Four Hundred and Ninety Times

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

This week I was reminded of a passage in the NT, where Peter (good ‘ol Pete) asked “How many times should we forgive our neighbor/brother/whatever?, seven times? Jesus replied back to Peter “Not seven times, but I say seventy times seven times”  That equals to be four hundred and ninety times.  All of my life I have struggled with a tug of war to forgive or not forgive at all.  All of my life.  This week, this issue slapped me in the face and I came once again to the same crossroads:  To forgive or not to forgive. Someone who is really dear to me, my heart and soul, has a tendency to perpetually hurt me.  He is constantly breaking my heart and is unapologetic about his actions.  Once again, I came to the fork in the road- deciding whether I should forgive him and move on or take his actions into consideration and cut him out of my life.  Once again, I was at this fork and I had to choose what to do.  When Christ said these words, I believe He was instructing us to forgive constantly, regardless of the situation and circumstance.  But like Peter, I felt like I was at my 489th time with only one more free pass of forgiveness to give.  I was at the fork trying to figure out what I should do next.

I was talking to the Lord yesterday and in anger I exclaimed from my heart and my soul- “I am so over this bull—t”  Yes I swore, I’m not proud of it but in my anger I said a few four and five letter words that should not ever escape my pretty little mouth.  “I’m done loving someone who has proven with their actions time and time again that they do not truly love me, I am so f—ing over this s–t”.  I was at the road and I needed some guidance on what to do. I sat in my bathroom and cried because once again my heart was hurting and once again it was broken by someone I loved the most.

It was in this moment of sadness that I thought about something,  God knew exactly how I was feeling being that He experienced it himself.   He is gracious to me every single day, He is kind to mankind and yet we spit in His face, turn our backs on Him and perpetually break His heart.  He loves us the most.  I decided to forgive once again.  I did not feel like forgiving, I wasn’t super spiritual or holier than thou, in fact I was angry/ very angry but yet I chose to forgive and walk towards letting go.  Forgiveness is a choice its not a feeling.  I don’t always feel like doing good but I chose to do what’s right, what’s deemed good.   I don’t always feel like forgiving, trust me like Peter I would love a Forgiveness Quota but I choose to forgive because God chose to forgive me.

Four Hundred and Ninety Times in actuality equals eternity.

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

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