I mean we love our jobs more than Him, we love our significant others/spouses more than Him, we even love our pets more than Him.  Though He designed us to be loved and to love Him well, we don’t in fact- many of us aren’t even submitted to Him, yet He loves us anyway.  I remember a time in my life when I loved everything more than I loved Him.  I mean, I sought for things to replace His spot in my life.  Time progressed, people entered my life and people left but yet He was still there seeking to love me.  How beautiful it is to be loved consistently.  His love didn’t waver because of my behavior and I didn’t have to work to earn His love,  He freely gave it time and time again.  His ultimate goal is a relationship that would stand the test of eternity.  He desires that there would be no separation between Him and me.

This is the One whom I live for. An honest guy who loves love, who hates sin because it causes separation and who desires to love and be loved by me.  This is the core of who He is.  Every other quality, trait, and characteristic is like a beautiful bonus: icing on the cake to the solid foundation of who He is.  May you rest in the simplicity of his decision to love you.  He decided to love you before he made you, seeking to demonstrate his love for you throughout each day of your life.  Bad things happenI know and the question comes, if God loves me why did this happen?  This is the question I’ve asked multiple times, but then I came to the understanding that God is not the orchestrator of the bad things in my life.  He’s not out here seeking to make me sad, or to destroy my esteem or to take life from me.  There’s another presence at work, super jealous that God loves me with all of my flaws – so he works overtime to cause me to doubt this love I was given.  The thief comes to steal, kill and to destroy and he is responsible for the evil we see in this world.  “For I have come that you may have life, and life more abundantly.” (Jn. 10:10)  God desires that I live and that I live to the fullness, only someone who loves us can hope so deeply that we live well.

I am loved.  I was created to be loved.  I was created to love God.  I was created to love others well.  This is the core of why I am here, this is who I am. 

Xoxo,

Simone 

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Nerves & Excitement

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers – 

This is finally happening. I am leaving home to pursue a career in law.  I move from my parent’s house to my own place in a few days and I am filled with nerves, excitement, and a whole bunch of feelings that I cannot even begin to understand.  I thought I would be facing this moment a couple of years ago, but the plan of God was different and He destined that I leave this year to begin that phase of my future.

As I think about the days to come, I am speechless as I grasp the idea of leaving my family, church family and all I know behind.  I’m utterly on my own, alone as I push toward my dreams.I am going to a place that my friends cannot go with me, even the one I loved more than life could not go and I’ve been placed in a position where it’s me and God for the long run.  I tried to busy myself so I would not have to grapple with these facts, thinking that if my mind is not idle- I can pretend that this transition did not effect me.  But as I am writing this evening, I feel tears threatening to be released from the prison of my eyes- I realize that this is it! This is exactly what I asked  for, prayed for , believed for… and instead of fear I should be filled with courage as i walk into this new place.

Courage.  I want to be courageous- I’ve been prepping for these days for two years and have met more hardships than anyone would ever understand.  I found out over the span of two years who were my friends and who were counterfeits.  I discovered that the word family means different things to different people.  I became guarded. I dumped the practice of being naive and I learned that in life you have to fight for what you want and sometimes you just have to cry it out.  You have to cry out disappoint, you have to cry out fear, you have to cry  and shed as many tears as possible to cleanse the soul.  Sometimes you have to cry to heal and sometimes you have to walk alone so that you can finally learn yourself.

There comes a time in our lives where we have to love ourselves first, so that we can love others.  There comes a time when we have to believe in our dreams, when no one else does.  Finally, sometimes we have to become prisoners of hope and hope for the best regardless of how everything around us is trying to steal that hope.  I fought for where I am, a J.D. candidate in the class of 2019 and I have so much more fighting to do.  I will fight until the end when I am sitting on a judge’s seat making the wrongs of our society right again.  Becoming a lawyer is the next step in the line of many  and the best is yet to come.

So loves, I thought I would share my heart with you this evening and bring encouragement regarding your dreams.  I know life has been tough, believe me I do – but I know that each and every one of you have the power within to change the world.  I believe in your dreams.  I believe in your ability to bring them to pass.  I believe that inside of you is a purpose greater than what you see for yourself and I am excited yet nervous at how you are going to bring your imprint of change to the earth.  I love you guys!

Thanks for being my family, for sharing your lives with me and for welcoming me into your lives as well.  Most importantly, thanks for sticking with me when I did not believe in myself.  Thank you Authentic Lovers!!!

Until next time ( when my workload gets a bit easier lol.),

Simone

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Living In Purpose 

Maybe it’s the fact that death has a way of making us reflect on where we should be… or maybe it’s the fact that death makes us aware that time is not guaranteed. Either way, I believe that God use lost to wake us up to the conditions around us; to make us aware that we don’t have all the time in the world to play with our purpose.  We don’t have forever to live beneath our potential, nor do we have forever to take our time to get it right. These are the lessons I am learning as I mourn the lost of my “little brother”, 16 and gone.

Do you know the saddest part of this mourning process? It took my baby bro’s death to wake me up to the fact that I can’t keep slacking where it concerns this blog.  I cannot continue to short change my dream and expect amazing-ness  to happen. Living in mediocrity is no longer sufficient, and being complacent is no longer an option. Once upon a time, I used to think I had all the time in the world – now I know that is not true, I’m not guaranteed time and neither are you.

What a scary thought to have. The thought of maybe I am living below my purpose, maybe just maybe my life is not adding up, is the scariest of them all. I don’t know about you but when I examine my own life that is a tough pill to swallow. Yes, I’m going to law  school in the fall and yes, I graduated from undergrad with no kids but am I truly living out purpose every single day or am I just getting by? When you realize that death is no respect of persons, that death cares nothing about your life plan and that death is inevitable it changes your mindset and propel you to live in/on purpose. Live giving your  all and allow yourself to walk in your divine destiny.

You are here for such a time as this, purposed to touch the earth- find your purpose and live it out. Leave complacency and take advantage of the time you’ve been given. Pray for me guys and you’ll be hearing from me soon.

Until next time,

Simone

Puzzle Pieces

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

It’s been a month of little to none inspiration, and the lack of inspiration destroy writers.  This has been my conundrum as I seek to maintain an audience and still share the truth.  But lately through my interactions with those around me, I noticed a familiar epidemic stemming in the relationships of those I know: the epidemic of discontentment.

Oh discontentment- that harsh disease that all of us find ourselves having once upon a time.  Discontent with our lives, with those in our lives, and with our livelihood.  There is nothing worst than sticking with something or someone out of convenience.  How many of us  are living in things and with things out of convenience?

A thought came to me last night, that maybe our lives are like puzzle pieces coming together to create a  beautiful picture.  The deal with puzzle pieces are, each piece is either going to fit or it will not.  We can try to jam a piece into the puzzle to complete it but the picture will still remain incomplete, look awkward and still won’t truly show the beauty it was created to demonstrate.   Life is the same way, people will either fit or they won’t- and when we try to make people who don’t fit, fit so badly, things get awkward and uncomfortable and we find our selves still in search for that person who is supposed to fit.

What about this thought?  What if we are just occupying space in the lives of others- taking up the space of their perfect fit?  What if we are standing in the way of our own happiness?  What if we are our own hindrance?

Sometimes we are so frustrated with our current relationships, yet we don’t leave.  Why is that? Why don’t we strive to be with our fit ( imperfect at best) but yet ours? Let’s stand out of our own way, and look to be in “purpose”.  Purpose sometimes mean saying goodbye to things and people that do not belong to you and striving to obtain all that do.  Purpose is more important than convenience and fitting one with another is more important than settling into misery.

Find your fit, do it on purpose!

Until next time,

Simone

 

Life’s Many Distractions

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

I think this life is so full of distractions.  Distractions in our goals, careers, ambitions….I feel stuck in this place where I’m trying to decide if I even want to go after my dream anymore.  Maybe my dreams have changed and I didn’t even know it- just maybe.  I used to have life so figured out – but over the last couple of years, I realized that life isn’t something we can control but rather is the ebb and flow of choices- at the end of the day, we find ourselves in places we would have never imagined or dreamed.

I believe that the distractions in my life come to pull me out of place.  They come to make me give up and quit on my dreams.  They come to kill my spirit and they come to drain my strength- just maybe these distractions also come to make me stronger.  Maybe they come to see what’s inside of me, maybe they come to make me grow.  Either way, I’m desperately trying to stay focused in an ADHD world and I seek to be who God created me to be.

Friends, rise above the distractions and instead of letting them take you out- grow in the midst of them.  Become stronger.  Become wiser and live your life with purpose.

I love you all and we’ll talk soon!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

You will keep in perfect peace
    those whose minds are steadfast,
    because they trust in you.

Isaiah 26:3 NIV

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Window Of Time

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

Hi all!  It’s been a little while since we last spoken.  I’ve come to realize that unless the Lord drops something into my heart to share with you guys, I’m not quick to post something on this here blog.  Everything said has a purpose. and everything discussed is life-giving.  There is so much I could blog about, the Charleston nine or the SCOTUS’ ruling on marriage equality but for this evening – I’m not going to discuss either one.  One day I will, it just will not be today.

So friends…. what am I going to discuss?  I am going to this evening, talk about windows- windows of time.  I think we live this live as if we’re on the earth forever, as if opportunities, people and ideas will come again.  It’ s really a bad misconception because time is not something that we get to control. One day we are born and one day we will die- that’s the pattern of the life we were given.  So sometimes, we never get that second chance to make things right.  Sometimes we never get the amazing opportunities that we ruined or wasted.  Sometimes we don’t come in contact with the people that we mistreated in our past.  Sometimes life is not a revolving door.  That being said, I think we need to take advantage of the window of time that we have been allotted.  Like all windows, time will close and  what we desired to do won’t be able to take place.

We make so many excuses for why we can’t do something. “I can’t live right because of my past.”  :”I can’t apologize because I messed up so bad that I  can’t face that person.”  “I can’t get right with God because I bet He wouldn’t want to have anything to do with me.” “I’ll come to God when I get myself together.”  But, what if you never get yourself together?  What if you don’t have the power or the strength to beat what you’re bound to?  What if you need the help of something greater to be greater?  These are just my thoughts…. Look, I tried to do life by myself and I made the same excuses for why I couldn’t find myself in a different place- a positive place, a spiritually enriching place, but all in all – I needed Him.  That’s just the truth.

Whatever we have been called to do…now is the time to do it.  Tomorrow may never come.  2 weeks from now, may never be seen.  For all we know, we could past in the middle of our sleep tonight- some have already. So let’s do all that we can in this window of time. Let’s love God with all our hearts.  Let’s make things right with each other.  Let’s be free and beat our addictions.  Let’s love each other better, even as Christ loved the church – to the point of death.  Let’s live honestly, let’s care about the poor and needy.  Let’s be passionate about social change and justice.  Let’s give our all in this small window of time. Because one day, the window will close- time will be up.

Teacher: Life is fleeting, like a passing mist.
        It is like trying to catch hold of a breath;
    All vanishes like a vapor; everything is a great vanity.(Ecc. 1:2 The Voice) 

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

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Sing, O Barren….

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers – 

After 3AM prayer, the LORD spoke to me and I thought I would share what He spoke to me with you.

In reference to Isaiah 54:1:

“This enlargement /transforming powerful experience of abundance/restoration are for the ones who were told all that they wouldn’t be able to do.  The disappointed.  The looked-over.  The ones who were counted out-> I’m going to do something in their lives.  In the lives of those considered: barren (not able to produce anything) – not able to make their dreams come alive, not able to move forward, not able to create anything great: the barren.  Now they have a reason to rejoice: because I have the ability to produce in their state of barrenness. I can open their wombs & only I can do that ; so why be depressed, down-n-out- no rejoice for My hand has come for those that are barren to make My will and purposes alive in their lives.”

Sing, O barren, thou that didst not bear; break forth into singing, and cry aloud, thou that didst not travail with child: for more are the children of the desolate than the children of the married wife, saith the Lord. (Isaiah 54:1 KJV)

I pray that this encourages somebody!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

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A Period Of Silence

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

It’s been a little minute since we have last spoken.  I guess you can say, I’ve been engaged in a time of silence- a point of life when I am seeking to hear from the Lord, not speaking or writing out of myself but rather inspired by Him.  It’s crazy how the world makes you aware that your voice hasn’t been heard in a while.  I get more notifications that I’ve been away for 6 days than comment notifications and etc.  I think the realization of the importance of what God has placed inside of you doesn’t become clear until you stop operating in it. I’ve noticed that in my own life, when I took time to stop doing and became silent that I began to see the wonder of God around me.  Sometimes we are so busy that we fail to reflect on our purpose and call in the earth.  We’re merely existing and not truly living.

Breaks are not bad…. in fact, taking a break can be very cathartic.  The bad thing about breaks is that they can encourage a lifestyle of being stagnant and living at a standstill.  God has not called us to live a lifestyle of being stagnant.  He has called us to grow and to evolve into the people that He originally designed for us to be.  God wants more!  And for us to fully engage in the more that He desires, we have to end our period of silence and begin to once again function in what He has called us to do.

I’m reminded of the prophet Elijah that was used tremendously by the Lord at Mount Caramel.  He was exhausted, tired of his purpose, tired of the weight of his call, just tired.  He found out that the Queen of the time, Jezebel, wanted to kill him.  He felt like he was doing God’s work by himself – and therefore, he hid in a cave and sat under a juniper tree.  He entered into this period of silence.  The Lord sent an angel to come to him and tell him to arise and eat.  After he ate and rested, the Lord began to encourage him; letting him know that he was not alone, that there was others who loved God as much as he did and was doing His work.

I believe that like Elijah, we all experience a period of life where we are tired; where we question our call because of what we experience, but it is in these times that it becomes more imperative to trust Him.  We have to trust in the Lord with all of our hearts and lean not to our own understandings.  This trust is to remain the same, whether we are experiencing good times and in the bad times.  We have to trust Him.

So I say to you, “Arise and Eat.” Eat of the Word of God. Experience Praise and Thanksgiving and Open Up Your Mouth!!! The period of silence is no more and its time to proclaim the goodness of God and to walk into your divine purpose.  It’s time to be silent no more.  I pray that each and everyone of you that reads this post, hasten to walk in the way of the Lord.  That you realize that your work is needed for the Kingdom of Heaven.  That you realize that God loves you and that He is concerned about your every need.  I pray that each and everyone of you realize that you need not validation from others, God has made you and He has validated your greatness. I pray that you realize that you have the opportunity to be apart of an eternal family that can not be taken away from you by death and sickness, by greed and lust, by damaging words and arguments- the family of God cannot be broken even as our nuclear families have proven to be subjected to the sins of the world.  I pray that you realize that you are beautiful, the epitome of beauty in the eyes of the Father- and that you are so loved by the Father.  You are so loved!!!

Arise and eat for the time to be silent is no more….

Until next time,
Mo 🙂

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I’m So Busy….Doing What????

Hello Authentic Lovers!

I’m just getting a moment to breathe, working overtime to complete some task before Memorial weekend dawns upon us and I am feeling tired and slightly aggravated.  I was thinking a moment ago, why am I so busy?  And, am I busy doing something meaningful?  When you’re busy doing something purposeful, it’s like you find the motivation to continue in spite of being tired or stressed or etc.  But the real question for myself was, why am I so busy? And is what I am investing my time into, actually worth it?

I’m reminded of the story of Mary and Martha.  Jesus was coming into the town of Bethany and decided to stop my His friends; Mary,  Martha and Lazarus’ place.  Three siblings that shared this common bond of friendship with Jesus Christ.  Martha being ( I would assume) one of the older siblings, took it upon herself to prepare for Jesus’ arrival.  She prepared a meal and she served all of the guests that stopped by the house, she cleaned, she was so busy making sure everything was perfect for Him.  Mary on the other hand, as soon as Jesus came by, spent time in His presence and just sat at His feet- eating up His every word.  She was still but she was busy too, busy feeding her soul.  Martha looking at Mary’s stillness became very frustrated with her sister, because she thought her sister should have stopped everything to help her- knowing how busy she was….  I like the next part of the story, because it simply says that Jesus looked at Martha and told her that she was busy doing things that held no eternal meaning, but that Mary was doing what was meaningful in that moment.

Today I feel like Martha, busy doing things that aren’t meaningful.  I love my job, I do.  But is it meaningful?  I love  those I serve with, but is the work we’re doing meaningful?  I love the kids I teach during the week, but is it meaningful?  I rather be like Mary still and feeding my soul- than to be like Martha, do the most when it isn’t necessary.  I believe that when we live life in purpose, all of the trials of life become worth it.  We find ourselves satisfied in where we are.  We find contentment in purpose.  So this evening, I implore you to examine your life and how you are living it?  Are you busy?  If so, busy doing what?  Is what you are doing meaningful?

Have a great evening and we’ll talk soon!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

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