Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers-
Happy Sunday! I know it’s been a couple of days since my last post. Your girl has been busy, so I spent the last couple of days present with those I love- resting. As I get older, I’m learning to appreciate rest. Before we dive into tonight’s share fest, I’m going to ask you one question: Do you believe in relationship goals? You know, the trend lighting social media up with the admiration of a couple’s love story? Think about that concept and let’s dive in.
I was watching a video of a couple that I love dearly. This couple was going through a vow renewal and y’all the ceremony was perfect. The Husband went all out and included some amazing gifts at the ceremony. The Wife was so happy…it was something out of a romance novel or a Hallmark Channel Movie. As I watched their experience, I felt the urge to comment #goals. The only problem with this inclination was the fact that I was only witnessing a highlight in their love story. I wasn’t present during their times of conflict, neither was I there when they chose to not speak kindly one to another. I was only seeing one side of their story. As I began to learn more about them and their day to day experiences, I learned of their marital unhappiness. The smiles that flooded insta were no more and the persona maintained to be hope for other marriages was weighing in the balance. It was then that I had to ask myself some very hard questions:
Is it fruitful to be #goals if my relationship is not real? If it’s not rooted in truth, should my relationship be presented to the world as if it is? How long should we pretend to be happy for validation? For applause? For heart eye emojis? When do we decide that it’s better, to be honest, and present rather than popular?
I wish I had all the answers, it would make this love journey a whole lot easier. Yet, here I am learning along the way like many of you. That being said, I only desire that which is real. I want something real, something raw and transparent with nothing hidden in sight. I want the good, the bad and the ugly all wrapped in emotional growth and open communication. I want that which is a little messy requiring my hands to get into the dirt. For gardeners see the soil as life-giving and necessary rather than something to be avoided. I don’t want a love that is fronting for the gram or a relationship that is praised in public only to be a shipwreck behind closed doors. Nah. I want the real. The smiles, the laughter, but also the times of disagreements and handling real conflict. I think we need it all to make sober decisions about where we would like for our love journies to go.
I want something real! Something authentic! Something that is honest and can last beyond the applause and admiration of men.
I just want something real.
I watched as the ones I loved pretended for their audience. I watched them clench their teeth and say “Ok, here we go!” They took a deep breath and allowed their world to believe the lie. They weren’t happy, not even close but who cares because they were #goals.