Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers-
Happy Monday! I hope you’re having a great day. It’s the beginning of my birthday week and I’ve been reflecting on my milestones while being “26”. I truly believe that “27” is going to be an amazing year for me. God has already given me my word for my 27th year and I’m extremely grateful. 26 was all about becoming fearless. Friends, I can honestly say that I am truly fearless. I feel the presence of fear but I don’t succumb to it, I choose faith instead. Over the last few months, the Lord and I have tackled some of my deepest fears: fear of vulnerability and fear of my trust being abused. Like many of you, I have endured some heavy relational pain in my lifetime. This pain has taught me to keep a guard up, not allowing my heart to trust as quickly as before. While my protective measures kept some terrible people out, it also hindered those who truly loved me from coming in. This left me unsatisfied with my relationships and stifled growth.
Well, one day, I did what any brave soul would do- I began to talk about my fears. Yep, I confessed them to a good friend of mine. My friend and I were on the phone chatting about my fears when we began to talk about my strengths and weaknesses. My friend was super excited to speak about my strengths, elaborating on all of the things I did well. However, he hesitated as he came to my weaknesses. I don’t know if he was uneasy with being critical with me or if he was just unsure about how I would respond to what he had to say, but he took a slight breath and continued, “You know, you need to trust a little more.” I paused before speaking and I knew that his words were true. I did need to trust a little more. However, if I’m honest- I was afraid to trust. I was afraid to trust others and I was afraid to trust myself.
There is nothing worse than getting to a place where you don’t trust yourself to choose well. I have made some amazing choices, some not so much but it was the choices that I thought were good but turned out to be terrible that really paralyzed me. The aftermath of what I thought were “blessings” scarred me in such a way that I began to shut myself off relationally. What I found to be common among those with experiences like mine is that sometimes especially if we’re believers, we begin to use the God-card as justification for our dysfunction. It was not until I had that conversation with my friend, that I was challenged into a new perspective. Maybe just maybe, I can not only trust myself but my connection with the Lord. He’s not going to lead me astray so I don’t have to hide in fear that those who enter into my life will cause me pain.
Love is not fully experienced until we are brave enough to enter into vulnerability. Love is about taking risks, trying things with no fear of mistake. Love was created to be both given and received fully and to do that we must trust.
Friends, I’m not asking you to trust blindly or to ignore red flags in the name of love. Instead, I’m asking you to open your heart to the idea that there are good people out there. Open yourself to the belief that there are people who really love you with no strings attached. Be free to believe that those around you are not out to get you. Lastly, share your fears and be honest with a professional about your trauma. Trust within a healthy community is life-giving for no one was created to experience this life alone.
I opened up to my friend. It was the first step but a huge one. Now, I’m trusting those given to me: I’m trusting their words, their intentions and I’m looking at them through the purity of love- a lens that keeps no record of wrongs. Loves, I’m trusting a little more…