Phone Calls

Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers- 

I’m an old soul, born circa ’93 but in my heart, I feel like I’m from an earlier era.  I love phone calls.  Yep, I’m one of those weird people that rather receive a phone call than an email or a text message.  It’s something about hearing the voice of those you love, it’s comforting yet exciting.  It’s a simple way of building connection and intimacy, two things that I hold dear.

I have a friend who is a master of connection.  She is the only one I know that loves phone calls, facetime, and face to face meetings.  It’s like she feels no anxiety as she bares herself to me in conversation.  Every time I’m with her I feel safely loved, heard and just free to be myself!  Over the past eight months, she has taught me about connection: both with God and others.

I realized that I shied away from connection because it allowed people to see me. And I mean see me: in rawness, brokenness and undone.  Yet, it is this baring of oneself that builds intimacy and connection.  If you cannot see me fully, then you cannot know me and you cannot love me.  Now, I find myself putting my phone down in the company of others, preferring face time calls, and wanting to have amazing conversations over a hot cup of coffee.  I prefer connection because to me:  it’s raw, it’s intimate, and it’s real.  Who wants to be in relationships and cannot be real?  Who wants to invest in something that only appears to be close?  That only appears to be solid?  Not me.  I’m good without the facade.  Give me the real, where I can hear in your voice that you’re not good.  The real, where I don’t have to decode your text messages or wonder why you used a certain emoji?  Instead of laughing emojis, I want to hear the ones I love laugh and I want to know that they are laughing from a genuine place.  At the end of the day, we all want something real.  Now, for my friends who are not like me, I’ve mastered my text game: GIFS, emojis, and short paragraphs of text but in my heart, I love a good phone call!

So why talk about phone calls? Well… maybe because we live in a world where people desperately want to feel connected.  To something, to anything; to someone, to anyone.  There are people all around us who want to know that they are seen, heard, loved and valued.  If we look up from our screens and start looking into the face of those around us, maybe we will build connections based on the raw, based on the real.  It’s harder to forget about those whose voices you hear frequently- that’s why when someone is around you all the time, you find yourself feeling closer to them.  On the flip side, those we only engage with via social media from time to time and even through an occasional text, sometimes we forget about them.  We forget to see how they are doing, beyond the highlight reel, we forget that we were once apart of their lives.  Our friendships lack communication, our relationships lack depth and before you know it, it’s easier to move on breaking covenants because what we had lacked the real- it lacked connection beyond a keyboard.

I encourage you to look up!  To be aware of those around you.  I encourage you to come out of your comfort zone and to connect.  I love phone calls, but it’s because at the end of the day I am okay with vulnerability. Are you okay with being vulnerable?  Are you okay with revealing who you are to have depth in your relationships? It’s okay if you’re not ready yet.  It’s okay if vulnerability frightens you, but I can guarantee that the level of love you desire is only coming through vulnerability.  What you want in your friendships and relationships is only going to come through revealing who you are, baring yourself to your inner circle.  Depth only comes through the raw, it’s only strengthened through the real. Happy connecting!

Xoxo,

Simone 

 

 

7 Types of People to Keep Out of Your Life

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

Happy Thursday! This week has been an interesting, for the lack of a better word.  I sprained my ankle, had my piece published with @letsbefrankco, and begun to understand the value of good friends and company.  I don’t know about you all but I remember having awful individuals in my life (friends, significant others and etc.).  Bless Jesus for the come up, and now looking back here is my concise list of people that I advise one should remove from their life.  Let the countdown begin!!!!

#7- The Narcissist (the one wrapped up within themselves).  It’s all about them.  Seriously, the world revolves around their needs,hopes and desires.  If you are having a bad day, you’ll get scolded because their day was worse.  If you experience a victory, you’ll feel inferior being that their victory supersedes yours.  This is the friend that when you go to talk to them about you, they monopolize the conversation and it ends up being all about them.  The conversation goes a little like this… “Hey girl!/ Hey! / So I wanted to tell you- / Girl, guess what? / What?/ Girl I got a new job at that swanky new restaurant in town./ Oh wow…congrats!/ Yeah girl, thought I would tell you!/ Okay, cool./ Well, I got to go. *click*(phone hangs up) Umm… okay… well… yeah.”  It’s like what was on your heart was not as important as what was on your friend’s heart.  Friendship is about sharing your hearts with one another, it’s about the journey.  It’s talking and listening and being really considerate to each other’s needs.  If you come into contact with this type of person… RUN!

#6- The Debbie Downer.  Are you a glass half empty person or a glass half full type of person?  I’m a glass half-full gal and I just cannot be around a negative person for too long. This is the person that no matter what is going on in the world, chooses to reflect on the worst things possible.  Like… it’s like sunshine, bunnies, and rainbows do not exist in the Debbie Downer’s world.  I think there is only thunderstorms, car accidents and  a series of unfortunate events that exists in the universe of the Debbie Downer.   Oh… and don’t get me started on how there is nothing to be grateful for.  This is the person that if someone gave them a free meal, will complain about how the meal includes fries instead of tater tots.  Like, why is that distinction so important?  The meal is free! Debbie Downers have a way of just creating a negative atmosphere and before you know it- you’re sad, depressed or angry: even though you were in happier spirits ten minutes before.  Joy is hard to come by so at all costs, protect the state of your joy and happiness and the peace of your spirit.  Say goodbye to Debbie and try a different friend or acquaintance that is going to make you think about life in a positive way.

#5- The Insecure Homie.  This is the person that you find yourself in competition with, even though you never signed any forms to enter the contest in the first place.  This is the friend/associate that has to make it abundantly clear that they are happy all the time and that everything is working out for them as well.  This is the friend/associate that instead of congratulating you on your accomplishments, feels the need to one-up you with their own “victories”  This is the friend/associate that likes to gossip because fixating their time in the degradation of others makes them  feel some sense of validation.  This is the friend/associate that feels the need to make you question who you are in order to build themselves up.  This person is not aware of themselves, neither are they secure in who God created them to be, so they strive to tear down those around them who walk in confidence.  These types of people are some of the worst people to enter into relationships with because they are so willing to hurt others to get what they desire- Beware. If your friend/associate cannot celebrate you and enjoy you as a human being without feeling intimidated then I would put out an application for a new friend.  At the end of the day, God made us different with strengths and weaknesses and we should be able to love each other and celebrate those strengths together.

BTWS: For romantic relationships- if he is jealous of all of your guy friends and believe that there is a possibility that you are not going to be faithful in yalls relationship then he may be insecure about being enough for you as a partner.  AND VICE VERSA.  If she is jealous of every female in your life including your best friend from K5 – then she may be insecure about being enough for you as a partner.  This is why you’re always faced with the accusations of cheating and this question of trust.  Because in reality, these individuals do not think highly of themselves to believe that their partner will be faithful in their love and commitment to them and therefore they project that fear onto their partnerships. (this is where you see all of the games played and nonsense… smh…)

#4- The Secret- Teller.  Are you a refrigerator? My mom taught me that a refrigerator is the person that can hold something, the person that people can confide in with assurance that what was spoken to them will – stay with them. Some people are not refrigerators, they can’t hold water.  The secret-teller is the person that you share a secret with and then the next day, you hear what was shared from someone you did not talk to.  Do you know how embarrassing that is?  To share your heart (intimate details and all) with one person and hear your exact words out of the mouth of another?  Like..it’s mortifying!  And then you question yourself, like “did I share this with them?”   Oh my goodness, it’s so awful.   This type of person is always “accidentally” sharing your business with others.  They are always in the know/”nosey” and to me, cannot be trusted.  How can I trust and confide into someone that is always going to share my business?  Once you spot this person in your life, limit what you share!  Only share what you want the world to know and understand that this person, though super sweet and nice – might not be able to handle certain facts about you.

#3- The Ghost. Umm… this is the person that appear and disappear out of your life on their terms.  It’s like now you see them, now you don’t.  This is the person that comes into your life, builds a relationship with you and as soon as you become attached to their presence- they’re gone!  I remember being friends with Casper, I spoke with him on the daily and then one day-*poof*- he was gone.  I don’t know why people ghost or leave unexpectedly but I do know that you cannot allow these people to taint your view of love, commitment, relationships and life.  Move forward and maintain relationships with those that have proven themselves consistent.

#2-The Perpetual Victim. This is the person that no matter what happens, they are going to blame you for their unhappiness.  Oh… and don’t make a mistake one time because then you’ve given them the script for their soap opera, featuring them as the perpetual victim.  This is the person that manipulates you into constant guilt. They use phrases like, “because of you, I’m the way I am.” or “You made me this way” or “Look at what you did.” It’s like they find pleasure in stacking these huge layers of guilt and blame on you, to justify their bad behavior.  Please disconnect yourself from anyone that makes you feel this way.  If God does not place such heavy shame and condemnation upon us, why should we accept that type of shame and condemnation from anyone else?

Lastly, 

#1- The Leech.  This is the person that sucks the living life out of you. Like, they drain everything out of you.  After being with them, you feel void of life and energy.  These types of people are emotionally draining, and you start to see the effects on your physique.  I would encourage you to separate yourself from these type of people, because relationships (in any form) like these are not healthy or productive for your growth as a human being.  God created from us to thrive and to live  life abundant in him.  He did not create us to be drained by the cares of life or the parasitic tendencies of toxic people.  Trust me, there are some amazing people in the world that will make life a whole lot better!  These individuals will be a breath of fresh air and add to who you are, these individuals are a blessing.

Well guys, I hope you enjoyed my countdown.  I’m so sorry for the late post, life kinda caught up with me but I enjoyed sharing my heart with each of you.  Stay positive, stay strong, and stay in pursuit of God!  I love you all and goodnight…

Until next time,

Simone

FIC: http://www.allthingsbackpacking.net/wp-content/uploads/2012/09/keep-away-caution-sign-s-2435.gif

 

An Orange Tombstone

Peering into the portals of the past…

9/15/12- “Don’t  forget…”

An orange glossed ticket stands between hope and disappointment,

as my heart broke at the sound of your empty presence.

Ricocheting previous trust  issues,

crashing the building of acceptance I built for only you.

My walls bare with guards became surrounded,

my emotional SWAT team came to its emergency rescue.

I sat in the blazing heat.

I looked at the field of sunsets and orange haze blinded my perception of you.

I left hating your school and I too believed the lie that …

even you was too good to be true.

Deception fueled by your lies, I swore my hatred would last forever.

Even as the shadow of death came and  killed our friendship in death valley-

Memorial stadium became a place of remembrance of what we had.

In that sacred ground, I buried my allegiance to you and I left never looking back.

It was there, I buried pure hope in  you….

©Simone Holloway, 2016

 

FIC:http://www.travisbellphotography.com/wallpapers/clemson.death.valley.fireworks.1s.jpg

Empty Promises

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers- 

How are you guys doing?  My mind just took a turn down memory lane, it does that sometimes.  I used to think my memory was a curse, a realm of my mind that constantly brought up things I wished I could forget, but now I believe it is a blessing- a contributor to lessons learned and the reason wisdom takes top priority in the character wish list.

It is not until you at the end of an empty promise that you understand the importance of keeping one’s word.  A man’s word is his bond, bond can be defined as an agreement with legal force..a promise, vow , or word of honor.  I’ve been on the receiving end of empty promises so much so that for a period of time, I lacked faith in one’s words or agreements made with me.  This trust was so diminished that I expected everyone to disappoint me, and you can’t have long lasting friendships when you’re expecting disappointment.  But, hey- you get what you expect right?

A distant memory triggered today’s discussion.  Once upon a time, I was friends with a guy that I worked with.  We became close very fast and anyways, he was giving me a ride home from work when he made a definite statement “I intend on hanging out with you this summer.”  I didn’t ask for him to hang out with me outside of work.  I never pushed a deeper friendship with him, so this took me aback for a moment, but at the same time my friend circle was so small that I was excited at the thought of adventures this summer with him.  That summer came and left- we never hung out that summer.  Again I was at the end of an empty promise, I should have expected it, but I didn’t and that was what made it hurt even more.

Good intentions paved the pathway to hell.  We all intend to do things, but how many of us actually follow through.  Like, really follow through.  Talk is cheap and intentions mean nothing without action, so today I encourage you guys to watch what you say you intend to do.  If you make a promise, keep it!  A man/woman is only as good as their word, if you lack the ability to follow through- making promises isn’t for you.  Some people can’t follow through, they have big vision and big dream but lack the capability to bring those things to life, causing what they imagined to die right in their hands.

Watch what you say, because your words have duel power- the power to make someone’s life better and/or the power to make someone’s life worse.  Keep your empty promises to yourself!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Featured Image Credit: http://churchofthefridge.com/blog/wp-content/uploads/2015/03/empty-promises.jpg

To Be Known For Our Love

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

I just got in from a hectic day; filled with surprises, tasks and just the mundane routines of life. It was a day that kept me on my toes but I am now exhausted.  I am so tired and I’m going to enjoy going to bed early.  I just read something interesting that I thought I would share with each of you.

1 John 4:20 says ” Whoever claims to love God yet hates a brother or sister is a liar. For whoever does not love their brother and sister, whom they have seen, cannot love God, whom they have not seen.”

This provoked a topic of conversation that I wish to invite you my fellow friends into: Christianity and Racism.  I talk to so many people who claim to love God and follow Him, yet they hate others based upon their race/ ethnicity.  I think John makes a great point in that we see people everyday, of different shades of pigment/ complexion but we have yet to have seen God.  If you have seen God, please inbox me – share your experience with me!  Please do, because I long for the day I will reunited with the Lover of My Soul face to face. If I can love God and I haven’t seen him, how can I not love my neighbor who I see everyday.  John calls those who claim to do these contrary things, a liar: one engaging in falsehood.

I am very passionate about the love of God and I believe that God loves everyone.  He loves us whether we are black, white, yellow, brown, purple, blue, etc… He loves the flaws we hate, He simply loves us and He extends this love through the companion of His Son. If I am a Christian, as I say- I follow/believe and obey Jesus Christ.  Christ did not come and die only for a particular racial group- He died for all.  When we get to heaven, we will not be separated, but will have to live in peace and harmony with individuals who do not look like we do: God made it that way to promote love between all men.

So racism and hatred in the Church should not be.  God is a God of love.  He’s a God of judgment but He is love and He loves mankind,even when we don’t love or accept Him.  He loved us so much that He gave everything for us to be able to have a relationship with Him.  Where sin separated us from Him, His love reunited us through the sacrifice of the cross.  Who are my brothers and sisters? Those that do the will of God, regardless of their complexion, language and culture.  Those are my  brothers and sisters.

It’s time for the church to speak out against racism/hatred and to show the world that we are to be known by our love.

Jesus said “Your love for one another will prove to the world that you are my disciples.” (John 13:35)

How do you know if you are a disciple of Christ? Check your love for those around you….

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Featured Image Credit: https://writingonwomenwriters.files.wordpress.com/2013/05/black-white-hands.jpg

Hey, Let’s Talk

Do you talk to your friends?  How often do you talk to them? What about your best friends, do you talk to them more or less than your other friends? I talk to my best friend at least a bare minimum of once a day, I do.  It’s like we can talk for hours and still have something to talk about the next day.  It’s the same with God.  We’re friends, and I just happen to talk to him frequently as well.  When you are in relationship with someone (no matter who it is), it is not hard to talk to that person daily, in fact it’s something that you strive to do.  God wants to be our friends.  He wants to have a relationship with us to the point that we speak to him daily, maybe even multiple times during the day.  He doesn’t want us to have a shallow relationship with Him but rather would like for our relationships with Him to deepen into something more.  He wants a love relationship with us and you know what they say, you  usually fall for your best friend.  Church folk call talking to God: prayer.  It’s not something deep and super religious, prayer is simply talking to God.  Period.  Saying hello counts as prayer.  Telling God how you feel about someone or something counts as prayer.  Finally, sharing God your secrets and your heart, counts as prayer.  He wants to hear from you and as always He is standing at the door of your heart saying, “Hey, Let’s Talk.”

Happy Conversating,

Mo