Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-
Today has been a day marked with anticipation and wonder, a day filled with excitement and beauty. Last night I was really down in the dumps, I mean really down- EXTREMELY down. I was so down that I felt weak, vulnerable, fragile. I’m so happy that I serve a God that loves me in my weakness and who still carries me in my brokenness. When I realized that His strength was made perfect in my weakness, tears filled my eyes and my heart was overwhelmed with this AMAZING 🙂 🙂 feeling, It was like something I could not describe, a peace like no other and a happiness that could not be shaken by my present circumstances. God has my back; He knows exactly how I’m feeling and He knows how to love me even in this place of vulnerability.
For so long, I depended on people- people’s words, actions, encouragement, validation, praise but as I grow in my love relationship with God, I realize that people don’t matter and their influence means nothing. All that matters is God and HIs influence on me. I know that He loves me and that His love makes me complete and whole. He makes everything better! After I wrote you all last night, it was like a burden was lifted off of my shoulder because for one the first times in my life, I was completely honest about how I felt- and it was this truth that made me free. I feel good, I look good and I know that I am in the best place I could possibly be in life- in a weak place so that in my weakness- He can be STRONG!
Until next time,
P.S. His love fills me up like an ooey-gooey chocolate chip cookie ❤ ❤
Have you ever been dropped? Dropped by your friends, co-workers, peers, etc? Have you ever had your heart smashed on the ground more times than you can count on your hand? And you try to mend this brokenness that you’re feeling with Elmer’s glue and a little duct tape? Have you ever wished that you lived a different life in a different time? Or perhaps you wished that those around you would be able to notice your brokenness, but their oblivious response to the breaking of your heart let’s you know that you’re in this battle by yourself. Have you ever needed a word of encouragement and those around you were silent? How about feeling so alone that even your attempts to talk to God leave you slightly depressed? Have you ever been in a place in life where it looks like you are on the outside, looking in? Or how about a place where life is moving ahead of you, but you feel like you’re standing still? Have you ever wanted to receive the love that you give out? So badly so, that you’ll settle for volatile relationships to compensate marginally for what you give? And even in this “settlement” so to speak, you still feel unsatisfied and empty? Have you ever realized that those who said that they would always be there for you, can’t be found? Or that those who said they loved you, didn’t really know what love was or how to love you? Or, how about this one, have you ever felt like if the wind blew hard enough, you would just vanish into thin air? You would crumble under the pressure? You would shatter into a billion pieces, like glass hitting the pavement? Well, have you?
This is where I am right now. I’m trying so hard to not break under the pressure. I’m trying so hard to not allow my heart to shatter once again, because honestly, I don’t think I can handle another heartbreak. I don’t think I can recover from being broken once again. I don’t think that this time, I can bounce back from negative words and actions. I don’t think that I can live in a place of inconsistency and broken promises. I don’t think that this time, I’m going to be okay when everything falls apart. Careful you guys, I’m fragile and one false move can break my heart into a billion tiny pieces. Who’s going to be around to clean up that mess? And if I was a gambling girl, I would bet that it wouldn’t be you.