One of the final thoughts for 2013: Insecurities, Sex, and Addiction

Before we get started in today’s post, I always said that I would be as real with you guys as possible. This blog is blog of transparency because I  believe that is a place  God wants us to reach. In this blog I’m going to share with you my own relationship insecurity and a story of a friend who allowed this same insecurity to lead her down a pathway of curiosity which developed into an addiction to pornography.  Today we’re going to discuss societal expectations regarding sex and how these expectations destroy what God deemed good. If we’re going to talk about love and relationships, we have to talk about this.

As young Christian lady I have been taught to save myself for marriage. That means no sex of any kind until I say I do.  This rule was my way of honoring God with my body. When I first took the pledge to remain abstinent, I was excited.  I felt a sense of pride and I enjoyed having something so precious all to myself. As I began to enter into relationships, I realized others didn’t hold the same standards that I did for my body or respect these standards.  The guy I loved more than anything in the world left me because I would not fulfill his sexual desires.  Crazy huh?

Now I’m about to tell you the story of my friend, she had the same story as me but she began to hate her virginity. She hated the sense of not being loved for her standard, she was tired of being cheated on so she stopped dating-she distanced herself. The porn wasn’t something she sought after, she would have never imagined traveling that road but one day she saw a movie with an explicit love scene in it and found herself desiring something more. Steamy movies turned into soft erotic pictures that led to a Google search for porn sites. Pornography became a high, her body would shake with arousal- leaving her wanting more. She was trapped. She was bound to the desires of her flesh and she was filled with shame and regret. “Want to heighten your sexual experience?” She can hear the Enemy taunting her.  ” You’re in too deep” He said, ” Even God can’t save you now.” She believed the lie, she hung her head, her body wanted another fix. ” What do I have to do?” She said. ” While you’re watching have pleasure, pleasure yourself. You don’t need a man to reach a climax – stroke yourself and with your experience heighten to a whole new level.” She needed a fix and she needed one bad so she did what she was told and still felt unsatisfied. She felt dirty, real dirty. She knew that what she was doing was wrong but she could not see herself free. She could not see herself happy and she ached to be loved. My friend talked to God and she was honest, she needed help and she knew from growing up in church that if God couldn’t help her no one could.  My friend changed her life, shut down access to her addiction and strived to be free. She called me the other day and said Mo I’m free. I’m really free.

There are people like my fried and like me all over world. In this society we have glorified sex. Sex is good. Shocker. It was created by God to be experienced between a man and woman to create a deeper sense of intimacy. Sex is two souls joining together and becoming one. The problem comes when individuals have sex outside of covenant, when they join their souls with multiple people. Once you join your soul with someone it’s hard to disconnect the soul tie.  Very hard. We have made sex such a big deal to he point we poke fun at those who keep their virginity. We justify sex before marriage with a car analogy even though a car depreciates after you drive it off the lot, sex is not supposed to depreciate- it’s supposed to appreciate. Sex is supposed to get better over time and it does with one partner over time. We want something good with no commitment. No strings attached but the souls of the individuals are attached, making this philosophy flawed. We need to reevaluate the role of sex in our society before we find ourselves a society of secret sins and addictons .

Mo
P.S My friend is closer than you think

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