Your Life Means Something

Dear Reader (Yes, you!),

I know that sometimes it seems that what you do means nothing.  I know that sometimes it seems that you are invisible, like no one can see.  Like no one can see that you are hurting, that life is not what it “cracks up” to be.  I know that it seems like no one can see that you’re empty, that you’re running on fumes- that you lack motivation and drive.  I know that it seems like no one can see that you’re broken, that your heart is shattered into a million pieces.  Like no one can see that you’re lonely, rejected and you feel unloved.  I  know that sometimes it seems like no one can hear the negative words that people say to you, or even the words that you mutter to yourself.  Like no one can hear your feet slipping, like you’re bound to fall to your doom.  I know that it seems like no one can relate to what you’re going through.  Like no one knows what it’s like to be in your shoes.

I know, I know….

I am writing to you today to let you know that someone sees, hears and knows. God sees, hears and knows.  God sees you.  He sees you when you wake up, wishing that you hadn’t.  He sees you as you go to work and feel like a failure.  He sees how people treat you and He sees as your heart breaks to the sadness you experience.  He sees you as you look in the mirror and hate what you see…you hate what He made: you.  He looks at you in all of His beauty and He smiles at the work of His hands.  He looks down at you and He smiles because He loves you more than anything else- He loves you.  He knows that sometimes it’s hard to be alive, so He comes with His hands outstretched full of peace and grace for the day.  He extends His love to you.  When you think you’re going to fall, He’s there waiting to catch you.  When you think you’re invisible and that no one cares, He’s there looking and watching out for you.  When you think that life has dealt you an awful hand in life, He watches and He rigs the dice in your favor.  He wants the best for you, He desires to love you.  He desires you!

Your life means something to Him..it’s more valuable than rubies and diamonds.  More precious than silver and gold.  Your life means everything to Him, you mean the world to Him- He loves you!  He sees every tear that you cry, every sleepless night,and He is touched by the condition of your heart.  He is touched by your circumstances and your situations.  He is touched by you and He seeks to make things better- He wants to love you.  You are necessary, valuable and an asset to society.  You are His prize, most precious possession- but will you let Him love you?  Will you allow Him to wrap you in His arms and make everything alright?  Will you let Him in?  He loves you where you are and want to bring you to where you need to be. He wants to love you deeper than you’ve ever been loved before, but you gotta let Him in.  You have to allow Him to love you deeply.

You mean the world to the Creator of it.

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

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Now vs. Then

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

What has our world come to? There are so many dating apps available today.  Either I am swiping left or right or answering questions about my music taste or I am sending an instant message to “break the ice”.  In this hookup culture, no one is looking for a date but rather a chance to “hang out” with no commitment or anything.  No one is looking for a relationship but rather casual sex and maybe breakfast the next day – if you’re lucky.  This is the generation that we have become, this is what we have created our dating culture to be.  You know what?  This culture sucks!  It’s nothing like the time of our grandparents, when men would come to the door to speak to a lady’s father before asking her out on a date.  Or when a date was scheduled more than 24 hours in advance, or a time when the date was at a place where dressing nice was a requirement rather than an option.  That was our grandparents time…a time where chivalry was not rare but rather something that was cherished and taught.  It was time when a guy would call on the phone to ask a lady out on a date, he didn’t message her on Tastebuds…  If only we could come back to the simplicity of those times.  Just a thought!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

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Something Deeper?

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

With the world being so content with the superficiality of life, I am always looking for something deeper.  In fact, this is one of the qualities I look for in a relationship- something deeper than what’s on the surface.  I look for a relationship that is open and honest, heartfelt and true, for something that goes beyond a favorite color or band.  I’m always looking for something that broaden my horizons and causes me to see the world in a different way.  I want to be asked a question that actually requires thought and not just some vain repetition that can be answered by reading my profiles on social media.  I want to be asked about my dreams and ambition, my fears and regrets…something deeper.

As I live in this world, I find that thought-provoking conversation is missing from our social lives because frankly, people have stopped caring. The problem is, I still care-about people and their lives.  The next person that comes into my life has to be able to have a thought-provoking conversation with me and hold their own.  I would like for them to have an opinion and know why they feel the way they do.  Lastly, I want to learn from them.  I want to learn about life and about myself from being in their presence….I want something deeper.  This sounds like a tedious request and one that requires some type of effort or work, but I believe that these deep conversations cause relationships to not only start but last- I want my relationship to last!  

I encourage you to be the person that pursues after something deeper in life, knowing that the shallow and superficiality of the dating game will only get you so far.  

There has to be something deeper than physical appearance.  There has to be something deeper than what’s in a person’s bank account.  There has to be something deeper than the LOLs and the TTYLs that pop up on the phone from time to time.  There has to be something deeper than a list of favorites combined, life has to be deeper and I believe that relationships should reflect accordingly.

 I want something deeper and one day I’m going to have just that!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

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Anything Broken Can Be Fixed: A Reconciling God

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

So I was thinking….if something can break then it can be fixed, right? At least I believe so.  I’m sitting in my office and just reflecting on the goodness of God and His power to reconcile and heal.  It’s so easy to think that something that breaks will remain broken forever, which is not necessarily true.  Just because something is broken now, doesn’t mean that it will remain that way forever.

As an optimist, which is probably not the best mindset for my profession lol., I am always looking for the possibility of a good outcome.  So if my friendship breaks for whatever reason, it doesn’t mean that it can’t be repaired.  The only way something can not be fixed, is if I choose not to fix it or if the other individual doesn’t want to fix it.  I am a strong believer that if you want something repaired, you can repair it with God’s help and grace.

God is a fixing God…He loves to reconcile good relationships, destroy bad ones and remind us that just because something looks a certain way now doesn’t mean it will be that way forever.  In  life, there are no guarantees…. We are not guaranteed to live another moment, or to enjoy what’s around us for a second longer than usual.  The only guarantee in life is God and His goodness, grace and mercy.  That being said; things change, people change, situations change and anything can happen.  So just because my sister and I aren’t speaking now doesn’t mean it will remain that way forever. (Just an example, my sister and I are besties lol).  i believe in the possibility of reconciliation and I know that God can do just that.

He reconciled us with His son…so why can’t He repair your relationships?  I think He can!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

I Run This…

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

I know it’s late but I could not got to bed without speaking to y’all today.  Let’s see, it was homecoming for the university I graduated from- so I spent time catching up with old friends and just loving on people.   Catching up can be very tiring and that led to a 3 hour nap and HuluPlus marathon shortly afterward.  I got a free moment to study the Sunday school lesson for tomorrow and I was reminded of the goodness of God and His sovereignty.  I was reading Job and when God confronts Job about his attitude towards his situation and etc, He says “I’m in charge of all this—I run this universe!” (Job 41:11 MSG). So I thought I would tell you what He whispered to me ..”I run this…”

Sometimes its easier to think that we are on the same level as God, like we control our own destinies.  Yes, we make choices that affect our lives but at the same time we are creation trying to figure out the Creator.  I have been so guilty of this…guilty of thinking that I know more than God and then becoming frustrated with Him when my life doesn’t turn out the way I planned.  Reading about Job sort of put me in my place.  I wasn’t around when the world was created, I did not tell the ocean how to be formed or instruct the animals how to live their life.  I was created like everything else, programmed with a distinct plan for my existence.  I didn’t think of myself and say hey I want to be on the earth..”Presto..be born.” In fact, I wasn’t around to make sure my parents got together, I wasn’t even around for their births.  I am just a product of God’s plan, a player in His game of chess and ultimately not someone that He has to answer to or be accountable to.  I am not on His level.  But…my attitude was saying something different as I questioned His about my circumstances, as I questioned His about His plan.  My attitude at its worst said “Hey You!  Answer to me – why?” Totally unacceptable.

Sometimes we needed to be reminded of who we are in relation to Him and then we’ll find ourselves full of humility and repentance.  I bowed my head and I repented for my attitude and how I approached Him concerning my situation.  In Job 38-41, God ask Job if He would like to take over His responsibilities as orchestrator of the universe- Job fell silent.  That’s how I feel, I don’t want God’s job: too much pressure and I’ll mess up .  I will fail humanity, where as He never fails.  He has a plan.  He knows what He is doing.  I think  we forget that God is not new at His job, been doing the same things since the beginning of time. This is not His first go around at the rodeo.  When we begin to think in this mindset, we begin to see ourselves as we truly are ( not on his level), and we begin to realize that we can trust Him. We can trust God with our lives…He knows more than we do.

Isaiah 55: 8-9 (MSG) says…

 I don’t think the way you think.
    The way you work isn’t the way I work.”
        God’s Decree.
“For as the sky soars high above earth,
    so the way I work surpasses the way you work,
    and the way I think is beyond the way you think

He doesn’t see things the way we do…our knowledge is limited, we only see so much but He knows and sees all…  He does things differently.

Jeremiah 29: 11 (MSG) says..

I know what I’m doing. I have it all planned out—plans to take care of you, not abandon you, plans to give you the future you hope for.

He knows what He is doing….He runs this!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Come Clean

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers –

Happy Freedom Friday! I know it’s been a while since I’ve featured a story but I’m working on that – I promise!  Anyways I thought that I would give you the ultimate secret to walking in freedom….I know, right? 😉  The ultimate tool to living in freedom just based on my personal experience is to :Come Clean.  Yep, that’s it!  Speak about what you are struggling with.  Talk about the demons you are fighting with someone you can trust.

You know as a God-fearing woman, I am not even close to perfection.  I feel like when you tell people you are a Christian, they expect you to be Mother Teresa or something- they expect perfection.  I’m not even close to perfection….not even close, but I’m striving in that direction. Because of some insecurities, feelings of rejection and the idea that I could never be loved- I found myself watching and getting into pornography.  This is strange from someone who had a great family background, one friend and seemed like the golden child.  The thing is the Enemy doesn’t care if you came from a good family or if you go to church, its His job to destroy mankind and sometimes He gets us to destroy ourselves with bad habits and addictions.  Anyways…I was in church struggling with this secret sin.  I wouldn’t engage in porn everyday but when I was super depressed- it was like a binge addiction.  It’s crazy how the virgin was a porn addict but that happens when you aren’t secure in who you are.  At first I was so ashamed to tell people that I needed help.  I needed help because I couldn’t dream without an explicit sex scene being in my mind.  I couldn’t look at people the same way because my vision was so sexual and I felt guilty by the thoughts I was having about people.  This thing was tormenting me and I wanted to be clean again.  I felt so dirty and tainted and I knew that God was not pleased with my actions…so I reached out for help.  I told my pastors( who are my parents) and they didn’t judge me like I thought – they prayed with me and and gave me some tools to break this habit.  I told my best friend and she would hold me accountable for what I watched on TV and etc.  I don’t have a porn addiction anymore and I don’t even watch R- rated movies with explicit scenes in them because I don’t want to put myself in that “dirty” place.  I had to come clean with God first and then with people I trusted so that I could get to the root of the problem within myself and receive freedom.

Coming clean is not always easy and sometimes its really scary because you don’t know how those you tell are going to react but I can tell you that coming clean takes courage and its worth it when you do.  The Enemy can not keep you bound to something that you exposed.  If you expose yourself, he can’t torment you with the secrecy of it all.  I learned that when you need help you are to live out your conviction and ask for help.  We are human and can’t save ourselves and when we think we can do it on our own we fail every single time.  We need a support system, we need to tell God ( even though He already knows) and we need to get healed.  Some of us are alcoholics, some of us are drug addicts (prescription drugs count), some of us self-mutilate and all of these habits and patterns stem from a deep level of hurt and pain that we cannot even describe.  We need to deal with these things and come clean.  I realized that my addiction to porn was stemmed from a level of rejection, loneliness and bitterness of what happened to me as a child.  It was my way of controlling the level of love my body experienced but you’ll never reached the first high  that you hit so I ended up more empty and the love I desired was more artificial than anything else.  I’m strong enough to tell the world about what I’ve been through because that is how we overcome, when we speak out about what we dealt with and what we are going through- WE BECOME VICTORIOUS!

If you don’t have anyone that you can talk to that you can trust, you can talk to me.  Email me at authenticlove789@gmail.com.  I check my email regularly and will respond to you promptly.  Now that I’m free…I will do whatever it takes to make sure you experience freedom.  I love each and everyone of you!! Remember: you can’t be bound to something that you expose!  If you have any questions for me- reach out!  I’m not easily embarrassed and I will answer your questions.

Finally….

“And they overcame him by the blood of the Lamb and by the word of their testimony,” Revelations 12:11a;

 “Confess your faults one to another, and pray one for another, that ye may be healed.” James 5: 16a 

I love you!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

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Return

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

How are you guys doing?  I hope all is well!  I wanted to spend a few minutes of your time, encouraging you.  I wanted to encourage you to return.  “Return to what?” you may be asking.  I want to encourage you to return back to a lifestyle, language, and mindset of faith.  I want to encourage you guys to return back to that place of hope that each and everyone of you all were in.  I get how hard life can be, trust me -I do; but I also know that hope is available and its better to live in hope than to live in doubt.

I lost my way for a second, I got off course but now I’m back and I want to encourage all of you who have given up and thrown in the towel to return with me.

Let’s return to our native environment, one of hope and faith.

Let’s return home!  

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

A Limitless God

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

So…today is a day filled with happiness and an abundance of joy.  I hope that all of you are relishing in this joy as much as I am.  I wanted to discuss limits with you all since we live in a world filled with limitations.  Some limitations are placed upon us from society and the boundaries of the law,  some limitations are placed upon us by our parents and those who love us, and some limitations are placed upon us by ourselves and our own insecurities.  Whichever category we fit in, there are still limitations that we have to address everyday.  The fact that God is limitless, makes me love him even more.  God is not limited by our environments, family backgrounds, insecurities, education and etc.  He is not limited by our own inadequacies, struggles or personal dilemmas.  With God, there is no limits.  That being said, I encourage you to get on His team and dream beyond what you can see now.  I dare you to hope for the future and to believe that you can do some amazing things.  I encourage you to embrace the greatness that is within you because with God that greatness can become your reality.  You can change the world.  Embrace a limitless God, because He is waiting to embrace you!

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

Miracle Child

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

Lately my articles have been about the plague of loneliness, something I have dealt with since I was 7 years old.  Can you imagine dealing with the same demon for 14 years? I’ve been tormented with the same devil all through childhood, teenage years and college.  The same demon in different forms, used by different people, but the same strategy- isolation to breed depression to create suicide.  The same demon, the same strategy and just different situations.  This weekend was probably the most depressing weekend, I have had since what I dubbed the “dark ages”  ( the period of time that I was so depressed that I contemplated death every single day. ). Can you imagine spending all of  your time thinking of ways to die?  Can you?  It’s a miracle that I am still alive- in fact my being on the earth is a miracle. I am a walking miracle, more special than the rarest stone on the earth but I just didn’t know it, I didn’t know how valuable I truly was.  Some may  be asking how are you a miracle?  Well.. good thing I have time to  explain.

You see, before I was born my mom did not think that she could have children.  When she was 18 years old, she had an abortion because the guy in her life was not capable of being a father.  So my mom, made a decision that she thought was best for her and the future child.  My mom did not know and has never known her biological father, so she did not want the same life for her child.  After making that decision, it was as if something died within her.  She believed that she could not have anymore children and before she married my father, she told him that she could not give him a family.  Every year, she would count the years that the child would have been if he was still alive…the child she aborted was a boy.  My parents married and I came into their lives but I came prematurely.  I was born too small to go home with my family and because of my size was predicted to have so many mental problems.  The doctors told my mother that I wouldn’t learn as well as others, that I would not be able to function socially and that my body would forever be weak prone to disease and sickness.  I was 4 lbs and 6 oz.…tiny, feeble and weak.  I was born vulnerable, but I was a miracle to my parents- the child they never thought they could have.

When you don’t understand your purpose, you’re quick to destroy it.  You’re quick to allow things to tell you what you aren’t and who you will never become.  It was the same with me, I was a miracle child that didn’t know that every breath I took was the grace of God extended towards me.  Every step I took as a child was a miracle, every time I made an A in a class I was experiencing a miracle. Every speech ever made, every dance ever performed, every spectacular venture I engaged in was a miracle.   The fact that I graduated from college early was a miracle.

 I was a walking miracle, yet for years I wanted to end my own life.  I was a walking miracle, yet I hated the way I looked.  I was a walking miracle yet I believed that I was not loved.  I allowed loneliness and rejection to kill me on the inside, to destroy my identity.

I place so much emphasis on this section of my life because there are so many people out there that was just like me, walking miracles- walking packages of greatness but have succumbed to depression/loneliness/rejection.  There are people who the had all of the odds stacked against them but have conquered and yet they believe that no one loves them and that no one cares.   There are people like me who have worked in ministry and have poured into others and yet they themselves are empty and battling real demons on a daily basis….

I want to talk to those who were like me, worth so much and yet felt like so little. YOU ARE LOVED.  You are deeply, selflessly and honestly loved by someone who is bigger than the universe. You are loved by the Father, the Son and the Holy Ghost.  You are loved.  You are loved by people all across the world who don’t even speak your language, yet they are praying for you and for your well-being.  You are a walking miracle, destined for greatness. I love you and I understand what you are going through because I lived it – I lived in your shoes and I’m journeying with you now.  “For lo I am with you always, even until the end of the world” Matthew 28:20. He’s always with you- you are loved by Him.  

Until next time,

Mo 🙂

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Dead Man Walking

Hello old friends, new followers and fellow bloggers-

Yesterday I posted one of the most depressing article known to man.  I felt dead on the inside, numb and just plain exhausted.   Have you ever been in a place emotionally where it seemed like to feel was the worst option ever?  Like it hurts to feel?  I was in that place, a dead man walking and just going through the motions because I had to- never really expressing the deep hurt that was in my heart.  I was so angry with God, angry that my life wasn’t turning out the way I imagined, angry that I kept experiencing hurt from those I have given love to  and angry that no one could see that I was dead- a dead man walking.  I was just plain angry; sitting in  a church that was telling me to hope and believe, that God understood how I was feeling, that everything was going to work out.  As I sat in the church, I became more angry…I became so infuriated that I refused to worship.  I refused to pray or praise or give thanks- I did not want to be connected to God.  I did not want to have anything to do with Him.  Like a professional, I slowly disconnected my spirit from Him- I was committing suicide, I wanted to die. 

It’s crazy how in our dark times, we realize what we are made of.  It’s in the moments of hopelessness that we understand the gift of hope, in sorrow we understand joy and in chaos we understand the importance of peace.  It’s not until we are dead in our spirits that we seek to live more than ever before.  I wanted to heal but was broken so bad, I didn’t think I could be whole.  I wanted to live but I thought I was too far gone for a resurrection.  I wanted to be happy but I made sadness apart of my daily routine, the coat that shielded me from the world,  I wanted nothing to do with God but He wanted everything to do with me…

Out of His love and compassion, He came by my side and poured His love on me.  He helped me to let go of all the hurt , He touched my heart and He loved me.   He made me come alive!

I realized yesterday that I don’t want to pretend in life.  I don’t want to say I’m okay when I’m not, I don’t want to smile when I’m crying on the inside.  I’m tired of battling things behind closed doors, the demons of loneliness and rejection that comes to kill me and muffle my voice. So yesterday, I didn’t wear the mask of the “have- it-all-together” church girl, I was honest and I became free,  True freedom comes through honesty. Keep your eyes open because they may be some around you who are dead men walking

Until next time,

Mo 🙂