Hello old friends, new followers, and fellow bloggers–
Wowzers… What I can I say? 2L year is officially over and it seemed like yesterday, I was prepping for the move to law school. I remember feeling anxious but incredibly excited that I was getting the chance to pursue my dream. Fast forward and my dream almost killed me: from the competitive environment to the failure to meet my own expectations to the self-doubt that clouded my mind questioning if I could really be who God created me to be. Could I do this? I mean, really do this? This wasn’t my favorite movie, Legally Blond, neither was it my all-time TV show NCIS but this was real life. There was not Annalise Keating, no Law and Order and no JAG, this was real, scary, and seemed to be impossible. The joy that awaited me once I entered the program quickly disappeared and I found myself hoping each day just to “get through.” If only I could get through the day, then I can get through the week, hopefully, the month, semester, and year. What do you do when you’re in your dream, but you hate it? I woke up each day dreading what was in front of me, for I knew that I was up against all manners of evils. I faced the evils of comparison, anxiety, fear, diminished self-worth and the worst evil of all: the lack of motivation, drive, and ambition towards my dream. I wanted to be a lawyer so that I could help people, but I didn’t know that my desire to change the world was going to cost me so much. Who knew that to accomplish something so great, one would have to experience so much pain? I had no idea that this school year was going to be one that extended me beyond my breaking point. It was this school year that I thought about giving up and changing careers. I literally walked into the Dean’s office and made plans to withdraw from school. It was this year that I discovered who my real friends were because during shaky times, it was those I placed trust within that betrayed me. It was this year, I came face to face with my own insecurities and fears and just when I thought I was going to lose it all, the grace of the Father came and rescued me time and time again. This is not just some ordinary, she got through the year hooray post but rather a post celebrating the fact that I survived a year designed to kill me. This year was designed to kill my joy, my trust, my faith, it was designed to cause me to lose hope and to leave God behind. Yet, here I am: stronger than ever! Though this was one of the hardest school years, it was the best because it taught me more about God and myself. I discovered the depth of my strengths and embraced the vulnerability of my weaknesses. This was the year I got through!
I don’t know what you’re facing, and have no idea the level of pain you’re experiencing but if I can encourage you with anything, God has the power to bring you through whatever you are in. I promise you, speaking from personal experience that even when you don’t have the strength to keep going, God will give you the strength to keep moving forward. Trust me, I thought I was going to be a law-school dropout but instead, I’m entering my last year moving one step closer to my goal. Keep moving, cry if you must, be angry, feel and watch God carry you through even this. Once you get to the other side, you cease to remember the pain it took to get there.
Featured Image Credit: Joyce Meyers Ministries (https://www.joycemeyer.org/-/media/joycemeyer/everyday-answers/teachings/3×1/getting_through_hard_times_3x1_sd.jpg?h=240&w=720&la=en&hash=20FB683C48AA6FF3A6DACA5BCF58055A7E3478A1)