Have you ever been dropped? Dropped by your friends, co-workers, peers, etc? Have you ever had your heart smashed on the ground more times than you can count on your hand? And you try to mend this brokenness that you’re feeling with Elmer’s glue and a little duct tape? Have you ever wished that you lived a different life in a different time? Or perhaps you wished that those around you would be able to notice your brokenness, but their oblivious response to the breaking of your heart let’s you know that you’re in this battle by yourself. Have you ever needed a word of encouragement and those around you were silent? How about feeling so alone that even your attempts to talk to God leave you slightly depressed? Have you ever been in a place in life where it looks like you are on the outside, looking in? Or how about a place where life is moving ahead of you, but you feel like you’re standing still? Have you ever wanted to receive the love that you give out? So badly so, that you’ll settle for volatile relationships to compensate marginally for what you give? And even in this “settlement” so to speak, you still feel unsatisfied and empty? Have you ever realized that those who said that they would always be there for you, can’t be found? Or that those who said they loved you, didn’t really know what love was or how to love you? Or, how about this one, have you ever felt like if the wind blew hard enough, you would just vanish into thin air? You would crumble under the pressure? You would shatter into a billion pieces, like glass hitting the pavement? Well, have you?
This is where I am right now. I’m trying so hard to not break under the pressure. I’m trying so hard to not allow my heart to shatter once again, because honestly, I don’t think I can handle another heartbreak. I don’t think I can recover from being broken once again. I don’t think that this time, I can bounce back from negative words and actions. I don’t think that I can live in a place of inconsistency and broken promises. I don’t think that this time, I’m going to be okay when everything falls apart. Careful you guys, I’m fragile and one false move can break my heart into a billion tiny pieces. Who’s going to be around to clean up that mess? And if I was a gambling girl, I would bet that it wouldn’t be you.