Come Clean

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers –

Happy Freedom Friday! I know it’s been a while since I’ve featured a story but I’m working on that – I promise!  Anyways I thought that I would give you the ultimate secret to walking in freedom….I know, right? 😉  The ultimate tool to living in freedom just based on my personal experience is to :Come Clean.  Yep, that’s it!  Speak about what you are struggling with.  Talk about the demons you are fighting with someone you can trust.

You know as a God-fearing woman, I am not even close to perfection.  I feel like when you tell people you are a Christian, they expect you to be Mother Teresa or something- they expect perfection.  I’m not even close to perfection….not even close, but I’m striving in that direction. Because of some insecurities, feelings of rejection and the idea that I could never be loved- I found myself watching and getting into pornography.  This is strange from someone who had a great family background, one friend and seemed like the golden child.  The thing is the Enemy doesn’t care if you came from a good family or if you go to church, its His job to destroy mankind and sometimes He gets us to destroy ourselves with bad habits and addictions.  Anyways…I was in church struggling with this secret sin.  I wouldn’t engage in porn everyday but when I was super depressed- it was like a binge addiction.  It’s crazy how the virgin was a porn addict but that happens when you aren’t secure in who you are.  At first I was so ashamed to tell people that I needed help.  I needed help because I couldn’t dream without an explicit sex scene being in my mind.  I couldn’t look at people the same way because my vision was so sexual and I felt guilty by the thoughts I was having about people.  This thing was tormenting me and I wanted to be clean again.  I felt so dirty and tainted and I knew that God was not pleased with my actions…so I reached out for help.  I told my pastors( who are my parents) and they didn’t judge me like I thought – they prayed with me and and gave me some tools to break this habit.  I told my best friend and she would hold me accountable for what I watched on TV and etc.  I don’t have a porn addiction anymore and I don’t even watch R- rated movies with explicit scenes in them because I don’t want to put myself in that “dirty” place.  I had to come clean with God first and then with people I trusted so that I could get to the root of the problem within myself and receive freedom.

Coming clean is not always easy and sometimes its really scary because you don’t know how those you tell are going to react but I can tell you that coming clean takes courage and its worth it when you do.  The Enemy can not keep you bound to something that you exposed.  If you expose yourself, he can’t torment you with the secrecy of it all.  I learned that when you need help you are to live out your conviction and ask for help.  We are human and can’t save ourselves and when we think we can do it on our own we fail every single time.  We need a support system, we need to tell God ( even though He already knows) and we need to get healed.  Some of us are alcoholics, some of us are drug addicts (prescription drugs count), some of us self-mutilate and all of these habits and patterns stem from a deep level of hurt and pain that we cannot even describe.  We need to deal with these things and come clean.  I realized that my addiction to porn was stemmed from a level of rejection, loneliness and bitterness of what happened to me as a child.  It was my way of controlling the level of love my body experienced but you’ll never reached the first high  that you hit so I ended up more empty and the love I desired was more artificial than anything else.  I’m strong enough to tell the world about what I’ve been through because that is how we overcome, when we speak out about what we dealt with and what we are going through- WE BECOME VICTORIOUS!

If you don’t have anyone that you can talk to that you can trust, you can talk to me.  Email me at authenticlove789@gmail.com.  I check my email regularly and will respond to you promptly.  Now that I’m free…I will do whatever it takes to make sure you experience freedom.  I love each and everyone of you!! Remember: you can’t be bound to something that you expose!  If you have any questions for me- reach out!  I’m not easily embarrassed and I will answer your questions.

Finally….

“And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony,” Revelations 12:11a;

 “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.” James 5: 16a 

I love you!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Featured Image: http://www.nus.org.uk/_Handlers/ImageHandler.ashx?imageVaultId=12405&width=640&height=400

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