Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers-
It’s the eve of my 27th birthday and I am super excited. I hope each of you had a great day. Today was great but a bit challenging. You know what they say, joy and sorrow usually present themselves simultaneously. Anyways I don’t know about each of you but I’ve been in this tug of war with my body. Some day its seems like I’m snatched to the gods and other days I feel like I should be featured on TLC’s My 600-lb Life. No lie. There is never a happy medium as I step on the scale. As I strive to maintain a healthy lifestyle full of balance and good decisions, not being able to fit my favorite clothes is not a happy trigger. I literally had a meltdown today as I bought a dress that would typically be my size but found out it was too small. I was like OMG! Why? And especially why on the eve of my birthday when I’m trying to figure out what I’m going to wear. I sat, closed my eyes and counted to ten and tried not to think of all the negative thoughts I’ve embraced about my body. Those who have been following the blog from the beginning knows of my history with EDs and how I’ve made healthy progress in embracing all of my stubborn thickness. Yet, today was not a positive day. It was rough, it was challenging and it was a jarring experience causing me to face a topic I’m a master at avoiding: my weight.
Yet, isn’t life like that? As soon as you think you’ve overcome a feeling, a thought or even a habit- here comes a situation to test your response, to reveal your default. Today’s dressing room nightmare was one of those situations, coming to test my perception of that little pudge around my mid-section that refuses to leave. I returned this beautiful outfit back to the store, acknowledged that your girl put on a few pounds and decided to own who I was right now. I’m not the same thin girl in high school, neither am I the chick who wore a solid six. Nope, I’m a little curvier, a little heavier and that’s okay. A liquid fast, short -term diets and body shaming was not going to yield me the results I desired. I needed to remind myself of my positive outlook on food, which is fuel, and how there was no need to be ashamed about my new dress size. I decided to own it!
So, what is your thing? The little monkey you can’t seem to get off of your back? The thing that you do not really like about where you are? Can I encourage you with something? Own it! Own your feelings. Own the situation. Own your part in changing it. Own it! Don’t shy away from it or hide but own it! Embrace it with love and change what you do not like fueled by love and not anxiety. I’m going to make some choices to get down to the desired 6/8 dress size but I’m refraining from demonizing my body to do so. I’m owning and embracing where I am and looking forward to where I am going.
Tonight’s my last night as 26. I am fearless, I am brave and I am full of courage with a THICK body. Tomorrow, I will 27 and will still be fearless, brave, and courageous with a THICK body. Either way, it all boils down to one simple truth: I am amazing. That is all and loves, goodnight!
Talk to y’all soon!