Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-
This morning, I thought I would get a head start on blogging being that there is no telling what time I will get the chance to speak with you all. I have the chance to speak to you guys everyday about what is on my heart. Today, my heart is pondering the value of good intentions; especially when it involves distance created by those you love dearly.
Sometimes in our lives, we go through things that we believe will hurt those we love the most. These things can be addictions or emotional baggage or just something in our hearts and minds that causes us to put our guards up. In an effort to protect the ones we love, we build this wall and we separate ourselves from them. Our love causes us to stay away, because we don’t want to hurt them with our words or actions. We seek to protect them from the messiness of our lives because we love them. At least this is the reason (given to me) for why those I love dearly continue to distance themselves away from me. They say it’s to protect me from what they are dealing with, from what they are handling.
The only problem is that this distance causes my heart to hurt. It’s like the tool those I love use to protect me, actually is like a knife cutting in to my heart. Those who say they love me, hurt me with their distance. I don’t like to feel disconnected, in fact I hate that feeling. It’s like your heart is unplugged… I’m the type of person that was created to journey with others. It’s what I do and when someone I am journeying with hide the way that they are feeling and leave me behind, it hurts. Sometimes I just feel like yelling, “Hey- I don’t need your protection, I can handle it!” “I can handle the way you are feeling, I can journey with you – I promise!”
If a person wants to hurt me all they have to do is hide, disappear, leave, distance themselves away from me because at the end of the day I felt their rejection and my heart closes to protect itself.
I can’t be loved from a distance.
They say distance makes the heart grow stronger, yeah for like the first two months…after awhile distance becomes a dart that reminds you consistently that you are disconnected, that the person you love the most is not near… In these moments you feel utterly alone and the distance used as protection makes you regret that you’ve given that person your heart in the first place.
The great thing about God is that there is no distance between me and Him, even when I am not where I am supposed to be- He never leaves me! He never disconnects Himself with me and He fixes the pain. He is always by my side!
Until next time,