Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers –
I haven’t spoken to you all in a little while. Life has been super crazy hectic and when we think things die down, they began to pick up even more. I’m sitting in my living room, worship music is lulling me into a state of peace and I decide that tonight I would like to share my heart with each and every one of you. There is a few things that we aspire to be: successful, beautiful, wise; just to name a few but I aspire to be blameless. I don’t want to be the one that is constantly struggling with secret sins and addictions, but I want to be free so that I can free others. We free those around us with the testimony of our overcoming, but if we never overcome – we stay stuck and are useful to no one. We are not useful when we are stuck.
I don’t want to sound harsh, I understand that people go through things…trust me I get it.
I’ve dealt with anything you could ever imagine and then some, but I don’t want to be in the same place I was three years ago. I don’t want to be in the same place I was two weeks ago, not even the same place I was yesterday. I want to be constantly changing, no longer a slave to sin but a servant of God- living a life above sin and reproach.
Today, all I hear about is “the struggle”. The struggle with the lusts of our flesh, greed and avarice, pride and arrogance, even the struggle with identity and truth; but what happens when the struggle is over? Do we ever overcome these things we have been battling for so long? Can we ever be blameless? I’m reminded of the scripture that says that Christ is coming back for a bride without spot or blemish, a blameless bride- one without sin, yet I look at the bride and we are full of sin. The sins of evil thoughts, talking about our brothers and sisters, quenching the Holy Ghost and etc. The bride of Christ at this very moment is full of sin…
I know that I will not reach perfection until my Lover comes to present me to the Father, but does that mean that I stop striving toward perfection? Does that mean that stop striving for freedom? Freedom from lust, perversion, guilt, shame, malice and hatred? Freedom from the “big” sins and the “small” sins? Since the Lover of my soul has not returned yet, does that mean I stay bound to sin? Bound to something that is tormenting me on a daily basis? Do I stay stuck?
I wanna be blameless…I want God to be able to look at me and say “her heart is pure before Me”. I want to be clothed in His Righteousness and Holiness. I want to look like the Son, I want to reflect Jesus. I wanna be blameless….
Many are asking that they be successful. Many are asking that they be rich. Many are asking that they be famous. Many are asking that their name be in lights and known to all the world. All I want in this life is to live a life that is pleasing to God- holy and acceptable. I want to live life free from the bondage of my past and past mistakes. I want God to see me in the image of His Son, blameless..
I refuse to work in ministry and battle depression/suicidal thoughts. I refuse to preach to others and engage in perverse behaviors such as pornography/ extramarital affairs and etc. I refuse to be over the children’s church and don’t believe a word that I’m teaching. I refuse to be over Sunday School and be addicted to prescription pills, drugs and alcohol. I refuse to minister “Jesus Saves” and pray for the whole nation and be entangled in secret sins and addictions because the same God that can save my family members and friends should be able to save me. We cannot free others unless we are free ourselves…We have to be blameless.
I know that this piece is not going to be the most popular article written but it’s the sharing of my heart with you. I share my heart because I have placed trust in you all – you guys are my blog family. This is my wish for myself and therefore I do not impose my standard upon you but as for me – I want to be reunited with the Lover of my Soul and He’s only going to receive me if I’m blameless. I love you all and have a blessed night!
Until next time,
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