I Just Don’t Know

I used to have all the answers

About how I felt about you

But, now I’m speechless…

I just don’t know

I used to be so clear

Clear about you

But, now no words come….

I feel stuck in the middle

Of speech and silence

Of happiness and anger

Of certainty and doubt

I just don’t know

To hear that you dream of me

The same way I dream of you

To hear that you think of me

As much as I think of you

To hear that I’m in your heart

The same way you’re in mine

My mouth is vacuum-sealed shut

Afraid that if I open my mouth

Things will change

You’ll decide otherwise

Because for the first time in my life

I have to decide whether it’s right

To love you again

To keep you at arm’s length

To allow between us more distance

And to tell you the truth

I’m no longer confident

That if I follow my heart

It won’t lead me astray

My gut failed me before

When it gambled on you

So now what?

What should I do?

I just don’t know….

“(c) Simone Holloway, 2014”

Featured Image Credit :http://i.imgur.com/BHSyEot.png

If A Man Don’t Work, He Don’t Eat…

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

Today was an interesting day, full of new revelations and discoveries.  So as I am now in the dating world, I have realized that the guys who are interested in me don’t seem to want to work for my heart.  It’s like they assume its going to be given to them, just because I’m a girl, attractive, and single.  Not so.  It’s like they pursue, call every now and then , “hang” out and then get lazy and quit pursuing.  I was taught that if you want something in life, you better work for it.  If its worth a lot to you, then you go after it.  If it holds value then you do whatever you need to do to make sure you have it in your hands…that’s why I’m so driven and ambitious because I pursue after what I want.  I’ve come to recognize my worth so I don’t pursue after guys, I let them pursue after me.  I don’t play hard to get, I am hard to get.  I don’t tolerate crap and I don’t lower my standard for a good time- I rise above the occasion and do the work needed to achieve my goals.  I go through the process.

 I went through the process to finish college in three years.  I went through the process to get a job as a paralegal.  I went through the process to get into law school.  I went through the process to be an ordained licensed minster at 21.  I went through the process and I continually go through the process to be who I want to be;  so why those who enter into my life don’t want to  go through the process?  Why should  I give someone something without requiring anything of them?  Shouldn’t the guy in my life have to work for my heart?

I think people look at me (esp. guys) and they are like she is so laid back , so easy to win, not a challenge but darling, I’m the biggest challenge of them all.  I am not desperate or “thirsty” and my Bachelors Degree is not something I just printed off of the internet.  I have a good head on my shoulders, I’m strikingly beautiful and my anointing speaks for itself so I don’t have to settle for someone who just wants to walk in and win me haphazardly, someone who doesn’t want to go through the process.  If a man don’t work, he doesn’t eat…you have to work for what you want and that includes a person like me.

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Featured Image: http://inspirably.com/uploads/user/6121-how-badly-you-want-something-dictates-how-hard-youll-work.png

Go Farther!

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers –

Today has been a long day.  A good day, but long!  I want to encourage you guys to go farther than the limitations that has been placed before you.  I know its late and you guys also had a long day, but I want you guys to know that you can go farther.  You can go farther than the limitations placed upon you from family, education, income, and even the limitations you have placed upon yourself.  You can go farther, do greater and achieve more than anything that you can ever imagine.  Dream big because a small mindset will limit you from being the best you can be.  I challenge you to go farther!

I hope you guys are having a restful evening and we’ll speak tomorrow!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Featured Image Credit: http://www.lastgreatroadtrip.com/wp-content/uploads/2008/11/go-farther-explore-the-road-less-traveled1.jpg

Who Said Anything About Jungle Fever?

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

As you may know, I have spent the year and a half trying to figure out this concept we call: love.  I have spent time in prayer, have searched  and read all kinds of dating articles and basically have scoured the internet on a definition with boundaries concerning love.  My special interest in this search was one of racial biases and whether or not love was truly color-blind as many say.  As I searched the web I found statistics such as : 4.6% black Americans are wed to a white partner whereas only 0.4 % white Americans wed a black partner.  A huge difference in all of this is the the majority of the 4.6 % are black men marrying white women.  Like all controversial topics, race and marriage is a heated one in both racial communities.  As a black female, I’ve always wondered why I would hear the same old same old, “you have to go out there and find you a good black man” .  For some weird reason it seemed that love was tied to my race, the color of my skin dictated who I would spend the rest of my life with.

I remember always being attracted to white men. It’s nothing personal to black men, I’m attracted to them too with their smooth chocolate skin and pearly white smiles,  but it seemed that it was just something about white men that excited me.  I felt like if I dated a white man, I was going against the grain- rebelling against what society wanted for me and was living life on the other side.  I truly believed in the color-blindness of love but my peers and members of the black community did not agree.  “You’re selling out” the women would tell me, family would say that my white man would mistreat me and in a fit of rage may call me the N word.  One girl came flat out and said it- “You’re not good enough for a white man, you’re black.  White men don’t want nothing ghetto and loud but someone who can handle their prestigious name.”  She was white by the way, go figure. lol.

This post is not to put anyone on blast but to challenge the norms of society.  Who says that my relationship with someone who doesn’t look like me is Jungle Fever?  Who invented that term?  Love between a black woman and a white man is not primitive  or remote.  This love is not some foreign concept that needs to be tamed because its savage.  When it comes to love, who said anything about jungle fever?  Who?

That’s the problem in our world today, we limit who we love based on stereotypes and preconceived notions about race.  We miss out on bridging two different communities because we marry within our own ethnic groups out of comfort.  We lack true cultural experiences and mutual understandings because even though we don’t have segregated water fountains anymore, our churches are segregated.  Its like we created two Gods: The White God who is docile and tranquil and soft spoken and the Black God who is rowdy, loud and in your face.  There is only one God who loves all races the same.  Shouldn’t that love be manifested in our relationships?

I know some might be reading this and say, we’re past racism and racial biases.  Heck, I chose my husband/wife not because of their race but because of mutual attraction.   That is all dandy and grand, it really is but to say we are past the race thing would be to deny that Christ died on the cross for humanity- basically lying to oneself.  It is not everyone’s purpose to go outside of their box of comfort and to date or marry someone who does not look like them but I believe that for those who do step outside the norms of their society- they will mirror a world that God truly desires- a world that is colorblind.

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Featured Image Credit:http://davemeeker.com/wp-content/uploads/2007/01/colorblind.jpg